I Don't Care About Anything.

[brandon1497]

Hello.

First Off I'm just going to list some things about myself. I am and always have been lazy. I'm 17 and I have depression (was diagnosed 6 months ago, but have had it for 2 years). Due to depression, I dropped out of school with no future plans of education or employment. I have never really had a dream job, instead I pretended to be interested in some random things I was told as a child payed good money (E.G. Architecture, Aeronautical Engineering). This helped keep my family off my back and distracted me from the fact that there was no job I wanted to do.

Basically to but through the crap, I've given up on life. There is nothing in it for me anymore. As selfish as it may sound, I don't see a point to living if I can't have it the way I want. From simple things like sleeping times, having a shower and brushing my teeth, to getting a job, getting a education or living on the streets. It doesn't matter, I couldnt give less of a hoot. I love my family (mum +dad + brother) but I never do anything they need of me.

The situation is, my parents recently bought a business (part of the reason they bought it was so they could employee me and get me working). I committed to a 3 day work week, but can't handle forcing myself to get up to work. Over the past 2 weeks I have stopped coming in on certain work days and as you would imagine, they have been getting really annoyed with me. My dad is bipolar and that is even more of a reason I don't want to go in. 

Basically as it stands, I refused to go into work today as I was

unable to sleep at all last night and my dad is likely going to fire me. My mum yelled at me for an hour begging me to go into work and that I don't understand what will happen once I get fired but I honestly don't care. All this talk about dole and the end of my life as I know it but I honestly don't care. I just want to live without anyone expecting things of me and needing me to do anything.

I'm just so done with pretending to care about living a normal life and getting a job, starting a family etc. Sometimes I feel sorry for my parents because I can see how much of a struggle life is for them with balancing two businesses and trying to pay off the mortgage, but none of it means anything to me. Other times I feel like if I cared about anything in life I could do some great stuff and actually make something of myself, but I know it won't happen.

Can someone please tell me how to cope with being lazy and not caring about anything.

[Sea-n-sky]

Hmm - I see.

All I can suggest Brandon 1497 is:-

Have you considered joining the army, the navy, or the air force, or even

Commercial Shipping perhaps ?

They'll fix you up - I feel sure.

Rgds,

sea - n - sky 

[Little_Bean]

Hi Brandon

It sounds to me as though you are thinking and behaving much like most 17 year olds. The only difference being that you have the insight to see that your behaviour is frustrating for other people (in this case, your parents). Seventeen is a tricky age/ stage for most young adults. It is also tricky for parents who expect to start seeing some adult behaviour in their children by now.

At your age I wouldn't worry about long term goals and motivation. Some people at your age know what they want to do for the future but most haven't got a clue. I'm not trying to make excuses for you but most 17 year olds are very lazy. It is a particularly self-centred stage of life. The fact that you are feeling bad about it, just indicates that you have a bit more insight and sensitivity to the impact on other people than most 17 year olds. You sound like a great kid.

Maybe you could show your parents the note you have written on Beyond Blue to show them that you do actually take the issue seriously but that you are having some trouble dealing with their expectations. The fact that you recognise that their expectations don't seem to be unreasonable, almost makes it worse for you because it makes it hard to explain why it is difficult for you to manage it.

In the meantime, get ready for work tomorrow. It may be boring but if you stop feeling like you are a kid being made to do it by your parents but instead that you are an adult (almost) going to help the oldies out, you may feel much more positive and energised. At 17, you are probably the strongest and fittest in the family. Your parents are probably feeling old and knackered. Why don't you go and pitch in and give them a hand. They will appreciate it.

The reality is that there is a real transition going on in your lives. No wonder you are all feeling exhausted.

Good luck, try hard and don't be too hard on yourself.

Little Bean

[taylormade]

a wise man said, "man's life does not result from the things he possesses" unfortunately the focus of life has become more about what we do rather than what we are. Maybe you are trapped in someones else's view of what is important in life? You sound very uninspired. No wonder you are depressed and "lazy"! We were not created to fulfill some atomatronic function in life, but to be inspired by it. What is your inspiration? 

[CrashCoyote]

Hello Brandon1497,
Thank you for your post and your honesty. (A trait alone that employers are always desperately seeking!)

I am a fifty year old father of five and now a grandfather. The behaviour you describe sounds a lot more like the symptoms of depression. It seems that if that was able to be managed, a lot of the disinterest you have would be replaced by the behaviour typical of young men your age.

You are obviously reasonably smart and articulate, I get that from reading your post. Someone like you would be hard pressed to not find something in life of interest. You mentioned you had been diagnosed with depression. Are you being treated for it?

You also mentioned that you did not give a hoot about your future. You have obviously thought through that if you do nothing you may well end up on the street. I know that is a choice for some, but it is a choice of not eating some days, being assaulted, robbed or otherwise abused at random, a choice of not getting necessary medical or dental needs met and so on. Even if you do not want to be an aeronautical engineer, I imagine you also do not want to be a homeless person. (Could you really imagine having a tooth so rotten that you are in agony for weeks or months until you knock it out yourself? Really?)

I would like to learn more about you and try to provide some guidance if you want more from life that the big white canvas you currently see as your future.

Kind regards, John.