I cant deal with it anymore. :(

[ad32]

hey guys,

I have just joined beyond blue because my life in the past couple of weeks has gone completely downhill, i cannot explain everything in the selective amount of words i am given, but i will give it a try. My mum had to go to hospital a couple of weeks ago for a operation to provent her from getting a cancer (don't worry she is cancer clear). i wasnt able to be with her 3 weeks after the op for she was unable to do anything from walking to driving. 2 Weeks ago was meant to be my first day back with her, for some reason i wasnt exited and i have no idea why, i feel like such a ungrateful brat, i should of been jumping up and down counting down the last couple of hours to see her, anyway thats beside the point, we ended up having a massive fight and i have been staying with dad now. Along with this i have been completely unmotivated to do anything for the past 2 months, school is the only thing that was keeping me going, but now that its the holidays all i have done everyday is lay in my bed and completely make no use of myself. I think today has been the worst, i have had several anxiety attacks today and had a completely rubbish sleep last night i feel crap, nothing is getting better, everything is falling around me, even my relationship with my own mum, who has done so much for me, that i love with all my heart, i dont want to deal with this anymore, i just want my mum through all of this but i have been trying to contact her, and no reply, every time i contact her no reply. i dont know what else to say, im not eating or sleeping properly, i feel completely flat. Someone help please :(.

Thankyou all kindly

With regards, Adah

[BballJ]

Hi Ad32 or Adah,

Firstly, welcome to the forums, well done for reaching out for support, it's exactly what these forums are for.

Sorry to hear everything that has been going on, when I read your post I thought whilst reading it, is it possible you were not "Excited" to see your mum because she went to hospital for an operation, and in your mind as most kids see their mum or dad, they see them as invincible, that nothing can even happen to them because they are mean't to protect us as their children, but when it comes to the point where you have to stand up and almost protect them, it, i imagine can be quite overwhelming and maybe you just didn't want to see your mum in weakened state that she was in, post operation - this is just a general thought and I may be totally off the mark.(great news that your mum is cancer clear however)

The unmotivation is common in so many people with anxiety or depression, it almost goes hand in hand, my next suggestion is possibly going to see your doctor to maybe refer you to a psychologist, you are fighting so many battles and sometimes talking to a psychologist can really help. Along with maybe getting something from these forums too.

Keep trying to contact your mum, we all have arguments with our parents. Perhaps even go over and try and see her face to face?

My best for you and your family,

Jay

[Quiettall]

Hello Adah

I feel so sad for you right now. It is the time when we should be celebrating family and togetherness, yet so many of us have hassles and dramas. I am not immune to those in my family.

Anyway, just a thought...is it worth you spending some time putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper, maybe in the form of a card and delivering them to her somehow. I am sure she will eventually appreciate you reaching out to her, although that might take some time.

Take things one step at a time and dont resort to being rough on yourself.

[ad32]

thankyou, everyone has been helpful, including you, thanks for supporting me, i am just in a rough state of mind at the moment, and you are right, it's a terrible time to be feeling this way within myself and with my family, hopefully i can be on good terms with mum by christmas. again thank you for your advice.

[ad32]

thankyou jay, this was very helpful. I appreciate you putting time into messaging me and trying to help out, i am really going to try and be on good terms with mum before christmas, i want to be able to see her and celebrate i time of love and joy with my gorgeous mum, it just breaks my heart to be arguing with such an important person in my life, especially when i should be there for her supporting her so she can heal quicker. I feel like such a crappy daughter. I have really been battling with this anxiety/depression also, its making everything worse. anyway thankyou so much for your help, i appreciate it 🙂

-Adah

[geoff]

hello AD, I'm so sorry that this has happened, but can I just ask you one question 'do you feel as though this is an intrusive thought', and if you need to find out what this means then google it where it will explain it to you, I only say this because they are caused by anxiety attacks. Geoff.

[ad32]

thanks geoff, I will have a look on google and do some research 🙂