despair & forcing myself into a depressed mood

[another_human]

Hi,

I'm turning 16 and I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, my mum also has really high functioning GAD and my dad has depression. Lately I feel like I have been putting myself in a depressed mood, I just keep thinking about things that people my age I guess wouldn't really think about. I keep thinking of questions that have no answers like "Does anything matter?", "How small our lives are in comparison to the universe." and "Why we spend so much of our lives searching for things that can't be found?" and it makes everything feel so numbered, like I only have a certain amount of days before time is up which is true, but not something I'd like to think about. I then think about people who have it worse than me, and I feel bad that I feel this way because there are people out there who live with worse. I feel like I absorb the worlds problems (environmental, political etc.), and I KNOW they're not solely mine but I can't help but do this. I don't know when I started to do this. I don't know why I think like this. And I don't want to. Am I putting myself into depressed moods? Because sometimes it feels that way. And when I'm in a depressed state I just don't feel like getting out of it.

If anyone else has experienced something like this, I would love some advice.

Thanks

[Peppermintbach]

Hi another.human,

Good on you for reaching out here. I feel anxiety and depression can both be so debilitating. I really feel for you as I’ve had (have) struggles with both...

I wanted to respond because I felt that I could relate to your post as I often asked myself similar questions when I was your age. Fast forward to now and I’m an adult but I still ask myself similar questions. Lol.

It goes without saying that your questions are complex questions with even more complex (and diverse) answers. I’m just stating the obvious here...

You know, in some messed up way, I actually don’t think it’s an entirely bad thing to care about environmental, political and social problems in the world. Obviously, I wouldn’t want you to feel overwhelmed and debilitated by the enormity of it all. But to care and hopefully then want to do something about it is a good thing.

I suppose, and feel free to correct me if I’m way off the mark, part of the issue is maybe figuring out for yourself where is the middle ground between feeling overwhelmed and feeling empowered to make social/polical/environmental change a reality?

I absolutely agree that those world problems aren’t solely yours. My gentle suggestion is to acknowledge that no single person can solve every single world problem. But I feel what we can do is to solve or contribute to subsets of problems to improve the state of the world. Or at least in my opinion...

For example, if you’re most passionate about asylum seeker rights and welfare, maybe focus on that. If you’re most passionate about climate change, focus on that, for example. Etc, etc. I feel, while it’s impossible for any one person to do everything, we can do still do something...

I wonder if contributing to a social justice cause (only if you aren’t already) could perhaps even lift some of your depression if part of it stems from a deep caring about world problems.

That being said, I also understand it’s a bit of a double edged sword because the very nature of depression is that it sometimes means we lack the motivation and drive (or as you said “when I’m in a depressed state, I just don’t feel like getting out of it”

[Peppermintbach]

Hi again,

Sorry, I accidentally hit “post” before I finished writing and had a chance to read what I wrote. Oh dear...my bad, sorry about that...

So to continue from the above...in my own opinion, I personally feel there’s a missing specialist area in the psych field. What I mean by this is there are psychs who specialise in family problems, anxiety and depression, PTSD, etc. But I actually think there’s a need for some psychs to specialise in mental health issues specifically related to concerns about world problems...maybe it does already exist but it’s clearly not very well known or it’s still in the development stage? I think people often underestimate just how debilitating it can be for some people who feel the weight of the world’s probelms on their shoulder yet professional support for it, from my own experience, is often very lacking...

Yes, a person might learn new coping mechanisms, be introduced to new ideas, analyse and interpret, challenge, explore emotions, etc but despite all that, if the heart of someone’s mental health issues is about the state of the world then the issue still remains...very much so...

Anyway, that’s just something that I wanted to share from my own experiences...

I was thinking, based on your philosophical questions, you might benefit from visiting a psychologist who specialises in existential therapy. I’m grossly oversimplifying but I’ve read that they specialise in concepts of “free will” and the search for meaning. The only drawback is I don’t think many psychs specialise in this field but I feel someone like that might be helpful to you....

Sorry, for the long posts. I hope we hear from you again but no pressure. I’m not sure if I’ve been particularly helpful but, to some extent, I feel that I do understand...more than you may know...

sending kind thoughts,

Pepper

[geoff]

Hello Another.human, welcome and I replied to you on another post by Arn.Hillier, but here you raise some good points.

With both parents suffering from depression it's possible you might also be affected, doing the shopping, cooking or paying the bills for them and eventually you become absorbed with their way of life.

Yes there are people worse off than we are ourselves, but you have to have concern for yourself first of all, that's your first priority and I believe that circumstances have slowly developed over time which has made you become depressed.

At 16 you may have a school counsellor you can talk to, and if that doesn't work out then ask your parents to make an appointment with their doctor.

We still want you to talk with us if that's what you want to do because all of us have been through and some are still struggling with depression but have been so kind to try and help others.

I think you could absorb the world news more when you are depressed, maybe that's not true, but everyone is different and don't want to know what's going on, I say this because the questions you ask are not easy to answer.

Geoff.

[Birdy77]

Dear another.human, (Hi Pepper and Geoff 😊),

I can relate to your feelings 100% another.human.

I felt as you do when I was your age, and, like Pepper, I still feel as you do, many years later.

What I think your post shows is that you have a very large capacity for compassion. This is a beautiful quality, but it does hurt your heart, because you take on other's pain.

And it gives your shoulders a very heavy burden, carrying the weight of the world's problems on them.

I have no magic solutions, because as I said, I am still feeling similar feelings to you a couple of decades or so further down the track ... but what Pepper said was wise: focus on things you can do to make a difference, however small it may seem to you at the time. You can find a sense of peace and a sense of purpose in that. You can't change the whole world, but you can the way you interact with the world and that's powerful, particularly for your mental health.

I often feel like I am putting myself in a depressed state, like you, and sometimes I think it's a bit of a coping mechanism. A way of locking myself out of the world, so that I don't have to deal with it. Kinda like give me a cave out in the woods away from everything and I'll be there in 2 seconds flat.

You are certainly not alone in your feelings another.human.

🌻birdy

[another_human]

Thank you Pepper, Geoff and Birdy 🙂

Everything you have said has resonated with me, I'm seeing my counsellor out of school soon so I'll probably bring this up.

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one, I feel like with depression it's hard to keep up with everything and sometimes it feels so isolating.

I'll definitely think of things that I can control and can put energy towards.

Thank you ❤️ hope to speak again

another.human

[Peppermintbach]

Hi another.human (waves to Geoff and birdy),

Thank you so much for checking in again 🙂 I think it’s great to hear from you.

I’m glad you got something out of our posts. I hope your counsellor visit goes well. Feel free to tell us how that goes but only if you wish as there’s no pressure or obligation...

Yes, I agree it can be comforting to feel less alone in our feelings. I also like how you’re thinking of what you can put your energy (passion?) towards...

You’re clearly very introspective, highly intelligent and deeply caring, which are all beautiful qualities in my opinion 🙂

I hope we speak again too...

kindness and warmth,

Pepper