I don't know what to do....

[Kailey]

I was with a guy for some time but he ended things when I told him I wasn't quite ready for a relationship and my friend told him it would take me years to be ready but that isn't the case I told him I wasn't ready because I was struggling with things in my life at that moment in time. Anyway I still really like this guy and some people say that he still likes me but can't have me... But like I said I really like him like a lot and I really want to get back with him and talk to him again but I look on all these websites and they say don't communicate with your ex for at least 4 weeks but I don't think I can wait that long... I always have the urge to talk to him or text him and either explain to him that it's not going to take me years to be ready and that I want him back or to see how he's going, but I don't know if I should???? I can't really talk about it to my friends because they all think he's a dick but I know that he's not and the struggle is we go to the same school so I see him everyday day... But yeah I don't know what to do because I really miss him and I just feel like there's this big part of me missing.

[Croix]

Dear Kailey~

I'm sorry you are struggling with things in you life at the moment, may I ask if you have support and someone you can talk with? Maybe a parent or other family member? It does help not to have to face things all alone.

There are no rules books about talking with people. I guess the guiding principal is how much faith you have in this person you like. If you think he is sensible and does care for you then it is silly for both of you to be apart and miserable then talking together might be the most sensible thing to do.

I do have to say here some are just wanting sex, not a relationship, so I guess it is a judgment call on your part what he wants.

If you think it is you, not just intimacy, then perhaps a letter setting out exactly what you feel, and what you want might be the way to go. This lets you take you time to say exactly what you want and allows him time to think of his response.

At least that way neither of you is relying on third parties who probably get thing wrong.

Do you think this might be the way to go?

Croix

[Quercus]

Hi Kailey and welcome to the forums,

I smiled reading your post because it made me feel old (I'm 33). I remember thinking similar to what you wrote...

My friends think...

The websites say...

People say...

All these things unfortunately feel important when we are finding our feet as an adult. But the reality is none of those opinions truly matter.

What matters is how YOU feel and what you want.

Space and time can be a good idea simply to allow you to think about what you truly want and also what you feel comfortable with.

You said your ex broke up with you because you weren't ready for a relationship and I do think this is a pretty important point to consider.

If you did ask him out again and he agreed will you feel pressured into something you aren't quite ready for? How do you know he won't break it off again the next time you ask for time?

I suppose what I'm saying is noone gets to decide what you're ready for or dictate terms. That is soley your choice. If he's not patient enough to accept you don't feel ready to be in a relationship what will that mean when he feels ready to be intimate if you're not?

I don't think things have changed that dramatically in the last 20 years... At your age I remember a lot of pressure to live up to what everyone else wanted when really I should have been focusing on what felt right for me.

Not sure if that helps you much. I hope some of the younger members reach out to you soon but please know you're welcome here to join in wherever feels helpful to you.

Nat