Hi Meowcat,
I can completely empathise with how hard it is to get yourself moving and take positive steps towards getting help, but you've come onto the beyondblue forums which indicates that you know you need it. I have days where I don't want to move an inch out of my bed because I know I have reality - uni, work, walking the dog, exercise, all this crap I can't imagine actually going through with. But once I get started everything becomes so much better.
I guess the question you have to ask yourself is "how badly do I want to get better and how long will I let this go on for?". The longer you put off actually making the move to get the help you need, the harder it becomes. You've bailed on these headspace sessions more than you've attended so now everything appears as a great big omen of impossibility.
The most constructive thing you can do is take it slow, make some small goals, but actually do them. You're stuck in this vicious cycle that's doomed to continually repeat itself until you take the action you need. Nobody can force you to do it, it needs to come from you and you alone. Look at it in small, incremental goals.
Today I don't want to get out of bed - move to the couch. Cool, that's done. Summarise one lecture. Cool that's also done. Go for a walk. Yep, done that. That's just day one. Leave it if you feel it's enough for the day but at least know you've accomplished something.The next day, do it again and do a little bit more. No huge leaps, just little, measurable ones. When you're ready, book in to see somebody and stick to it or else the cycle is doomed to repeat itself again. Stay around on the forums too - ask questions, contribute to posts, experience how other people experience similar things.
All the best,
Pat.
