Gay?

[Jess_164]

Okay so this is hard for me to talk about but here it goes. I think I'm gay-that was the first time that thought has left my brain. I was kinda looking for advice from fellow LGBTQ+ people on this topic. While I know there is no way of prooving it I was just looking for support.

so, let me start from the top, I had a crush on a guy. After I while I found out he liked me back but for some reason I was upset not thrilled. Over the next few months I started thinking 'if he asked me out would I say yes?' And would I actually want to date a guy. After some long sleepless nights I realised I wouldn't want to date a guy- that seemed weird. I imagine myself when I'm in my twenties with a girlfriend.

here's where it gets more confusing. I've never had a crush on a girl before. But a have a massive crush on a female celebrity around my age. Also I feel dating girls would make me happy but I'm also religious and find myself repressing this part of me.

I know this topic is hard to provide answers for but any tips from people who've had these struggles would be much appreciated.

One last thing, I would like to say a massive thank you to this extremely supportive community who have helped me so much.

[Ken1]

Hi Jess_164!

I unfortunately do not have personal understanding of what you're experiencing but am totally in support of you and your growth in discovering who you are. I think it's awesome that you're reaching out and really hope that some others will comment with their experiences for you to relate to.

I understand that religious practices can make it difficult to express something like being LGBTQ, but I would love you to know that you and the decisions you make to benefit your wellbeing are worthy of EXPRESSION and not repression. I understand that this can be easier said than done but just wanted to tell you.

Good on you for being willing to find out who you are!

[startingnew]

Hi Jess

i dont have personal experience with this but it sounds as if you may be bisexual meaning you like both guys and girls which is perfectly fine. no judgement here at all.

what do you think?

[Croix]

Dear Jess_164
Welcome back. I can understand the sorts of things you feel at the moment, it's the same for many younger people. I guess from this and your other posts you are in your mid to late teens?

This can be a most confusing time for anyone, on top of which there are pressures from home, education and life in general. It's quite fresh in my mind.

Ok, so you've had a rush on a guy, and a crush on the celebrity girl. No hassles there.

It will sort out. You can spend an awful lot of tie stressing over sex, and it won't help. Life will catch up and you'll find what you need to be. It will happen.

Trying to sort it all out with the expectations of society and religion on top just makes it more intimidating and confusing.

All I can say is that for a true relationship it is what is inside the person that is important. If they are kind, reliable, make you feel secure and good, plus fun to be with, and each of you is attracted to the other of course, then that is what you need.

Feel free to keep talking about things, you'll be welcome

Croix

[white knight]

Hi Jess

Your religious beliefs might get in the way of what I'm about to say but here goes.

The best approach to have, taking into account your emotional difficulties is for your sexual feelings, thoughts desires to be "fluid". This means you disregard others expectations, you disregard guilt associated with what you have expected from yourself in the past from any parental or environmental programming and you be your unique self.

It has been suggested you could be bisexual. Correct, you could be. But whatever secuality you are...thats you and it doesnt matter.

What matters is for you to do what makes you happy....you only have one life.

Tony WK

[Gruffudd]

Hi there Jess,

I identify as both gay and Christian so I have my own story there with all the complexity that it brings. I don't think there is an easy answer. If I were to talk to my younger self I would say to follow your heart and what gives life. For you it sounds like perhaps dating a girl might be a real boost. There is room for being gay and living with integrity in all the major faith communities and there are people in all of them that are unhealthy to spend too much time around. We can talk more about negotiating that dynamic if you like. There are a number of groups out there offering support who have walked that path of gay and having faith before, they are great allies to have as you figure out what your path is. I am a child of clergy so I grew up in the middle of it and still am in it within the family context, it is not something I can walk away from completely without leaving loved ones behind. Lucky that is not necessary.

I value the challenges brought by being gay in a Christian family and community, it has helped me see different things in the words and to contemplate just how to find that special thing in each person I meet and to engage with that.

You are always welcome to pop into the rainbow cafe in the community forum for a chat about the everyday stuff (you don't have to identify either way in there) for the more in depth harder subjects stick to this thread though.

Rob.

[blondguy]

Hi Jess

What a gentle and heartfelt post and thankyou. Croix, Gruffudd & Startingnew have great clarity and embraced you in their posts above

We dont have boundaries here on the forums. There are many gentle & caring people that can be here for you whether in the rainbow cafe or in the regular forums too 🙂

As TonyWK mentioned "What matters is for you to do what makes you happy"

my kindest for you Jess

Paul