Feeling hollow

[TheConnoisseur]

Let's list them off shall we;

I'm highly anxious atm for a number reason such as I'm under two months to being 18 and had a job actually sprung on me without warning by my father ( get your resume, this is where you will have to work). I did my first shift without trouble due to experience home cooking (jobs at subway) I was feeling mostly emotionally disconnected until the end where I picked up my paperwork and was slammed with anxiety of many things such as worrying how much of my life was now going to be sucked up by this unwanted job. Logic states that it alright to be anxious and just to follow through but the ripples on the water per se spoke differently. This feeling ate away at me for a while then subsided but after my second shift it returned as I awaited my roster. The roster took ages so I relaxed however I continuously have been having suicidal thoughts and have been struggling at times to connect with reality. What doesn't help is that there appears to be no further shifts scheduled according to the app but I don't if there is something must do. What also doesn't help is that my sessions with a counsellor are finishing up and I can't get in contact with him rn. I'm just really feeling so empty and lifeless like I'm already dead.

[Sophie_M]

Hello TheConnoisseur, 

Thank you for sharing your story with our community. What you are going through sounds so, so overwhelming! 

It seems like there is a lot of pressure on you right now... especially seeing as you're almost 18 and there has been so much change occurring. I can imagine there would be a lot that feels out of your control right now too, like with work. It's very common to experience suicidal thoughts and challenges connecting with reality when we are feeling this way. I am wondering, what is it that you feel you really need right now to feel more comfortable in your body/in reality? Knowing this could be a helpful clue as to what might need to change for you to feel better!

It must feel quite daunting knowing your sessions with your counsellor are finishing up. Have you been able to contact him since you posted this? It could be really helpful to let him know how you're feeling so you can create a plan for more support moving forward? It might also be good to explore a Safety Plan, just in case these thoughts of suicide become a little louder. I know that can seem really scary to think about, but a plan in place can help you to manage these more intense thoughts and feelings.

Create your Beyond Now suicide safety plan online

With everything going on, it must be hard to feel full of life, so let's not put too much more pressure on you to feel amazing. What about... 1% better?  Let's start there. 😊

Looking forward to your reply.

Warm regards, 
Sophie M.