How do I tell my friends?

[Mmack]

Hello,

I have been battling depression for the last 3 years and have recently opened up to my Mum about how I am feeling..She is supportive and has encouraged me to talk to someone, whether it is a counsellor or close friend. I know that I don't talk to my friends about the deep feelings and challenges I'm having but I really need to and I want to talk to them about it...but I don't know how to initiate it? if I start I'll probably just burst out in tears.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

I need to increase my support base, I know its there if I reach out but I just can't get myself to do it.

[HamSolo01]

hey

i been dealimg with depression for the last few years too. Also anxiety (generalised and social). Both sides of the sam coin i guess.

First and foremost, are you seeing a psych currently? If so have you found it helpful?

in my experience there are friends you can tell and also ones that you cant tell. Its not that you dont like them its just that they struggle to comprehend. Try telling just 1 person in your friendship circles. Then gradually increase it. Im not a member of any bigger social group presently, thats just the way i roll. If it comes it comes if it doesnt then so be it. Quality preceeds quantity in my book.

Dont expect people to just know what to say. A curse of mental illness is not only having it but then also being able to explain it to other people.

Ive had to end friendships at worst, then just limit time with other's as they were too immature and insecure themselves.. another irony of mental illness in my experience is when you notice indecurity in others lol

just play it safe and tell your closest trusted friends. Its better than telling everyone. Or else it can become worse. Niave to think that everyone will just accept it. I bailed from a social gathering once due to my anxiety abd have never been back. One friend jokes about it, but thing is he doesnt understand how bad it is yeah? so why get upset at him. Plus i realised that group were not ny crowd. Nothing in common.

There are less obvious ways too. For instance there is a funrun type thing coming up in my local area soon that i will enter and i will raise money for a mental health charity ive been involved with. Gonna donate to it. The money i dont care about. It all counts. But its a way for people to see that what i deal with is legit.. i dont just fail to figure my sh*t out.. theres more to it. Once you put a more serious edge on these things it becomes real. If people stop talking to me because of it? so be it. Better off without em. Life's too hard with MI to worry over pesty people.

Anyway i hope this helped

[Quercus]

Hi Mmack,

Welcome to the forums it's a great thing that you're reaching out for help. This is a safe place so feel free to talk about anything you want to on your thread or join in on other threads that interest you.

I find choosing someone you feel comfortable crying in front of helps. I found it was somewhat inevitable that I'd end up teary.

How did I start talking? Well when my close friends asked me how I was (I waited for private conversations one on one usually coffee at each others house) I just said to be honest not that good at the moment. That's it. They would do the rest. What's wrong? What is happening? Are you ok? Just be honest. On the flip side I do the same for them. I don't want my friends to feel like counsellors so it's a give and take process.

Also have you made an appointment to see a psych or counsellor or even a long appointment with your GP? Sometimes you need more support to be able to have a conversation without breaking down. For me that was meds but others find other techniques work too. Worth looking into.

And of course talking on here is fantastic. My advice on here is take it slowly and only read what you're comfortable with. There is no pressure to respond or reply.

I hope you feel able to keep reaching out for help. Kudos to you for talking to your Mum and on here... You've already achieved the hardest step of all... Asking for help 😊

[geoff]

hello Mmack, your mum has some good advice, although it may not be easy to do, because you have to decide who is a friend you can trust, and again that's never an easy choice, maybe the person you believe will be able to listen to you, could quite easily turn out to be the wrong person, unfortunately that is something you won't know until you talk with them.
There is no shame if and when you cry, I don't know how many days with my psychologist I didn't cry, it's a natural response, because you are hurting so much, and please have no fear or guilt if you do.
I wonder if your mum is interested in talking with you, because over this next few weeks/months there will be many thoughts that suddenly appear, these could be hidden problems from long ago or related any concerns that have come to annoy you, this is something you won't know until you start to talk about it.
Maybe there could be someone who is involved with you, but in a small way, so they aren't dominant but seems as though they want to be friends, that could be a good choice, but I still believe that you should go and see your doctor as well, so that the process to make you feel better. Geoff.

[bipolarbeauty]

Hi Mmack,

Welcome to the forums.

Honestly, I can't give you much advice based on the information you have given, but I know I had my first traumatic event when I was 14 and didn't seek professional help until 5 years later. I am 26 now, and I want to let you know that this journey and recovery cannot be done alone without the support of family and friends. And I think your mum is right for asking you to seek help from a counsellor or support from a close friend. I still see a counsellor/social worker to this day for extra support, and I find it extremely helpful. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type I recently, and it's the diagnosis that resonates with me the most. I believe you will get through this, and you are taking the right steps to seek help such as opening up to your mum about it and posting on here. You should be proud of yourself.

Do let us know how you're travelling on this thread.

Suzi