I feel guilty...

[GloomyGirl]

First of all, I still feel like I'm sad for no reason. If you have read my other posts, I explain that I have a chemical imbalance. I am starting to think that maybe it is lot's of little things that happened to me, making it one big problem, which made me depressed. I don't know if this could be true. Sometimes I feel like i don't deserve help, even though I know I deserve, even if I have depression for no reason. As my physiologists says "thoughts are just thoughts, they are not facts" and in this case, it is true. I have started anti- depressants last week but i have seriously thought of not going to my physiologist or school counsellor anymore because I thought i was wasting their time. My problem is only small and im wasting their time. I know it sounds silly but thats seriously what i thought. I make problems that dont exist and im getting pretty angry and frustraed with myself. 

I feel like I need to punish myself because I am sad for no reason. I don't know what to do anymore because I just can't be happy. 

I also feel guilty because, If i am completely honest, I havent really been trying to get better. My physiologist has said about 3 tactics to stop my automatic thoughts. Ive tried them once or twice but when it doesnt work, i basically give up.

I dont know what to do anymore. Please help..

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[Doolhof]

Hi Gloomygirl,

Okay, so if you have been told you have a chemical imbalance in your brain, think of it the same as some one being told they have diabetes.

For a diabetic person to keep well, they may need to take insulin and need to watch what they eat and drink.

If a friend of yours had severe diabetes and they didn't take their medication nor watched what they ate, would you tell them they will be okay or would you encourage them to look after themselves and follow the health professionals advice?

The same goes for depression. We visit the DRs. physiologists and they make suggestions and recommendations for us.

I know it is not always easy to keep going with the tactics we are given, but hopefully you will try them a bit more and give them a go.

It is best you try to do all you can to help your self now so you have the tools and ways to help yourself if you have a hard day some time.

Please don't think about punishing your self. No one asks for the ailments they have. Sometimes they just happen.

Also please don't think you are wasting anyone's time regarding accepting assistance for your problem. You have the help available to you, some people struggle to find people who will listen to them, offer help or even try to understand the problem.

Maybe write out all your frustrations and what you are getting angry at, then look at what you have written and try to work out what is really true and what is just our mind making mountains out of molehills.

Hope some of this helps.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[gmc]

Dear Gloomy,

Please trust yourself and your therapist and doctor. You are just at the beginning of your treatment. The feelings that you have may be normal for your condition. Remember - depression is an illness and you know it. If you feel like nothing worths it, remember that you are here, with us, you asked for our help, like other people did, and you will get it from us. Some of us were there, where you are right now, some of us still are, unfortunately... But there is a way to recovery, and part of it is being in this wonderful communit of BeyondBlue, sharing our stories and caring for each other.

Please share your story. It could inspire others to just write their own and start their way to recovery, as you just did.

There is a long way to this, we know it. And it's not going to be hard. But the faith you proved when you wrote on this forum, although you don't actually realize it, will continue to exist in you.

Don't give up, Gloomy, you said it yourself that you know you worth 🙂

Good luck and keep us posted.