dont have any friends

[hello_panda]

I don’t really have any friends right now, and to be honest, I didn’t really have them in high school either. A lot of it felt forced or fake. I always hoped uni would be different, that I’d find “my people”, but it’s been the opposite.

University has felt really isolating. Everyone seems busy, caught up in their own world, and it’s rare that anyone really talks or makes an effort to hang out. I’ve tried putting myself out there, joining things, starting conversations, but it never seems to lead anywhere lasting. It’s starting to feel really disheartening.

Because of it, I’ve noticed I can’t study like I used to. I used to push through things on my own, but now it just feels... exhausting. There’s something really heavy about doing everything alone all the time from lectures to lunch breaks. I never thought the loneliness would affect me this much, but it’s honestly been creeping in.

[Croix]

Dear Hello_panda~

Welcome here to the forum, I hope you find it helpful.  One thing to say at the start is start forming friendships is a two person thing. It is not only you looking for a friend, but them looking for one too.

You sound has if you have made efforts to join in, but it has not worked out. Being first year  uni can be very lonely, it is a new environment and a new self-directed way of working. Hopefully some lectures and tutorials are in person and not all on  line.

There are two things I might suggest. The first, as your ability to study is less, is to go and see your lecturer and ask if there is a study group you can join. Working with others at a common task can be a fruitful ground.

The other thing is to be observant, there will always be crowds of people that know each other - maybe from school. There will also people that are by themselves, hesitate to join in, eat lunch alone and spend more time reading. Try to make friends with people like these, they may welcome the social contact having been like you, isolated.

Croix

[Lost_Soul]

I cannot express to you just how much I relate to this post. I don't have any friends in my life either, and I thought I'd find my people in uni but just like how have described......I couldn't 😞     I've been feeling very lonely too, to the point that it's impacting my mental health and I struggle to study. 

[sbella02]

Hello_panda and Lost_Soul,

I've decided to respond to you both as it seems that you're both in similar positions. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been struggling with loneliness, how awful.

It can feel really isolating when we try to make friends but feel that our efforts have been wasted on people who do not seem to care to reciprocate. As somebody who does the same and is quite often met with people who don't appreciate or share my joy in human connection, I can relate to that disheartening feeling. It's confusing to me why some others don't feel that same willingness to connect in the way that I do. I think that there's something to be learned from everybody, and that everyone has a valuable contribution to make to the world. 

I would like to reframe this situation slightly, in that the people who do not reciprocate your efforts to connect are probably not worth your time anyway, if they do not care to get to know you further. Even from your post, Hello_panda, I can gauge that you are somebody who might feel quite deeply about things, and likely enjoys having interesting conversations with people who are willing to listen to you and share their own insights about the world with you.

Clubs can be good places for making friends (both inside uni and outside), depending on what your university campus' social life is like. Some universities have a broad range of clubs, others may only have a few. Otherwise, there are often local clubs or groups based on your interests that you can find via social media (like Facebook) that can be good for fostering meaningful connections with others. These could be for things like sport, or hobby clubs, anything like that.

I agree with Croix's suggestion of joining a study club/group, or perhaps creating one of your own for your degree. It doesn't even have to be for your degree, just a study group for university-goers in general. I've known people to start up clubs at uni before. 

I hope this advice helps in some way, I would also like to echo everything that Croix has said as I think that's really important too. I've managed to find some really good friends at uni, and I feel that everybody deserves to have that same experience. Unfortunately, some degrees lend themselves to socialising more than others, and sometimes it may be better to immerse yourself in crowds from other degrees to find people who you connect really well with.

Feel free to keep chatting with us if you'd like, we're here to support you both.

Take care, SB