I Feel Like a Burden?

[Soph9528]

I was diagnosed and given medication for depression and anxiety a few years ago, back when I was still in highschool. However I've now been graduated for over a year and am really beginning to spiral. Mainly, because I feel like a burden on my family. I live in a single parent household and we've been poor for as long as i can remember, I even had to defer from uni due to being unable to afford housing, etc. I've been trying to get a job for 2 years now and still haven't managed to be hired and my only friends moved away to go to uni, so I barely ever leave the house. Recently my mother has been having breakdowns and keeps telling me she just can't deal with the fact that I'm a financial strain and is sick of worrying about me never getting out and starting to get depressed for periods. She's at her breaking point because I'm financially reliable on her and because she's the only one I have to talk to about my moods. She's becoming unable to deal with being the only support I have, but as my situation gets worse, my moods get worse, which means I go to her for advice and she breaks down, starting the cycle again. I can't keep being such a burden to her, but my situation isn't getting any better money wise and I feel like I'm relapsing into depression again. She's not coping and I feel like both a financial and emotional burden on my family and I just don't know what to do. I don't really know what I hope to achieve by this. Advice? Support? Does anyone ever feel like their depression has made them a burden? In one way or another?

[flower_girl1]

Hi Soph9528

Thankyou for sharing your story with us.

I can't say I have ever felt like a burden on my parents. I am 25 years old and am only now just leaving the nest. But that is simply because I try and contribute the house in what ever ways I can, like cooking and washing and walking the dog. Granted I sometimes get into the bad habit of leaving my dirty dishes around when I'm busy and I do feel pretty terrible about that later. Little things like this can help you to not feel like so much of burden.

As for a job, working really does give you an incredible sense or responsibility. I understand finding your dream job can be really hard, but sometimes you need to settle for a not so exciting job, hopefully in a relevant area before you can find your dream job. You can still look for work whilst you are working so I would recommend finding something simple even casual or part time if necessary until the one pops up.

As for depression making people a burden, I have an aunt who has suffered from clinical depression for almost 8 years now and we are still in many ways supporting her. It is emotionally exhausting doing this and she has already burned through a lot of friends and family who don't want to deal anymore. And yet, each time when something comes up, her family show up. We don't have to, but we choose to because she is family, because we love her and because we hope people would do the same for us if we needed them to.

What keeps us going is the hope that she will recover. The best thing you can do for your family is keep reaching and keep trying. You have done a good thing by coming here and I hope you will return.

flower_girl