Half a year into uni, no friends. (I'm slightly autistic)

[Ray216]

I started my engineering degree straight out of school this year at the Uni of Queensland. Right now I can say I have zero friends despite trying to make many. It's beginning to affect my thinking and study, especially after seeing others make friends or even romantic interests easily.

I'm currently an 18 year old male with mild autism, formerly known as asperger's syndrome. I'm on the side of the spectrum that I'm not abnormal enough so people can immediately tell I'm autistic, but not normal enough to be socially successful or sustain friends. Given time people will notice something off about me. People with stronger autism can get sympathy and support, people without autism can get along naturally. I'm stuck in a place with neither.

Please help.

[Zeal]

Hi Ray,

Welcome to the forum!

Despite Asperger's Syndrome no longer being a diagnosis, there are still support groups and online resources available.

Here are support groups in Queensland: http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/qld-557

This site looks great: http://www.startupautism.com/

Here are some books recommended by Tony Attword for adults with Asperger's:

Dimitrius, J. & Mazzarella, M. (1998, 1999). Reading People: How to Understand People and Predict Their Behavior-Anytime, Anyplace. New York, NY: The Ballantine Publishing Group
Gabor, D. (1983). How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster
Gray, C. (1999, Spring). Gray's Guide to Compliments. The Morning News, 11-1, 1-17.
Rubin, L. B. (1985). Just Friends: The Role of Friendship in Our Lives. New York, NY: Harper & Row Publishers.
Mattews, A (1990). Making friends: A guide to getting along with people. , Singapore, Media Masters.
​

I hope others with Asperger's/mild Autism connect with you too 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Zeal]

Hi again Ray,

I'd just like to say that it's not uncommon for people to find it difficult to make and maintain friendships at uni. I don't have Autism (but was shy until 20) and I found friendships at uni a bit difficult. It takes a while to get used to the social differences between school and uni. I just want you to know that you are not alone in feeling a bit uneasy making friends at university 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Ray216]

Thanks friend. I'll be sure to check out those resources. But it's great to know I'm not alone 🙂

[Sustentaculum_Tali]

Hi Ray, I don't have any level of autism and am not sure I can say anything very helpful. But I do get fairly significant social anxiety in certain situations and I think it sounds like we've had similar experiences in making friends at uni. I've been at uni for 3 1/2 years now and haven't made anything more than a few casual friendships. Do you live close to your uni campus? Do you get involved in any of the clubs or societies? I live 2 hours away from my uni and found I didn't get involved with anything social on campus as I lived so far away and just wanted to get home after a long day of uni and travelling on the train and this made it a lot harder to make friends. If I could do uni over again I would definitely be more involved in clubs and other social events on campus - and I highly recommend this to anyone going to uni, especially if you want to make more friends.

Half a year into uni is only a short time, but are you enjoying your degree and subjects so far? I found it easier talking to other people and getting to know them in subjects that I really enjoyed because I could get more involved and have really great discussions about the course content (and without having to worry about small-talk in the beginning, which sometimes I find difficult or awkward).

I also just want you to know that you definitely have support here. And there probably are some great support services at your uni too. One of the great things about uni is that given the high level of intelligence there are quite a few students on the autistic spectrum or who find that socialising comes to them less naturally (which isn't even a bad thing - I met my girlfriend who has Asperger's while I've been at uni and she's definitely one of the most amazing and special people I have ever met).

[Ray216]

Thank you friend. I do live about 1 1/2 hours away from campus so I cannot attend many club events. Sadly I can't afford to move :(. But all the encouragement and anecdotes from everyone here gives me hope I won't be like this forever. 🙂