Lets start at the beggining.
I found highschool so stressful (lol like every other teenager ever) there was a lot of pressure on me, put on by my dad and myself. My brother struggled with his schooling his whole life, he's two yrs younger than me but he has always had problems and I was pretty bright as a child so there was a fair bit of pressure for me to be my Dad's 'successor' i guess. So i put ton of pressure on myself all through highschool, developed insane anxiety and suffered my fair share of panic attacks from it. Then i graduated and i felt like a new woman, i thought everything was going to be okay but I found myself more down than ever. I had fake freinds (i have 2 solid good ones but i wasn't seeing them as they moved away), i went to uni to study, i just felt like i HAD to go to uni, I've changed courses 4 times and I ended up finding reasons not to go, little excuses, then i stopped going all together, I lied to my parents (i was still living with them) and pretended i was still going because if i told them i dropped out i'd be dead. Then i started dating my boyfriend, he was amazing, i ditched my fake friends, he made me feel like it was okay not to go to uni and that i would find what i want to do and that it would be okay. So i sucked it up, told my dad, (it was a bad night) but its okay now. However I'm still lost. My boyfriend thinks i am happy and that I am going to be a dental assistant next year (i have no clue what i want to do so i'm still at square 1). Fast forward to now.Things have gotten hard with my partner, we moved in together 7 months ago and we have our moments but lately everything is so hard. He's so cold, he puts me down(i don't know if he means to but regardless, he does) I already felt like a waste of space, I already felt useless but now he makes me feel that way more and more every day. He makes me feel stupid. I feel like he's so emotionless some days that I could disappear and he wouldn't care. He lashes out and says hurtful things,i guess I do too but he handles it (well he seems to) and i don't. I cry. I cry all the time. He is never upset he's only ever mad, always so mad. I just don't know what to do. I sound like that girl who if she came to me i'd say "girl you need to do what's best for you". But i don't want to leave him at all, I love him so much, and i know deep down the problem is with me, its what starts everything, I can't help it. I hate to sound pathetic, but please help me
