Family Dissapointed In Me

[JKB0306]

So basically I really need help from anyone who can give really good advice 😕 So I've been going to my friend's house an awful lot (basically every weekend) because every single weekend my mother and father just play heaps of loud music and it some how nearly almost everytime turns into a huge argument over something petty. And it gives me mad anxiety every weekend so I go to my friend's house because it's chill there. But now my mother always gets angry and dissapointed/jealous that I spend more time with my friend then I do with my own family......somebody please help me...😔

[Sophie_M]

Hey JKB0306,

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken such a brave step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. We're so sorry to hear that you're feeling really low due to what's happening in your family at the moment but please know that you've come to safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

If you feel up to it, we'd also really encourage you to reach out to our friends at Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under, and are available for support and advice 24/7 on 1800 55 1800 as well as through webchat if you'd feel more comfortable talking online: www.kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat (1pm-12am AEST) on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

You're not alone here, and we hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. 

[Dejena]

Just tell her this music and arguments are making u anxious and u need to escape.

[tranzcrybe]

So your parents like to let their hair down at the weekend and live it up a bit... too much. They enjoy the loud music and possibly the chance to vent frustrations of the week by bizarrely taking it out on each other, curious; but what are they doing to involve you in the festivities? What pleasure are you expected to derive from their activities? Perhaps you could mention feeling excluded by their choices (I'd stay away from mentioning the behaviour just yet) and suggest something you could all enjoy together. Although, if it weren't for the arguments, would you want to be spending more time with family than friends?

[geoff]

Hello JKB0306, and a warm welcome and sorry for the position you are in, as I wasn't too pleased myself when my sons had friends over and played music loud enough for the town to hear, it certainly didn't agree with me, especially when I was in depression.

If they are staying in your house for whatever reason that may be, then you set the rules, giving them an allowance one way or another on what is accepted, and if you don't want to listen to this loud music then there are ways for this not to happen and avoid a situation like you have to try and cope with.

If your mother gets ' gets angry and dissapointed/jealous' that she believes you are spending enough time with them, then explain about the other 5 days you're with them and allow them some benefits, but the music is definitely a no no and disconnect the unit.

Perhaps they can listen to it in a shed but I'm not sure how the neighbours will feel and they may ask them to keep the noise down, it's good you have them stay with you, but rules are rules and everyone has to abide by them.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[smallwolf]

Hi.

It is or can be tricky to have to explain to your parents about things like loud music... When you would expect it to be the other way around.

The only additional thought I have is...

I communication

Something you can lookup on Google. Rather than saying "you play your music too loud" you can start with "I feel the need to go to..."

It is a way of lowering the defense of someone you are speaking to and reduces the chances of argument. Worth a thought.

It might seem I have ignored your parents fighting - I communication works there also.

I am not sure what activities or things you have to do on the weekend and perhaps you and your parents could work out some boundaries?