Feeling off

[May1]

I don't even know where to start. Seeing as there's a million things I should really talk about & get help/advice for too. But I'll start with what's bothering me at the moment. I've just moved over east from the other side of the country with my fiancé who's in the military, he got based here after training. I've always wanted to move to this side of the country/have a fresh start & everything's great, I can't think of anything I don't like. I just feel really off. I've been having mornings where I just feel so irritated it's unbearable or just feeling like I want to cry or just flat & unmotivated. It's hard to get out of bed or find the energy to do anything. My transition whilst moving here was bad. As I left my state I was working somewhere I really enjoyed (about to get a promotion actually) so I was upset to leave that behind. I also felt as though none of my 'friends' (not that I really had any) didn't care that I was leaving, almost no one bothered to see me besides my work mates. The biggest thing was my fiancé upsetting me. We've had problems in the past that would take way too long to write about but basically he hurt me badly & gave me a lot of trust issues. But we've been working through that ever since & he's done pretty well. Until recently after I had talked to him about my attractive friend that I had become close with. I simply asked him to not make me feel uncomfortable around her (not give her too much attention etc) as we would be around each other in the future. I wanted her to be my bridesmaid too. So when he came back from base for a week and I was at work he decided to go on her game live streaming site (where there is a webcam etc) & play with her. Even though he never plays with me. I found out through friends & he admitted he knew I wouldn't like it so hid it from me. Would've been fine if we all played together first just to make me feel comfortable initially & that I had nothing to worry about but no. So I got very upset, we worked it out he apologised but then 2 days before I was about to get on my flight, she friend requested him on Facebook from her modelling page & he just accepted. Worst part about it was she knew everything & totally disregarded my feelings too & just sort of said "well you have my bf on fb". The pet service I flew my cat with also messed me around really bad & my cat got a little sick from stress which upset me too. To sum it up I'm stuck in this bad feeling,no job,no money,alone,stressed,upset.

[BballJ]

Hi May1,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Very hard situation you are in, new surroundings and what not, can be very stressful to say the least. Have you settled in at all there, have you made any other friends other than this girl?... I'd also like to ask, if your fear your fiance will cheat on you with your friend or just that he hid stuff from you?

It's tough, I understand that, have you also ever considered speaking to a psychologist about what you are feeling? Not saying you have a mental health issue, but just someone to speak to face to face?

My best for you,

Jay

[May1]

Thank you Jay.

I haven't made any friends yet, I'm not the most social person & going out by myself stresses me out. I think once I start working I will meet new people & it will be okay. Also no I don't fear he would cheat on me, it's mainly my own insecurities that make me feel so uncomfortable (not 100% my own fault I guess). So yes mainly because he hid stuff from me, which I know wasn't a crazy bad thing to hide but still hit me in the insecurity area/upset me that my feelings were disrespected.

Yes I was referred to someone by my doctor when I tried to reach out about other things in the past, but the doctor literally laughed at me & made me not want to progress any further. But I have decided with support from my fiancé that I will find someone to talk to. I'm scared for some reason, theres many things I don't want to talk about, I usually just ignore stuff but I know that's not the right thing to do.

Thank you again.

[BballJ]

Hi May1,

That's ok, not everyone is able to go out and talk to random people to make friends, it's so tough I understand that, I've struggled with friends my whole life so I understand. Work is a good place to make friends, I've made some great friends through work and good thing is you already have common ground as you work at the same place, are there any hobbies you like doing where you could meet new people?

Hmm a doctor who laughs at someone really shouldn't be a doctor, but trying to find out who specialises in mental health is key, they understand it so much more. Before i started seeing my psych I never could talk about my issues, and going in I thought I wouldn't have anything to say, low and behold, I spoke and spoke and spoke... and felt some big relief after it as well. So I understand the fear but the end result is so much more satisfying after speaking.

My best,

Jay

[May1]

Hi Jay,

I'm the same way with struggling to make friends but I'm sure it will be okay after I start working, that way I will also have money to go out and do things!

No he shouldn't, it was the worst experience I really should've complained about that or something so he wouldn't go do it to someone else.. That sounds good about your psych, were you scared to go at first too? Did they make you feel comfortable?

Thank you again.

[BballJ]

Hi May1,

I think that's great attitude regarding meeting people at work, no issue with that at all.

I wouldn't say i was scared in the usual sense, just didn't know what to expect, I honestly thought it would be a waste of time as I am not one to talk about my feelings but after the second session, my psych made me feel really comfortable and started challenging me in a good way... If i could go back and tell myself one thing before my first session, i'd say go in with confidence that you are there for a good reason and that is to get better and live a better life.

My best,

Jay