i don't know what to do with my life anymore

[NickiAlli]

I don't know what i want to do any more, i am in the second year of my full time course, i get good grades and have made some good friends. But i am not enjoying myself anymore, every morning seems like a struggle to get up, sometimes i don't even go i just come up with a lame excuse and email it to my teachers, then lie to my mother and step dad (i live at home) and say i did go to school. I also work part time so it is like i get no days off if i'm not at school then i am at work. It seems like i'm working so hard for literally nothing. i never get to see my friends because we moved about an hour away when my mum thought it was time to move in with her boyfriend my now step dad, which by the way they have only know each other for two years and my mum and dad only got separated 2 and a half years ago. My friends are always off having fun without me because they just work and don't do both they never invite me to anything because i am either at school or work plus the fact that i live almost and hour away now, it seems so stupid but i get so jealous when they are out and i'm stuck at home studying or doing nothing because i have to work. they have even stopped inviting me to things because they already know the answer. i am being treated for depression but things still seem really crappy and i just don't know what i want to do with my life anymore. i have no one to talk to, i'm the first in the family to go to university and i don't want to disappoint anyone. so this probably sounds like a stupid massive irrelevant rant but i am just so confused i don't want to feel like this anymore, i don't know what to do.

[geoff]

hi NickiAlli, thanks for posting your comment as it all seems to be an effort for you everyday, but can I ask you a question do you really want to go to uni, or are you just doing it to please your family, because there is a big difference between the two of these, because by being at uni you may dislike being there, but are only there to please your family, then that's not how you life should be like, especially if you are suffering from depression.
Depression will eventually stop you from going to uni, or you may make excuses why you don't want to go, both the same really, and I expect that you are 18 are over so you now can make up your own mind on what to do, it's your life and have to try and move forward, but perhaps before this can happen is that you have this depression which is making you more confused.
If you feel as though you want to defer your uni, then that's a good option to decide on, and it doesn't matter what feedback you get from your family, they can't run your life forever.
You do say that you are being treated for depression, so I'd like to know who you are seeing and whether or not you are taking any medication if you feel comfortable in telling me/us. Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi NikkiAlli,

Welcome and thanks for posting. Sorry that you've been finding things hard lately - do you think that maybe you're not interested in the course anymore? Often depression can be very sneaky in saying things that aren't true - like that maybe we're stuck or that we have to please people. Truth is, you only need to please yourself. It's great that you get the chance and the opportunity to go to uni, but it's not your obligation to succeed - a lot of the time, uni isn't for everyone. Some people may even find that they want to switch courses or subjects so they can switch to things they enjoy more. Or, if uni isn't your thing, what is? What sorts of things are you passionate about - what lights you up? Maybe you could try to reshuffle the part-time work so that you can see more of your friends, or take a break. Like Geoff mentioned, some uni's allow you to defer. This way you could get a good break to explore what it is you need.

Also - if you need someone to talk to, don't be afraid to reach out to a counsellor. Often uni's have counsellors and student support there that can be a great resource.

[Swifty0695]

Hi,

i feel like I am in a very similar situation to you. I am also currently in my second year of a full-time course at university. I am half way through the degree but I am really lacking motivation and determination to finish anything at the moment. I am just starting a new job after leaving my previous job due to stress, so I think that is also contributing to my stress and de-motivation.

I really have no idea if I am doing the right course at the moment either, but because I am half way through I don't want to withdraw now..

Although I can't offer much help because I am also unsure, maybe we could talk and resonate with each other in hope that someone else will be able to give us some ideas and support.

I have considered speaking to the counsellor at uni, although I have not yet been. Maybe this is something you could consider too? my university offers both face to face and over the phone counselling in case you are worried about speaking in person, so I'm not sure if your uni offers something too.

good luck 🙂