I'm 18 in a few months and I feel as if I'm completely wedged in a ditch and am not getting out any time soon. I live with my mother and her boyfriend (they've been together since I was little).
Starting from the beginning, a few years ago there was a bad bullying situation at school which caused me a lot of stress and triggered a lot of anxiety and depression. I dropped out of school at the beginning of year 11 after trying many different schooling options. As you can imagine I was so happy at first but that being said I've lost a lot of contact with people and feel incredibly lonely at times. I'm wavering on the decision of going back to a campus to complete my high school education.
Lately, I've been feeling really not myself. I've come to a realisation that I've completely changed. I used to be so outgoing and happy but now I lock myself away in my bedroom almost every day and just sleep because I don't want to deal with the outside world. I have a couple of friends but I get the feeling my closest friend is distancing herself from me. I try so hard to be a good friend and to make an effort to hang out with people but it seems that it doesn't work both ways. I feel so rejected because of this. I always see girls hanging out and having fun and I'm alone in my bedroom. Not to mention the fact that I just don't seem to fit in with anyone. I have nothing in common with people my age anymore because I've grown mentally a lot in the past two years.
At home, I don't get along with my mothers boyfriend. In fact, we despise each other. The problem here is. My mother and her boyfriend hold me back. I received my L's a fair few months ago and mum acted as if she was so excited and almost began crying when I passed my test (I know) yet I haven't been taken on a single lesson yet. No matter how many times I ask they always say they are to busy and I'll find them watching a movie on the couch. This really hurts me because even my younger cousin has been on more lessons than me and she's had hers for three days. Another thing is, I am so passionate about acting and film. I so badly want to begin lessons and I've asked my mother multiple times, pleaded with her to let me join and she just says "I will think about it". It really hurts because she knows how much it means to me yet she doesn't care.
Im so tired of feeling helpless and broken. There is so much more I could say but I don't have enough characters so I'll leave it here. Thanks for listening/reading.
