Feeling unaccomplished & like a failure

[S1990]

Im 24 years old, and my life has not at all turned out as I planned.

By this age Id have hoped to have a successful career, money and an easy happy life. 

Instead I have 18k in debt, due to living off my credit card because I earn such awful money at my crappy job, the job which adds to my depression and turns me into a horrible person that not even I can stand, let alone those around me. I have to stick it out becuase despite my efforts I can't seem to gain other employment. 

Its caused me to lose hope, my dreams and goals have faded away, and that teenager I once was who everyone thought would go so far and make something special of herself is long gone. I'm in this hole I can't get myself out of, I can barely even get out of bed. 

I can't honestly remember the last time anyone ever said they were proud of me. I've become a horrible person who pushes everyone away and lashes out at those who love me. Because I'm just so embarrassed and ashamed of my life. 

All my friends are getting married and having babies and in great careers, and I have none of that. I'm no further along in life than I was in highschool. 

I feel so alone, and like I'm the only one. 

[CrashCoyote]

Hi S1990,

I am a 51 yo dad, father of five.

It is very common at your age to be in debt and a low paying job. I was, too. Success usually comes from ten or twenty years of hard work and a fair bit of luck. There is not enough information about you to give more helpful advice, such as whether you live in a major centre or small town, your skill set, your support network and so on.

Believe me that you are young enough still to do anything you want. Talk to someone you trust and listen as objectively as you can. Most things worth doing are hard work and you need to brace yourself for that.

I am happy to keep talking to you on here but either way, please don't lose heart so early into your working and family life.

Kind regards, John.

[Zeal]

Hi S1990,

You are definitely not alone! It can feel like everyone has their life sorted, but many people are dealing with their own issues and internal struggles. I struggled hugely with my self-esteem. I compared myself to others, which made me feel miserable. 

I'm 22 now, and I'm still at university, in my second year of a psychology degree. I lost a few years of my life to mental illness, so I am not as far ahead in life as I could be, but I don't mind anymore. I will be about your age when I finish my undergraduate degree. Then, I hope to be accepted into Honours, and then complete Masters in Psychology, which will take about another 3 years. I would love to be a psychologist; this is what I really want to do in the future. I know that I may not be accepted into the Honours program. If so, I will do an online counselling course.

It’s great that you have a steady job. If you are truly unhappy with your job position, I suppose the main course of action would be to search for new jobs, whilst still working. It's great that you’ve already been doing this.

You sound as if you are really unhappy, angry, and frustrated. For some people, high expectations are thrust upon them by others, whereas some people intensely pressure themselves to achieve certain feats. You seem intelligent, in that you have described your problem, and the meaning behind your behaviour. It’s good that you understand you are shutting out loved ones because of your depression, and because you are embarrassed.

I strongly urge you to see your GP for a referral to a counsellor or psychologist. A counsellor would be less expensive, but you may get money back from your healthcare provider when you pay for psychological services. Your doctor will be able to help you with this. If you are feeling overwhelmed and want to speak to someone right away, you are welcome to call Beyond blue’s 24 hour helpline (1300 22 4636).

At 24, you still have plenty of time to achieve your goals. Many people don’t become financially stable until their 40’s, 50’s, or later, as Crash Coyote said. Try not to compare yourself to your friends, as hard as that can be. Allow yourself to enjoy your time on the weekend. Read fiction novels (I started reading romance fiction during the last uni holidays!), or a jigsaw puzzle. Allow yourself to be immersed in fun activities just for the pure enjoyment of it.

Good luck with seeking help,

SM

[geoff]

dear S1990, I have read the replies from SM and John which are honest and true words to shred some light on their position which could reflect on you.

What does happen is that young adults can quite easily get themselves into debt, because the banks encourage you to keep borrowing money and normally we accept this offer, because these banks have no indulgences when it comes to anybody.

I'm sorry that you are in much debt, but what I would like to know is that have any debt collectors taken over any specific debt, and if so then there are things that need to be done, but if not then that's good.

I have not explained either outcome because I would prefer to know, rather than speculating, so could you please let us know. Geoff.

[S1990]

Hi john, thank you so much for your response, i just joined beyond blue and it's so nice to have people care enough to read my post and respond.

I live near a city, so lots of jobs but sadly it also means more competition  for those jobs, it's disheartening to recieve to many application rejections but I'm trying hard to keep going and not give up as I desperately want to improve my situation. 

My skill set, I have up to a year 12 education, and have dabbled in a few different jobs since school, I did hairdressing, worked for a photography company, a little bit of retail and now I'm currently working in as a cocktail waitress, which doesn't sound so awful, but it's not a very nice place and I'm treated horribly 😞 

so I have this random mix of jobs as I've honestly never really known what I wanted to do career wise. 

I just want to be out of debt and have something to be proud of in life. 

As for my support network, I moved far away from my small home town 3 years ago (hoping for something more in life) so it's also hard to be away from my family, they're supportive of me no matter what, it's more myself that I've let down I think, I'm my worse critic. 

Thanks again for responding 

- Stacey

[S1990]

Hi SM,

Yes I am awful at comparing myself to other people, and I know I shouldn't, but these days when everyone is shoving their lives down your throat on social media i can't help thinking 'why don't I have that' or 'why isn't my life that great'. However I'm also aware people generally only share the good stuff or exaggerate, so I know it's dumb.

Sounds like you have a good life plan going, and what a good field to study, I'm sure you will help many people once qualified! 

and yes I really should contact a professional, I'm too independent sometimes and think I can handle everything on my own, but it gets overwhelming and I need to admit defeat this time! 

Thank you so much for your helpful advice, I appreciate all of it. 

 -Stacey 

[S1990]

Hi Geoff, thanks you're so right, that's exactly what happened, I started with a $3,500 credit card limit and they just kept offering me increases, I shouldn't have taken them 😞 but at the same time it got me through times where I wouldn't have been able to afford to even eat, however I now have to fix the mess I've made. 

So far, I'm making all my payments on time, im cutting it fine some months, it's the interest that really kills me, as when it's next applied it's going to fully max the card out or overdraw it even, hence all my current stressing. I know I've messed up big time. 

Thanks heaps for responding, I just really needed somewhere to vent I guess, and you've all made me feel so welcome. 

-Stacey