High school dropout, don't know where to go from here

[spontaneous sunflower]

I'm 17, turning 18 in a few months. I left school at the start of this year. Since I was 13 I've dealt with depression and anxiety, and it became this recurring cycle year after year. I moved schools at the end of 2018 hoping it would help. After one year at this new school, I realised I was at my wit's end. I made no new friends at this new school, I ended up skipping classes and going home early because I couldn't handle being in the classroom, and I ended up failing the school year.

I had to leave because I didn't see the school situation getting any better. At that point, after years of anxiety attacks and depressive episodes, I was so burnt out and exhausted.

At the start of this year when I decided not to return to school, I had a chat with the career counsellors at school. They told me what my options were and they gave me places to research and look into. I started seeing a psychologist regularly again, and the plan was to get me ready to go to TAFE in July. But my heart was never in it. I kept putting off contacting the TAFE institutes I was recommended, and I had no idea what kind of course I wanted to do, and where I wanted to go after doing TAFE. So I told my psychologist how I felt, and she told me it was okay, that I didn't need to jump into anything too quickly, etc.

But it's really hard for me to just accept that my life is "on hold". I used to have a plan, I wanted to get good grades, take a gap year and go to uni to study media and communications. My plans have changed a lot and I'm not even sure what I want to do anymore, if I even want to go to uni. But I hate not doing anything. My life feels meaningless and everyday is the same. Everyone keeps asking me what I'm doing and what I'm going to do and I just don't know. My dad wants me to go back to doing VCE. My family has always believed in me, always expected big things from me and now it's like I've let them down and they don't expect anything from me anymore. I know it's not too late, I believe it's never too late to turn your life around. I'm only 17 for crying out loud, my life has barely started.

I would really love some advice or to hear other people's stories of being a dropout and what they ended up doing.

[smallwolf]

Hi,

I hope you get to read this .. you might get something from it?

You indicated having a plan of going to the Uni after high school etc and doing media. And then things changed. Even if it was not mental health related, decisions will change over time. My brother switched degrees after doing engineering after 1 week, and my son decided that Uni was not for him and dropped out. There are other stories I could tell. My son is now a qualified swim coach and life guard .

Me... I did not get into Uni after high school and went to TAFE. The thoughts I had about not getting in is another thing! I also worked from home and listening to a radio interview was hearing a guy talking about learning how to drive a train and what they get paid. More recently when things went really bad for me I was studying at Uni again (part time). I have not been studying for 2 years - the feeling of pressure was too great and the lecturers understood as well.

If things like concentration are difficult (as it was for me) then it becomes more difficult than it needs to be.

We each have (to work out) our own way through this time. The main thing I said to my kids is to do something you like or are passionate about. People who are intelligent enough to do a medical degree might become a nurse or early education teacher because it is something they like.

What are you passionate about?

Tim

[Guest_0784]

Hi there spontaneous sunflower. I am in a similar situation as you are in school. I am 13 at the moment. And since I was 9, school has never worked for me. First with a school forcing me to be with a bully who would scratch, kick, bite, hit, and made me suicidal since 2016. I moved away from that school after a week that started. Then when my Grandmother died and had cyberbullies, I had a mental breakdown and I had to move school's to a special needs school where there was a kid who told me that I am the Antichrist, and he was the Antichrist. Would even if he saw a little bit of me would say "I AM GOING TO ******* KILL YOU!" With his arms out, he would try to push me over and chock me to death. I was punished by defending myself, that punishment was for another person who bullied me with this kid became School Captain. And I could not go outside to play, And I had to go to the Sick Bay at school. I also was not able to be educated since I moved there, so I have barely learnt anything at school. And have learnt almost everything that I know by myself. Last year, I moved to High School. I can tell you, it is not any better for me. I have these people near my class that I have to confront during morning tea and lunch. They call themselves "Wannabee Gangsters", and they pick on people who they think are weak. And try to knock me out with a soccer ball. I also do not have any friends that I can trust or be with at school. And I still barely learn anything at school. And this just makes me have anxiety attacks, mental breakdowns, and it has ruined my reputation. Because everyone says when they see me "Ooh, it is that kid that jumped into a construction site" "Ooh, it is that kid who screamed across the school and fled on a bus" "OOH, it is that kid who punched me in the nuts for making fun of the Christchurch Shooting". And now I do not wish to go back and have that repeated again. The Education system can't take care of people who have high functioning autism. I have been thinking of starting my own school, with a new system. Where you can learn, be safe, and literally be a school. But it is just that it is very hard for people to make a school, and it takes years to do and barely anybody makes it though now. I am just wondering if you might be interested to help?

