I am 50 shades of medicated...

[Mental_As_Anything]

Hi to whom ever chooses to read this post...

I have a loooong history with mental illness. As it currently stands my medical history is somewhat extensive. I have been diagnosed with the following in recent years, depression, anxiety, ADHD and polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS).

I just wanted to jump on here and express my experiences in hopes others can grow as I did.

From the age of 10 I was bullied at school. Nasty nasty things were done to me and I spent many a night crying myself to sleep. I never spoke about anything. I never told anyone I hurt and I just lived inside my own head. As the years progressed I became more and more marginalised and I found myself wishing it would just end. I had suicidal thoughts constantly and self harm was part of my routine.

I used to go on chat lines and talk to guys to help myself feel better. I would send inappropriate photos and webcam chat.

When I finished school my parents and I moved to Sydney to get away from my home town. I met, my now, ex fiancé. He was kind and sweet and I regretfully spent 4 years treating him like shit. I put on excessive weight and hated everything.

In 2013 I found out I had PCOS which was part of the reason I was gaining weight and also it caused my hormones to go insane. Luckily, PCOS is easy managed by keeping your weight down. Through 2014 and into 2015 I lost 23 kilos to get myself back to a healthy weight.

Later in 2015 I was diagnosed with depression and put on medication. After constant visits to my psychologist and psychiatrist my depression started to lift. I then was diagnosed with the underlying issue of ADHD.

This is a very brief overview and I will be happy to answer questions. But one thing I must say...

There is a HUGE stigma around being "medicated" but the truth is mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and ADHD stem from a chemical imbalance in your brain.

Depression/Anxiety/Suicide is a lack of serotonin in your brain

ADHD is a lack of dopamine

I by NO means say take prescribed without question but I am saying... working towards managing your mental illness breaks down as 20% medication and 80% seeking help and life style changes.

Thanks for reading...

peace & love

[Zeal]

Hi MAS,

Welcome to the forum!

Thanks for giving us an overview of your history - this really helps when responding. Like you, I have a history of mental illness. I've had OCD for 10 years (since 13), had mild depression in my teens, have Auditory Processing Disorder (which I've somewhat overcome) and had a horrid eating disorder at 19.

I'm sorry to hear you were bullied at school and that it had such an oppressive impact on your adolescence.

If you don't mind me asking, do you still suffer from suicidal thoughts and engage in self-harm? Also, are you currently receiving regular support for your mental illnesses? It's great that you received regular help from both a psychologist and psychiatrist last year for your depression, which had a positive impact. It's good you were properly diagnosed with PCOS in 2013 and managed to get back to a healthy weight. Good on you! That can take many years for some, or not happen at all.

I took ever-changing doses of medication prescribed by a psychiatrist from ages 13 to 16. As I couldn't make myself swallow tablets back then, Mum would put the powder or capsule granules on a spoon with honey or jam, and I'd have to spend time every morning before school taking these meds. I got tired of this pretty quickly. I started taking an SSRI to help with my OCD and serotonin deficiency about four years ago. Chemical imbalances are a pain, and there isn't a proven way to correct these neurotransmitter deficiencies without some form of medication.

Feel most welcome to reply or repost 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Narniakid]

Hey MAS, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us.

You're a brave young woman and I am feeling very inspired after reading your words. You are very strong to deal with the things you have and still come out on top. I love the way you are dealing with the stigma around mental illness, because you are right - it is just that, an illness. And you've done the right thing by seeking professional help, I hope you aren't still suffering from the suicidal thoughts and such.

Once again, thank you for sharing, I hope this posts encourages others to speak up and reach out, because it does get better, but it's up to you 🙂

Crystal