I feel like crying but tears never come out

[Kcurse]

Usually I am one not to cry. I feel like crying but tears never come out. Lately, my eyes have been welling up and I feel like crying for no reason. I also feel like anything not to do with school, anything that won't help me in my future is pointless and I haven't been wanting to do it. I feel like there might be something going in however every time I say oh I should ask someone or there's something wrong, my response is, I'm just imagining it, there's nothing there.

Another problem is every time I talk to people I feel like I'm annoying them, I feel like they don't like me. They tell me they do but I'm not sure if it's true or not. Everything I day I feel they don't care about it at all and they want to get away from me. I find it hard to start conversations with people and keep going in a conversation, I hate social situations and would rather sit by myself but I don't like the looks people give me and I feel like people talk behind my back if I'm by myself.

I wouldn't say I have any friends, I don't think anyone wants to be friends with me but I'm not sure if that's true or not, I guess I just don't have anyone to talk to about it. My mum always says if I have problems to 'not worry about them' and 'it's nothing'. I recently have been kicked out from my group for being 'racist' because I was 'defending a racist' but all I was trying to do was to stop them from saying inappropriate and rude things about a teacher who is actually a family friend. My mum has said to not worry but now I don't even have anyone to sit with.

I don't know who to talk to and I don't know if I've said everything I want to say on this post but I really don't know what to do and I hate going to school. Besides the whole friend thing I just find school boring and too easy and I'm always ahead but staying at home and on the weekend I jut get bored all the time, I don't really like either. 

I know I'm not suicidal or anything, I don't self harm even though I thought of it once but I know I couldn't do it to myself, so that's definitely not the problem so I don't know what is. I'm just really lost and confused.

[BenD]

Hi Kcurse, I noticed that no one has responded yet so apologies for the lateness of this reply.

You don't have to feel ashamed for crying, it's okay to feel down sometimes. But if this is a consistent feeling you're experiencing then it's probably best we do something about it and get you some help.

I've get that feeling that I am annoying people sometimes as well. But in reality, it's a pretty unrealistic assumption. What could be a problem is that perhaps you are overthinking the conversation instead of just enjoying the moment? Can you relate to that at all?

Sometimes the above feelings make you start to question yourself as a person, hey? At least they do for me.

So then, what to do? Well, the good news is that you are not alone in feeling this way. As I've sort of mentioned, I've been through it a bit, and plenty of other people on these forums have and currently are going through it as well.

Also, the right help really does make a tremendous difference. For now we'll take it one step at a time. I recommend you go see your doctor and explain everything that you've mentioned here. They will be able to help you. If you don't feel comfortable doing that just yet - the next best thing would be to speak to a counsellor, either at school (if they provide one) or by using the beyondblue web chat service on the home page.

Let me know how you go (if you want to, if you don't then that's totally cool too)

😃 All the best.

Ben