[feelingblue97]

hey there hope you read this

im a 23 year old dude who went to uni right after school, stopped after 2 years for feeling isolated and depressed and i never actually dealt with it and thought it was all normal. you know theres that stigma about depression. And then i decided to stop uni and just work, i worked for 3 years full time and saved a bunch of money able to travel and buy my first house, but at the end of it, still feeling that shitty feeling that i had during uni. my point in bringing this up is that we've gotta face the underlying issue no matter what, im currently planning to go back to uni after realising that basically 3 years of my life was put on a pause and i didnt get to finish my degree. You've gotta start by believing in yourself first, belive that things will get better if you go after the underlying, beliving that you are more than the depression that your feeling and that by a bit love and care you can overcome this. Get help, go to your GP, talk with your trusted friends or family if you have any cause i didnt, but trust me the sooner you get help and sort it out the better it is. Oh one more thing, dont under estimate yourself, dont under value who you are and you mentioned you wanted to go to uni and do a communications degree, thats good, hold your head high, love yourself and everything about yourself..

one good exercise is to keep a journal, write down your thoughts and little goals, and always respect yourself and love yourself....

sorry for such bad writing

[spontaneous sunflower]

Hello Demonblaster,

Sorry for the late response but thank you so much for reaching out, you said some very nice things! Thank you for sharing your story, it is comforting to hear of people who have experienced similar things to me and made it out alright.

I’ve been out of school for a few months now and I am still struggling with the pressure and expectations from other people. I’m not particularly proud of my current situation, but I accept that it is what it is due to my circumstances and of course now with Melbourne lockdown, it’s been difficult. It’s hard not to let people who don’t understand my situation get to me. I’m sick of one friend of mine who asks “what are you doing?” every time we talk, and basically tells me I need to get a life. That hurts. I am trying. I’m not going to TAFE if I don’t want to just because someone told me I should. It’s extremely difficult to get a job right now. I am confined to the 5km radius of where I live. I am doing pretty well considering all of that. I keep my room tidy and organised, I read, I spend lots of time in my backyard in the sun, I exercise, I do yoga every afternoon, I bake and I regularly video call my friends who are supportive and understanding, unlike that one friend who constantly puts me down and makes me feel bad about my situation IN A PANDEMIC.

I plan on getting a job when lockdown eases. I want to travel and get out of my house more once that’s legally allowed. Despite the fact I will likely end this year with no job and no certificate, I’m still proud of my growth this year. I have learnt a lot of valuable life lessons that sitting in a classroom could’ve never taught me. I have grown closer with people who care about me and have spent less energy on those who don’t. I’m not entirely sure what I what to do with my life, but I’m getting better at being okay with the unknown and just making the most of each day.

[spontaneous sunflower]

Hi Tim,

Thank you for replying, and sorry for the belated response on my end!

You’re right, decisions do tend to change for many different reasons. My older brother went to uni but left after one year. There are countless stories of people who changed careers, paths, goals, etc, over their life. My old school put a lot of pressure on us to think about what we wanted to do after high school, and where we wanted to be in 10 years time, which in retrospect I think it is a bit ridiculous. It is good to have plans, goals and ambitions (and I certainly do have some of those) but I think we ought to spend more time focusing on the present rather than trying to control what our lives will be like in 10 years. Because things change! One thing I am grateful for having gone through my mental health struggles is that it has given me the ability to adapt to change and to not be so scared of it.

I think it’s important to do something you are passionate about, for sure. I am passionate about travel, the outdoors/the beach, helping people, writing, photography/film and planning events (I love to throw parties and organise gatherings with my friends and family, haha). I think some of my passions are a bit unconventional, but I am determined to find a career path that allows me to pursue one (or more) of my passions.

- Nicola

[smallwolf]

People attitudes to work have changed. My dad worked for the same organisation all his life. I have worked at 3 place and looking at a change next year - to do something I want to do. Some people change jobs on a regular basis. I am aware there are a lot of courses you can do at TAFE ... maybe see what is available there? And many of the things you mentioned I cannot see (yet) how they would be replaced by robots - they are all related to being with people. I even know someone doing a film course at TAFE or Uni. The world also needs unconventional people.

[demonblaster]

Sunflower hi there and everyone ☺

Thanks lovey good to see you. Appreciate you returning.

I'm so glad you have some good friends by the sounds that understand and accept your situation. The other one is best to keep distance from. No one needs that rubbish. It's hard enough for you atm.

I really enjoyed reading your posts because it seems you're coming to terms with how it is atm which in time will change and keeping in mind these are hard and unexpected times for everyone.

You certainly are at a disadvantage with how it is atm. Better to wait till there's more freedom of movement if you can are my thoughts esp in Melbourne. I feel sorry for peeps living there there's a lot going on.

Seems you have a good wide scope of choices for work. It's great you have so much you're keen on. Should help when things get back on track. Best to you with that.

Loven you feel you've grown. Mh is a biggy and with ourselves being proactive and open to learning there is a lot of knowledge and strategies out there to help us through.

You're sounding positive. Good on you. Wishing you every success in your life lovey which with that great attitude should help no end ☺

🌱 new beginnings