How do I start to trsut peope

[I_am_Helen]

I am 15 and I moved from China to Melbourne at the age of 12. School went generally well for me, but my achievements don't seem to meet my family's standard. I was really upset for that at first, then I was surprised when I found out how people can get so much support when they're feeling bad or need help, but soon I find I have trouble trusting my teachers or psychologist and just can't say what I want to tell them because I am so scared of being judged. Most time I just pretend to be fine when I'm not, and just let things pile up inside me. I don't feel like opening up to my family for the same reason. I do have close friends, but I moved to another school last so we're apart, plus I'm afraid of being trouble for her and I don't want her to worry about me. I feel so helpless, I know people like my teachers can help me but I just can't trust anyone. What can I do to help myself start trsuting?

[Dorothy1]

Hi Helen,

People's expectations can put a lot of pressure on us. You really wish you could meet them but sometimes you just cannot. And you know what? As long as you are doing your best, that is all that matter I think! 🙂

Are there any reasons why you think that you might be judged by your teachers or psychologist? Have they done so in the past? Would it be possible to talk to another psychologist that you might trust more? ( or is it your school psychologist and you cannot see someone else).

All the best

Dot

[Alana_H]

Hey Helen,

That sounds really rough. It sounds like you have a lot of pressure on you for a 15 year old and it must be hard if there is no one to talk about it to. It sounds like you are working really hard a school, but your family can't see it. It must be so hard having to move from China and then move again when you've made a good friend, it sounds like you really care about her. I know it's hard to trust teachers, are there any you think might be OK?

I want you to know that you're not alone, this forum is a great way to get help, you can also call numbers like lifeline 13 11 14 or beyondblue 1300 22 4636 if your feeling overwhelmed. They're open all day and night and are you don't even have to give your name, so they might be a good place to start if you are worried about opening up?

Let me know how you are going or if you want to know more about psychologists.

Alana_H

[I_am_Helen]

Hello Dot

I feel like it's probably a human nature to judge. When people hear things, they will have their opinion about it. And to me, it is shameful to be judged by others. Although I never see or hear people in school judging me，maybe it's just myself imagining everyone judging me when that does not happen at all. And I am even scared of people knowing that I'm seeing a psychologist and therefore thinking that I'm a psychopath... But thank you for your advice! I'll try seeing another psychologist. I just really wonder how I can overcome my fear of being judged because that fear is the thing that stops me from trusting others.

Kind Regards,

Helen

[Dorothy1]

Hi Helen,

I think you re right, we all have opinions on things, and some people criticise or judge others and sometimes without even knowing them. I agree with you, that is not right. However, something that is important to I think be aware of is that you cannot control what others might think about you.

I can relate to what you are describing, I used to think (especially in school) that everyone was watching me, that they were criticising me and that hurts! But one day I realised that well, yeah they might be thinking that of me (although I did not know for sure, because actually no one had ever told me anything) but there is no way that I can change what they think and honestly why would I even try, who are they to me? and I also realised that I could not please every single person in the school or else where!

You are saying that you have never heard anyone judging you so there is no evidence that this is happening 🙂

We also cannot read in people's mind (although sometimes that would be fun 🙂 ) thus if you think someone might be thinking something about you, you have no evidence it is true.

I am not trying to imply that your feelings are not real at all, don't take me wrong 🙂 I am certain that these thoughts really have a negative impact on your well-being and make you feel bad.

However, if people were going at you, and criticising you telling you nasty things causing you distress that would need to be addressed because that is not right.

If I may, I suggest that you have another go with a psychologist and that you address the trust issues with them first so that you can move forwards! No one has to know that you are seeing one. You will not tell anyone if you do not wish to and the psychologist will certainly not say anything to anyone either, just like General practitioners everything that happens in their practice will remain confidential unless you raise issues relating to harm or violence (like I know someone who wants to harm X or Y etc...).

All the best

Dot

[JKingLiz001]

To be able to trust people you may need to become more open to it, or you may need to learn more about them before you talk to them about it. Another method is finding someone in a similar situation to talk to, which may make you more comfortable.