Having a tough time near HSC with my own thoughts

[tzU]

I've never been 'brave' enough I suppose you could say to come onto one of these sites, even though I'm confident this rut of a mindset I'm stuck in is eating me alive.

I am approaching the conclusion of my senior highschool education with great prospects! I am studying harder than most in my year, I have already lined up a uni course for 2022 and have a place in that course secured. These things are great but I often come to great clashes within myself about the worth of what I am doing now. I guess that is a bit vague but I mean to put it into perspective, I have never once went to a peer party or anything of the sort, I don't often hang out with friends due to geographical isolation and a lot of the time nowadays I don't even feel like caring for that kind of social interaction anymore. Then I come to internal conflict with that same socially neglectful mindset because I over think everything and I end up waking up 3-4 times every night. I guess it's just that the concept of 'right' and 'wrong' are really a common topic for my brain to pick, Am I right in putting the effort in academically for my future satisfaction if only to suffer the short term but regret filled depression of feeling not included in social events among my peers? It's tough when the environment I am in isn't filled with a plethora of academically minded people, but rather those who don't seem to have a great deal of thought towards their futures and instead would rather procrastinate or indulge in activites that may inhibit those people from leading fulfilling lives (I am trying to be very nonspecific since many of those people are friends of mine regardless of their decisions).

To be honest after rereading what I had just typed previously it just seems like a meaningless trail of thought. I guess there is no harm in opening up a bit here without being specific, and I would never solely blame anyone of these experiences for the ways I might feel or act, but to be honest I have opened up to my older siblings about problems from my past that haunted me like witnessing domestic abuse several times and being in a family environment where drunken disputes where very common. Anyway, I've just always thought that these things have caused some sort of perpetual anxiety for myself. And more often then not, lately this stress from all this thinking is just killing me.

But, if you have any advice or testimonials regarding your qualms with similar issues I would highly appreciate your input 🙂

[Guest9337]

G'day tzU,

Aim high but ensure you are well rested during heavy study loads.

You'll get time to party soon enough, exams finish about late november don't they. uni orientation weeks are around about late feb and are epic opportunity for meeting interesting people. So about 10 weeks of free time post high school.

What you going to study? I finished a Bachelor of educational studies in 2019.

[geoff]

Hello tzU, and thanks so much for joining the site.

Your future sounds to be so exciting to be lined up a uni course for 2022 and from memory, all the friends I had while doing year 12 always promised that we'd stay in contact over the following years, well this didn't happen, we all went our own ways, in different directions, some moved interstate and the others, well, I don't know but none of us kept in contact, even though we were all very close.

Your future is important and you will develop other friends once school is over, but in the meantime keep your friends at school, they have other ways to enjoy their life that may not be suitable for you, but you can still be friends with them even though you might not participate.

Your family life has not been something you enjoyed and if you need to talk with someone contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, webchat or online, nobody needs to know and once year 12 finishes, then perhaps you could move out and we can help you with this in the following replies, now can we suggest to finish this year at school, it's only a few months to go and now half the year has already gone.

Do whatever you want to do and don't feel any pressure from your friends who have no intention of the future, that's their decision, not yours and if you want to talk about your family life a little more then please get back to us or even if it's the situation you're now in.

Geoff.

[tzU]

Thankyou for your insight!

I am going to be partaking in a Bachelor's of Games Development (Games Programming specialised). To complete the course full-time It will take (suprisingly enough to me) only 2 years. But from there I aim to enter the industry or try starting my own studio, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there 🙂

Thankyou for putting that rest duration into quantitative measure, tbh 10 weeks doesn't sound like a super long time but I think I like the idea of how short it seems. Anyways, thanks again for your input and congratulations on your Bachelor's of Educational Studies!

[tzU]

Thanks so much geoff!

I am very appreciative of your own anecdotal experience and what that can offer me in this situation. Fortunately, I have already become content and come to accept the fact that the people in my life will most definitely change, but reading your words does reassure me that I should never feel guilty for feeling this way. I guess at the end of the day my surrounding environment may not seem 'well fitted' for allowing me to prosper and attain what I wish to achieve but that doesn't mean I should let that fact consume me, rather I should remain steadfast on the paths and strive for the goals I know I want to accomplish.

Also thankyou for taking the time out of your day to assist me in my dilemma, I am truly greatful 🙂

[geoff]

Hello tzU, it's great for you to reply when your hands are full doing what you are currently doing, and please come back at any time, now and/or in the future, we are always here and your circumstances may change and want to talk with us.

Geoff.

[Guest9337]

Awesome tzU, aiming for gaming programming is epic mate.

Are you familiar with "godot"? It's a M.I.T free game creating engine, pretty decent.

I see that unreal engine 4 might be studied in a bachelor of game development, that's a very cool piece of software.

[uggaholic]

What definitely happened to me was - you find out how much your friends actually value you after finishing high school. Throughout high school, you just stick to your friends, you have fun - at least I did. I was also the only one who lived 2-3 suburbs away whilst all my friends lived close around school. I was the only one who made effort in travelling to them, to places around school to hang out. I didn't even think about it. But after high school, not one of those friends made an effort to stay in contact.

You sound focused and enthusastic on your studies - good for you! Perhaps I have this in common with your friends - it can be hard to be academically driven, I think it's a gift to be good at studying. It sounds totally OK you're not spending that much time with your friends, especially if they are not trying to spend time with you. If they are, true friends will understand you are busy studying because it is important to you. When you get into uni, there will be enthusiastic people in your classes along with maybe some not so much. If you are kinda social you'll probably find better friends! Even better, they'll be motivated together with you during studies, you can have study dates, plenty of opportunities for social activities.

So IMO don't need to worry about it! Of course there's the holiday period to make up for socialising if you need 🙂 wish you the best in your studies and your friendships!