Emotionally Numb or just strong?

[Mikimouse]

Hello! This is my first thread on here so I'll give you some background info first then get into the main problem. I have generalised anxiety disorder and suffer from panic attacks. I've been in therapy for a year now and my panic attacks rarely occur anymore. About 3 years ago I had my heart absolutely destroyed by my best friend. I didn't know that one human could feel so much pain. I was in shambles for 2 and a half years, always sad, constantly anxious, having panic attacks every week.... it was bad. Last year I really started to realise that my situation was unhealthy so I started therapy and started learning how to cope. It's been a year and I don't feel any pain caused from my best friend... but I also don't feel any negative emotions either. I don't get sad, I don't cry anymore, I don't feel guilt or fear. I feel anger but only slightly. I can feel happiness and all the positive emotions but not the negative ones. I'm not sure why this is. I think it may be my bodies way to deal with stress around school, (I'm a high school student) but even after exams it takes me months to get slightly normal again, then in a weeks time I'm emotionally unavailable again (also the fact that I feel kinda empty inside when I get like this) . It's starting to put a strain on my relationships because I'm second guessing everything and everyone. Please help.

[geoff]

hello Mikimouse, can I welcome you to the site.

When your best friend destroys your trust it breaks your heart and I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, but pleased therapy has been a success.

The negative thoughts are nowhere near as strong as your positive emotions are, that's living a terrific life, it means you can overcome your worries, but before or after your exams there is going to be some doubt on how well you have done, so your positive thoughts are trying to battle your negative thoughts, that will leave you feeling 'emotionally unavailable', don't worry your positive emotions will take over.

Your second guessing maybe a worry as to whether you have done better than your class mates, but continue your therapy because it has helped you overcome your panic and anxiety attacks, so it is going to help you once again. Geoff.