Eating Disorder

[red99]

Hi,

So I have been struggling with what I think is Bulimia for about 2.5 years now. Basically, it all started when my friend called me fat one day and I looked in the mirror and thought ''she's right". I was 75kg at the time, which was slightly above the recommended for my height (I'm 5'8'') I decided to change my life, I went on a diet and joined a gym, I seriously cared about the processed foods I was putting in my body before and how much they had damaged me. Anyways, I ended up dropping down to 55kg at my lowest, I was feeling myself! Like I thought I looked so hot, I still got fussy about things not looking nice on me sometimes but overall I was happy with myself and my life. Then my parents started to get worried because the weight was just not staying on at all, I kept losing kgs without trying. My period stopped, and my Mum says white hair stared growing on my arms but I honestly didn't even notice.

Then I started my senior years of schooling. In Year 11 I put so much pressure on myself to study and do well, that in my spare time I would binge eat. When I started feeling sad about that, I wouldn't eat for the entire day the next day and go to the gym twice. It was slightly irregular then, but it progressively got worse. During Year 12, I would struggle to focus on my studies because I was so tired all the time, I never slept because I was so stressed and it just made me more likely to binge the next day. That's when I started throwing up. I would get in the shower after eating an insane amount of food (so much that it hurt), and then throw up until I couldn't anymore. That happened almost every night in the lead up to my HSC.

When I finished school, it got even worse. I had my license so I would just go out to the local shops and buy every bit of junk food I could find. Then I would sit and eat it in my car by myself. Then I would come home some hours later, having lied to my parents about where I've been, and then hop in the shower. I am in first year university now, and I weigh 75 kg again. I keep trying to stop myself, I am in my own head all the time. I want to go and see someone about it but I'm scared. Mostly that I will fail at getting better, or that they won't be able to help me, or that my parents might find out about what I've done for the past year and a half. I constantly reject invitations from my friends to go out because I feel so terrible about myself. I don't want to be this way any more. I need help!

[Croix]

Dear Red99~

Welcome to the Forum. It can be a pretty good move and the start of getting a handle on things thanks to other people's experiences. Your problems are far from unusual and can be made better.

You are facing a very worrying miserable time and are quite right, help is needed. How you are now is no way to live - I'd like to assure you better is ahead. I had depression, anxiety and other problems, they came out in other behavior and physical symptoms to yours, but did respond to treatment.

Problems such as yours respond well to treatment, you do not have to worry that you will fail to get better.

I could not 'cure myself' and was in fact getting worse at the time I got proper treatment. For me that consisted of meds, a psychiatrist, therapy and support.

If I was you I would book a long consultation with your GP, and set out all that has been happening. Make sure you do tell all, no matter how embarrassing. I found I had to write it all down first and share the paper to get it right and not leave stuff out.

I would not be surprised if you ended up like me on meds, also with a Health Plan, visits to a physiologist and therapy.

Please also ask the doctor's advice on ensuring you have enough nourishment and also hydration.

Apart from the medical side of things I found I really needed outside support to make it though successfully. I would be pretty sure you do too - it's important. I know you have hidden this from your parents up till now.

Could you think if there is anyone, parent or other, who you can talk to, who will be supportive and try to help? Ideally the whole family should be involved to smooth your path.

Most parents are concerned about their son or daughter as they are now, and do not worry overmuch what has happened in the past.

I'll also mention Student Health Services at your Uni. They run a confidential service and can help with such matters as assignment deadlines.

While you are here have a browse this Forum and see how others have coped in your situation.

beyondblue has a fair amount of information on eating disorders in The Facts menu above and also publishes a fact sheet found here:

http://resources.beyondblue.org.au/prism/file?token=BL/0700

With help and some time you will be fine, have a fairer image of yourself and have a better life.

I'd really like it if you could post back and say how you are going.

Croix