Hey not really sure where i should start here/where i belong in regards to forums.

[Oats]

Hi all

Not sure really where to start, pretty insecure about my whole thing but i am a 22 year old Australian male.
I have been depressed on and off for about the last 3 years with the last year being the heaviest with other problems having started (more of that later). It Started with the breaking up of myself and my girlfriend at the time while also having family problems which did not let me stay at home.
After the breakup i moved away from my normal circles of support down to a house with one friend and the rest strangers.
At this point in time i had never encountered something so emotionally painful. I felt incredibly numb for long periods of time which was followed by mild anxiousness.
About this time i took to smoking pot, drinking a lot and promiscuous type activities (just trying to live what i thought was the normal college boy life type thing).
While there were some points that felt good again i would quickly swing back into a not so good state though i trusted that i would come out again so i continued on. On top of this my concentration in my studies did so poorly that i ended up not even showing to my exams.
Near the end of the year i had a health scare which prompted me to try and get back on track.
(year 2) Still smoking pot i moved in with an old study friend and commenced my semester 1 study once again. However quickly i noticed my mood, smoking habits and general frantic nature negatively impacting on those around me. (Also i failed my second attempt at uni)
So i looked to move, eventually back to the old house now with different tenants but that old friend who had been there previously.
Anyway still smoking pot living in pretty bad conditions, i eventually have a breakdown of sorts doctors called it a drug induced psychosis (thought i was going to die).
Ended up in hospital and then a ward for a while. (yr 3)(stopped smoking pot) This year has been a incredibly painful full of paranoia, anxiety and depression I strove to take it on alone and managed kinda(though i did have a pretty bad anxiety session mixed with pangs of paranoia), eventually lost the job i was in and moved back home. Alot better now however i feel fragile and would love support but i find it so hard to let talk about this stuff. There is more than i have written and i know it is disjointed however i really just don't know where to begin and sometimes i feel like i just need a hand because i am feeling really out of my depth and really sad.

[MsPurple]

Hi Oats and Welome to the BB forums and community.

Sounds like you have had quite the journey. I am glad you have reached out and am now (again) going to start your journey to good mental health. I can't fully relate as my past is different, but it took me till 23 to really ask for help and support of my doctors/friends/community and to take the help offered to me.

Although you have struggled this year I am glad you are now feeling better. To even feel a little better is a victory in itself. It does take some time to start feeling better again. You may not be completely there, but take every victory and every good day as it comes. That's what I find helps me anyways.

If you are looking for another community, I know headspace (a youth mental health service) also have a youth reference group and social events you can attend (along with counselling services and more). You may find this beneficial if you want to meet people and get support that way. Look them up on their website to see if this is something you maybe interested in or if there is one near you.

As to where you belong on the BB forums. You belong anywhere you feel comfortable. I find if I am wanting support for my anxiety I look to the anxiety forums, or if my moods are low I go to the depression forums. There are many other sections like this one (welcome and orientation). If I am wanting to keep track of forums I am on I go to 'my threads' (on the top right tab of the main forums page). All of us on the forums (except Dr Kim) are non-professional who may also be dealing with mental health issues. We are all here to offer support and guidance to each other. Remember always take the advice of your professional practitioner over a forum user. (also should be noted is that we do not talk about specifics on medication)

Welcome to the forums and hope to see you around. 🙂

[BballJ]

Hi Oats,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

You are definitely in the right spot and you fit in perfectly well here. As Mspurple said above, you have definetly been on a journey and one I am sure down the track you will look back on and will realise how much stronger it made you and you will be able to offer advice to people in similar situations.

For now though, focus is on getting 100% right and in a good spot.First step is one you should be proud of as you have reached out for help and that is such a strong thing to do. I would suggest maybe sitting down with a psychologist to talk if you feel up to it. To them you are a blank canvas and they just get to understand you from what you tell them. I know how daunting it is to open up especially as a young male, I have dealt with anxiety since my late teens and I took until I was 27 to finally seek out help. I never thought I would talk to a psych but once i got in there, after a couple of session, I was opening up like a book and I feel way better for it now. Just a though and something you may wish to consider.

In the meantime, always happy to talk so post back as much as you wish.

My best for you,

Jay

[geoff]

hi Oats, welcome to the site and thanks fr posting your comment.
From what you say you are going through a hell of a lot, however by smoking pot isn't going to give you any incentive to do any exams or continue on with your uni course, even though you tried once again.
You do say that your mood and smoking was negatively impacting on those around you, and was this because they didn't like what you were doing, and has eventually caused a breakdown by a drug induced psychosis, which means your condition has deteriorated badly.
It does take an enormous effort to stop smoking the weed, it takes determination and strength to be able to do this, but there will be ramifications resulting in this with anxiety, depression and some paranoia, but you won't be able to overcome all of this by yourself, simply because you don't have the strength needed at this present time, and to be able to gain this power you need someone or somebody who can talk this through with you.
We certainly want to help you and please feel comfortable in continuing in your discussion, as those of us who have been through this themselves or something similar can help by giving you their own experiences. Geoff.

[Oats]

Thankyou all,

This post was a description of my past, I am sorry as it didn't specify that i am on the back end of this time. I have not been smoking for the past year, a bit over half way of this year i did start seeing a psychologist, taking it slowly. So i do have support in that way, there are just a mess of issues that i feel would help by this type of support. My problems have evolved somewhat and some others have surfaced however things are looking up, I just don't want to slip backwards because as you said Geoff i do not have the strength at this current time certainly not alone. It has been a crazy year and ultimately one that i had to seek support to overcome, so thankyou for your insight Geoff. Reaching out to a place such as this has given me much relief and i think will help me before i spiral back towards any bad states of mind. Thankyou BballJ, i have not opened up to my psychologist more than a very little, i have been finding it difficult to lower my defences. Something which i will try to do my next visit, it is just hard feeling powerless all over again and trusting not to get attacked.
Thankyou MsPurple for your welcome, i think that headspace sounds like a good place for me to start.
Not saying that any of you where not helpful and are not capable of understanding, it just feels like a good idea.
Thankyou all again however, It is something very new to me to be able to do this, it helps me not feel like i'm against the world (an illogical feeling/ but a feeling that exist anyway).