I feel like i have depression and that everything about me is just disgusting but i dont know if its just teenage hormones?

[Mileena17]

For a while now i have felt really depressed and i was worried i might have depression but i'm not sure if its just a teenage thing, i don't want to go see my doctor and find out that its just some teenage thing, but i'm really worried. Recently my mum kicked me out and i had to move states to live with my dad and that just made things worse. My whole life I've been a really anxious and nervous person, always thinking people are judging me 24/7 and i haven't had the worse life but i haven't had the best, ive been through some pretty traumatic stages. I've been constantly doing test on the internet for depression and all have said there is a possibility but im still worried im just exaggerating things. I feel like i cant talk to anyone about because i feel like they might think im being ridiculous and over-exaggerating everything. I don't always feel depressed, im really happy and enjoy life when im with my friends but other times i feel sad and don't want to do anything i just want sleep or cry and i don't know why, i cant sleep properly and its frustrating, i cant be bothered to do anything especially when it comes to school, ive lost interest in playing soccer (ive played it my life and i really enjoyed playing but know i just feel anxious and nervous, i feel like people will judge everything i do), i get irritated easily and its really bad and gets me in trouble because i usually end up getting in full on arguments or getting in fights with my brother. Sometimes i just hate my life and want to lie down and pretend that i don't need to worry about everything and that im perfect but i usually just end up more depressed knowing nothing will ever be perfect. I probably sound like an over dramatic teenage girl but i just want to know if this is normal for a teenager or not because, i beat myself everyday over it, i just want to feel normal, i don't want to judge myself and feel like people are judging me all the time, i want to be able to talk to someone but not feel like im wasting there time. i really want to know if there is anything wrong with me that i need t tell someone about and get help or im just being a teenager.

[Asche]

Hi Mileena

That actually sounds pretty close to depression to me. Loss of interest in past activities, lowered self esteem, irregular mood states...these are all symptoms. That said, I don't think it's all that important whether or not you ought to be diagnosed with depression. People are very fixated on diagnoses these days (probably because you can't claim insurance without it, but that's another discussion), but ultimately, if you're in pain, if you're hurting, then you could benefit from help. Pain is bad, period, and if you feel like you're bottled in with no place to turn to, then I think it would help to have someone to talk to. Not necessarily a psych or a GP (although those are fine too), but just a friend or family. Or even a priest, if you're religious. So long as you know you can trust them, and they can be discrete.

So don't go looking for things that might be wrong with you. Rather try to remedy what is.

 Sincerely,

Asche

P.S. It's totally possible to be depressed and still be happy every now and then.

[Idontknow]

Hey Mileena! 

Wow! Your post relates to my life so much. I too always feel full of emotions and for no apparent reason at all I feel the urge to cry or I will need to release steam but it always happens to those closest to me. Don't worry, I do understand how you feel. I know you feel like you can't tell anyone because you're scared of how they will react and sometimes you feel happy and you enjoy yourself so you believe its not possible  for yourself to be depressed. 

Let me know what you do because I feel like I could learn from you. 

Thank you 🙂

[geoff]

dear Mileena, thank you so much for being brave enough and come to the site, because the way you feel can be very scary, as depression takes over and begins to control your life.

We can be happy with our friends, but this could our pretend way of showing them that we are enjoying ourselves, whereas deep down and taken away from this scene we feel miserable, but more so depressed.

What you may find difficult is to be able to talk to any 'friends' that you have, because they don't know how to respond to what you are saying, or say that it is your hormones, which isn't at all fair, so this then puts a communication barrier up between you all.

That's why it's good that you have come to this site, because we have other young adolescents and as well as those about to turn into adulthood who have no one to talk to.

I also suggest that you go and talk to your doctor, and please don't be afraid of this, because they have an enormous amount of young all the way up to elderly people who suffer from depression.

If you want to click under 'get support' at the top of this page is there a number of doctors who are aligned with BB who will be able to help you as well.

It's very important that you do go and see them, because you can't continue to struggle by yourself.

Please let us know how you get on. Geoff.