Feeling unwanted

[xosallyxo]

Hello everyone

For a long time i have always felt unwanted and unsupported in my family. Its not something that i am just feeling either. It is the case. It is always with my Dad to. I feel like he always attacks and picks on me the most. I don't know whether it is because he generally hates me or because i look like my mother. Or both. He always treats me like i'm stupid and can't do anything either. Especially with university. My sister was always good with university, good grades and an overall good experience. But because i am not on the same level as her he treats me like i'm an idiot and will never graduate. University is stressful enough and i feel like i need support from him and told that i can do it, rather than always being put down all the time. It hurts. He always acts like he knows everything even though he has never been to university and is always on my case so much about being stupid that I get so stressed and panicky. My siblings are like that too. They always agree with him and tell me to shut up because they know he will just yell some more. No one is ever on my side.

He always attacks me the most. Even if my siblings do the same thing, he doesn't treat them as bad. All i get is shut up. It makes me think sometimes that i'm not his kid. I mean why would he hate me so much. I know this might not be the case, as my mum wasn't like that, but its got me to a point that i really want to be tested to see if i am his child.

My sister to doesn't support me. Because she was so good at university, she treats me like i'm an idiot and won't accomplish grades. Just because i am not as smart as her doesn't mean that i can't do it. I mean i worked hard to get where i am. but you won't know it with the way they treat me.

I just don't know how to deal with him and always feeling so unwanted and unsupported all the time.

[Ken1]

Hi xosallyxo!

Welcome to the forums. So glad you've posted here.

I'm so sorry that you don't feel wanted or supported in your family. I can imagine that would be horrible and is not something you expect from the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally.

Before I say anything, I would like to urge you to see a counsellor to navigate your situation and feelings. I can't provide professional help so I just wanted to encourage you to do that first.

I can't understand how difficult it might be to just push aside how your family sees and treats you; maybe that's not possible to do, I don't know. All I know is what you think of yourself is more important than anything else. Don't believe what people tell you, no matter how close they are to you, when it comes to things that will only degrade and pull you down. There is a 99% chance that they hold no merit and aren't worth your time mulling over and telling yourself.

People will find and establish they skills and uniqueness in such different ways and I want you to know that your differing experiences to your sister doesn't make you stupid or less valuable than her - just different, that's all.

Having someone constantly tell you that you can't do something makes it very very easy to believe! I'm sure it adds a lot of stress and burden to your already difficult Uni workload. It's so not what you need. I'm sorry for your pain.

Who do you have around you outside of your immediate family perhaps that is on your side? Friends, extended family? I can tell you for sure that counsellors have to be on your side, they care only for your best interests, if that's something you're considering.

You can't control how your Dad treats you, and unless you see directly into his head or heart you can't know why either. My best guess is that it comes from his own problems - whatever they may be. If you can rise above that mistreatment, that would be so incredible and imagine how you could prove them all wrong.

I would like to be one person who tells you that you are smart enough to pass Uni with flying colours. To prove them all wrong. To succeed and be super happy!

Lastly, what are your options as far as moving out goes?

Would love to hear back from you,

Bonnie

[SubduedBlues]

Hi Sally

Welcome to BB. It sucks being singled out by a parent, I feel your pain.

Out of five children, my dad seemingly picked on me the most. It was only after becoming a dad myself, and finally cornering him on the 'why' did that to me, did I learn it was because he saw the most potential in me. It was his way of making sure that I achieved all that I could. (sure didn't seem like it at the time)

Wonder if it might be the same for you?

SB

[Ant71]

Hi xosallyxo

my mum singled me out when we were kids. I had learning issues growing up and struggled with everything at school writing was slow and illegible I could barely spell mass was hard as well. My mums solution was extra homework and to call me stupid when it took to long or it was wrong or bad. I don't know if it was because my parents were good at school or because I was the first child so I was the example or maybe it is just how she is ( she still can't give me a compliment). After school I got a trade as it turned out so did both my younger brothers (according to my mum both smarter than me) I was the only one that finished my apprenticeship. Both of my brothers have had alcohol and drug issues. I guess I'm saying be the best you you can be.

I hope that helps