formal worries, please help

[annabelle17]

hi

im really worried for formal because a guy has asked me to go with him but i feel like i will be judged and i still want to stay with my friends

i want to go with him but i dont want to stay with him all night, and i dont want my friends to feel like im ditching them because they dont have dates

[annabelle17]

any advice??

[Zeal]

Hey Annabelle,

Welcome to the forum!

It's great that a guy asked you to the formal with him. I would be very surprised if people judged you. Having a date for your formal should not elicit judgement. Because you want to go with this guy (and I presume feel comfortable around him), accepting his offer would be great. You can still include your friends in your formal night in some way. If your friends don't know this guy well, maybe they could chat with him a bit during the night. You could tell your friends before the night that you'd like to spend time with them at the formal too, even though you are going with a date. For part of the night, perhaps you could spend time with your friends, your date and a few of his friends together.

If you want to talk more about the formal, you can post back here 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[pipsy]

Hi Annabelle. Perhaps it might be a good idea to ask him about whether he's taking you to be his date, or whether he's taking you so neither of you will go alone. If he is taking you, rather than going alone, there is no reason you need to be with him all night. However, going with him would also mean coming home with him, unless you both decide against this. Can I ask why you feel you would be 'judged' should you go with him? If your friends are that shallow, maybe you need to rethink who you want to be friends with. I don't mean to sound nasty, but this guy could be trying to be friends and if you're already uncomfortable about being 'seen' with him, you're not really being fair to either you or him. Have a talk with him about his expectations for the night and if it's just because he doesn't want to go unaccompanied, you have to decide if you would rather be with your gf's or him. Only you know your friends, therefore only you can make the choice.

Lynda

[annabelle17]

thanks!

[annabelle17]

i dont know, its not that my friends dont like him but i feel like other people there will judge me,

not many people are going with dates, only people that are dating,

so i feel a bit weird going with someone when none of my friends are

[pipsy]

Hi Annabelle. People who judge others usually judge because of jealousy and insecurities. No-one really has the right to tell anyone who to go out with, or be seen with. Perhaps you could go with your friends but ask him for a dance or arrange with him to ask you to dance, if he's shy. That way, only you and him will know, and your friends will be happy because you're with them. If you are still judged because you dance with him, it's only one night in your life and your friends judgement won't really make a difference, you'll still be friends. Try and enjoy your big night and don't let your friends spoil your happiness. If you don't want to dance with him, don't arrange to.

Lynda

[Quiettall]

Hi Annabelle

As a male, can I suggest you be up front with your friend. Tell him if you want to join with him at the formal but be clear with him what your concerns are. If he is genuine, he will appreciate your honesty and do everything he can to make sure you are comfortable and not isoplated from your friends. Have a great evening and feel proud that you are being asked to a formal evening...it is a real honour and shows he respects you

[annabelle17]

thanks so much guys, this has really helped 🙂