I am so lost and have nothing anymore

[smith98]

Hey,

First and foremost I'd like to say thank you to all those who have posted and replied. In a time where I, like many others, feel as though we suffering alone but the community of support and the stories of success show me that this might not be a permeant state of mind. This is my first time posting in this forum, or any forum for that matter. (Also please excuse my poor grammar, i have struggled for a while)

I am so lost. I am a 17 year and just starting my HSC and i just can not do any of this anymore. Every morning is the same routine, which is impossible to break. I wake up and lie in bed because i do not have any real reason to get up, I'll probably skip breakfast because i've lost have my appetite, then once i am finally up i will take my medication the 'synthesise normality', I will do my work on my computer then maybe watch a movie (but usually i stare at the screen blankly), and finally i will try for hours to fall asleep which doesn't seem to work. The worst part about all this is social media, there is nothing worse than feeling like this and then you get out another screen (a phone) and see all your 'friends' enjoying their day because once again they, "forgot to invite you". And even after all this i still get some of the worst marks in my year!

I don't have any purpose anymore all i want to do is make others happy but i can't do that anymore. I lost all my friends recently so i honestly don't have anyone to talk to. Although the intention of my parents is good, my mum can't say, "depression", out loud as if it's something to be ashamed about. I don't want to be treated differently, which is why i want someone external. No one has ever asked me how i am feeling no one cares, they assume a 110kg, 2 metre tall, Ex junior Australian rower and rugby player couldn't possibly feel depressed. Everyone i see in school and on the streets walks past me with purpose and meaning and i have nothing at the moment. I don't enjoy anything anymore someone please help! What can i do to make me feel better!

Thank You ❤️

[Guest_1055]

Hey Smith98,

Hug to you...

 I am sure there would be some people on here that could advise you more than me. But I can share with you, what makes me feel better if you like.

Well I am in the process of changing what I eat, from junk food to heaps more fruit and vegetables, nuts and no refined sugar. I am doing this in baby steps, so that good habits have the opportunity to stick.

Do exercise,  do you still do your sports?

Write down how you are feeling and your thoughts, just get them out from within you. If you feel like crying, then do it. If I feel angry I punch my pillow, or scream into the waves at the beach.

Read and post here, this has helped me a lot to not feel alone as you really are amongst people who have similar issues.

I also try and get some sunshine and fresh air everyday.

Ok these are some of the things I do. Hope this helps, if it doesn't though, please know I care about you, and you are not alone.

Many ,many hugs to you

Shelley xxx

[Embracing_Tiger]

Hi smith98,

Big hug to you, buddy. 

I, too, don't know exactly what you could do to feel better, but I'll share a few things that sort of seemed to work for me. Maybe they might help. 

I did a lot of similar things to Shelley. Better nutrition (forced myself to eat breakfast instead of chocolate biscuits), more regular sleep routine, exercise (I started with walking around my neighbourhood, though more aerobic exercise is better). These all increase the good chemicals in the brain. 

I also externalised what I was feeling through talk therapy with a mental health professional, writing in a blog, connecting with other people who have experienced poor mental health (through stuff like these forums, podcasts or online communities). Your school counsellor/psychologist may be a good start as it should be confidential and free. There is also phone/webchat counselling which can be less confronting, through services like beyondblue and mensline. Is there a headspace centre near you?

I also found getting into nature is a good thing to do, even if I still felt like crap. I felt like I was doing something for myself for a change, going to a quiet beach or sitting on a rock staring at the bush, rather than doing something for someone else. Fresh air and sunshine, away from screens. Watering the garden, even.

I hope that you feel better soon. If being 17 now is anyway similar to when I was 17, then it can be an really awful time. I really struggled too, but I managed to get through it. I didn't reach out to anyone, but you have reached out here. That first step can be one of the hardest, and you've done it.

It's okay to not know what your purpose is. Most people don't know (even if they tell you that they do) and for those that think that they know their purpose, they will probably change direction in 5 - 10 years. 

Do you think any of these actions or strategies may feel okay for you?

ET