Feeling like a loser in life...

[purpleavenger]

Hi!

This is my first post on Beyondblue, and as the title suggests, I've been recently feeling like a real loser in life. Nothing feels like it's going right anymore, and it's been this way for some time now, but this feeling has resurfaced again this past month or so. My mind's been running real negative, and I've been unable to not focus on the following:

I've been dropped suddenly from 3-4 shifts a week to 1 shift at my casual position, my university grades are declining no matter how hard I try to raise them or appease my tutor's personal requirements (the last couple assessments my heart wasn't really in, to be honest), I have very few - almost no - friends to speak of anymore due to the fact that I can be too honest (bordering on rude - although the few who I lost to 'rudeness' I am not cut up over and are another kettle of fish all together), I've yet to learn to drive (I'm 18 years old), I'm still living at home while most of the people I knew at high school are living away at uni colleges on-campus.

At work, I'm invited to hang out with the 'in-group', but I feel like I'm only invited to be ridiculed (losing with almost no points in strike bowling), and am expected to play to the 'YASS SLAYY WERK IT GURL, YAS QUEEN' gay stereotype by certain people in that work group (needless to say, I do not do this).

At uni, I'm practically used by a good chunk of my 'uni friends' as someone to sit with/talk to while they wait for another one of our friends who I can guarantee they see as a more interesting person. It's been really hard on me experiencing new friendships not just fizzling out, but becoming a bit of a one-way transaction.

I just want to feel like I'm succeeding in my academic and all-round endeavors in life, like I'm interested in the things I used to be interested in (like my degree, art, etc), and like I'm valued in the workplace and in the relationships that I establish with others.

I'm not one to usually give a flying fig about what I'm doing in relation to others either (like not actually accumulating any driving hours at all as of yet, or still living at home), but recently these things have been really playing on my mind something terrible.

I really just want to be 'reborn' and be living a really enjoyable life once again, with friends and regular work etc (don't we all), and I'm at a real loss on how to find it within myself to get out and restore the balance.

Thank you for kindly taking your time to read this post 🙂

[Sophie_M]

Welcome purpleavenger, and thanks for sharing your story with us. I'm sorry to hear you've been ina negative headspace lately. I know when that happens it's tempting to start mentally ticking off all the things that are wrong with your life and comparing it to others. The problem with that is it starts to become a habit, you teach your brain to look for the negatives and it makes it harder to break out of and recgonise the things you have accomplished. If you've been feeling down for a while now, and have lost interest in things that used to make you happy it might be worth seeing a GP as these can be symptoms of depression. Have you spoken to anyone else in your life about how you're feeling?

[Gruffudd]

Hi there Purpleavenger, I love the name and that you have joined us. Welcome.

OK so anxiety girl has the best advice, but I want to know more if you would let me...

3 questions to start, don't worry if they are too hard, can always come back to them one day. Happy to talk about whatever you want on these forums.

What do other people tend to like about you?

What has been important to you, what do you get passionate about?

How can we best support you to move forward?

One thing I like about beyond blue is that there are lots of good listeners here, and there is lived experience of just about everything. Please make sure you explore all the forums and post if you want to say something.

I happen to be gay and no good at the stereotypes. After school I went to uni in the country to study Social Work and had a patch where I really was not going anywhere, reconnecting with those things that are important to me was my way to reengage. I took a break from uni and went to TAFE and did timber studies (for entirely shallow reasons) It gave me time to think, get different work, and to reconnect with me. Then I went back and finished uni. Everyone has a different path, could be seeking the help and pushing on is the thing.

I'd love to hear more anyway.

Rob.

[white knight]

Hi

Rob and Sophie have some sound advice.

You can also google the following and read just the first post. It might help

Topic: the labyrinth of friendships- beyondblue

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

Topic: depression and motivation- beyondblue

Rob touched on a change if direction (he changed to a tafe course). There us merit in thus as the thread "be radical" also suggests.

To get out there and do something different. It might need some firm planning like getting your licence

Tony WK

[purpleavenger]

Hi guys - Thank you so much for your time, and for the care in your replies.

In response to Sophie_M, I haven't yet spoken to anyone professional, but I've had several chats with my Dad a couple times, which has been somewhat helpful. Dad's offered the "your shifts will pick up"/"you'll find friends" kind of reassurance -and he's right, really, there isn't much more to say. I guess I just have trouble believing/keeping those sorts of reassurances at the front of my mind. (I should mention that since my original post, I've picked up 1 more shift in the coming weeks, which is little improvement, but also, some improvement on that side of things). But yes, I've only spoken really to my Dad about how I've been feeling.

In response to Gruffudd, I'll answer your three questions:
(1) - (I don't want to sound like I'm tooting my own horn here, but) People tend to like that I'm funny in an awkward, sort of Kath & Kim, Patsy Stone kind of way. People also admire my imagination/my creativity in writing/telling stories (I'm studying Creative Writing), and my visual art (which I don't do much of anymore). My compassion toward others feelings and experiences is also popular among some of my co-workers and remaining friends, and my advice is apparently quite solid.
(2) - Honesty and creativity have always been important to me, and I'm also very passionate about both. Creatively, I mean visual (and multimedia) art, storytelling (TV and film, and DC superhero comic books), drawing etc. In Honesty, I mean not only telling the truth, but also having the guts to be who you are across the board, in the way you express yourself to the way you dress, to the way you say 'hello'. I always try to stay true to the idea of who I am (even if I'm not always so sure of it), and I admire that in others.
(3) - Originally, I came to Beyondblue to share how I'm feeling with others who presumably are going through/have gone through similar experiences, in the hope someone would reassure me that this was only temporary and everything would pick up again. But, since posting, I've realised Beyondblue can help me by just being that ear to listen, and offering constructive advice to get past it and get back on the horse (which I've already begun to receive, and I especially took heed of White Knight's "firm planning" re: my license). As I alluded to in my OP, I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment, and am really here for some guidance from people who've "lived it".

Thank you guys again!

[DanThaman]

Hey Purpleavenger,

Im only 22 years old and have experienced some tough times myself.

I didn't get my drivers license until i was 19. I was lucky enough to live within walking distance of both my work and university, so i never really had the need to obtain my license straight away. Also, i was super nervous driving in the beginning, as im sure we all were. Honestly, you only gain confidence by doing more of it.

I know it sucks, but people are drawn to others who come across as approachable. Seeming down all the time and being introverted doesn't help our situations. I think having a positive perspective on situations can be a huge advantage. I fell out with the majority of my highschool friends after school finished and the two i try to keep in contact with both live over an hour away, so i dont get to see them often. It can be hard at times, but people come and go through your life frequently and its up to you to see the benefits in the situations you have.

If you feel like your alone, perhaps join a few clubs you might be interested in. That way you'll be surrounded by people who share the same interests as you. Try to get yourself out there more and engage in social activity, and take advantage of opportunities that present themselves. It's easier said than done, but getting yourself out there can present many positive outcomes.

Keep being true to yourself and be positive and be comfortable with what your doing. As long as you are happy then you're doing the right thing.