Depression has found me, I've found depression. Help?

fluroguitar15 · ‎08-12-2015

Hi... I have been struggling with mild-serve Anxiety since 2010 and I have been deeply sad for a year or so now and it has come to a point in the last few weeks-months where I am terrified. I am scared of myself, and I am scared of feeling like this. I don't want to feel like this, but I feel as though there is a big black cloud following me around from above and I cannot get rid of it. I no longer enjoy things that I'd used to, and my friendships and relationships are becoming really badly ruined. I am currently seeing a psychologist, but I don't know how to tell him/her that I think I am depressed because I don't want to be judged as I know there is other people in the world worse off than me and I don't want to attention seek, I hate being the centre of attention. I just want it to go away, I want to be happy, with not only how I look but from inside. I start year 12 in 2016 and I was confident with it ahead a month ago but now I don't want to be apart of it at all, I can't do it like this. I really don't know what to do, I can't tell my Mum I feel depressed as she won't believe me, she will think it is all in my head (anxiety) and that I'm fine and just over thinking it. I have told someone very close to me, but I seem to keep getting nothing out of that. Please help me with advice? I'm so so scared and trapped.

Zeal · ‎08-12-2015

Hi Fluoro Guitar,

Welcome to the forum! I understand the frustration of having lived all your teen years with anxiety. I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder at 13. It got quite severe, but is now milder and more manageable because I have seen specialists about it and I also take SSRI medication for my serotonin deficiency.

It's good you're seeing a psychologist. Please don't worry about being judged. You won't be, as psychologists are trained to understand people's concerns, fears, and different perspectives. I have one year left of a psychology degree at uni, and to be trained as a psychologist (doing Honours and Masters after the three year degree) is hard work. Students who train to be psychologists learn to be understanding and non-judgemental.

Even though there are always people out there in the world who are 'worse off' and are suffering intensely in horrid situations like war and poverty, that doesn't diminish the importance of you seeking help for your own concerns. Mental illness does not discriminate - anyone can be afflicted with it. No one chooses to develop a mental illness. Needing to seek help about fears and anxieties that are causing you emotional pain is not attention-seeking. You deserve to talk about what is on your mind privately with your psychologist.

This summer holidays is a chance for you to keep having conversations with your psychologist, so that you can start to make small positive changes before school next year. I struggled in Year 12 with anxiety, and wish I saw a psychologist about that at the time. That was five years ago now.

When you're having a reasonable day, try talking to your Mum about how you've been feeling. She might surprise you, and be a great help 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

Lori · ‎08-12-2015

Hi fluroguitar15,

Welcome to the Beyondblue forums! A massive welldone to you for reaching out that is great!!

Honestly i can not agree more with what SM had to say i could have not have said it better myself. Living with mental illnesses can be horrible especially when you don't have the family support or feel that you can't reach out to them i can understand and relate to that 100% i lived with many mental illnesses that were servere for almost 5years until i told them..

I think that it is absolutely great that you are speaking to a Psychologist it is such a big step but a great one! But please don't ever feel that you can't talk to them about certain things and most importantly don't ever feel that they will judge you because they won't they are there to listen and support you no matter what situation it is. Also yes there might be others worse off but that doesn't mean you don't deserve the help and support you need you are just as important as those.

Your in year 12 next year!! how exciting last year of your school journey, you will blitz it! But as SM has explained you have the summer holidays to chat to your Psychologist before facing year 12 this can be really helpful for you as you can let everything out, and be able to start year 12 with less worries. The same with your Mum you feel you can't tell her how you are feeling but i also always felt that but i had a great outcome and im sure you will too if you explain and let her know that it is serious.

Don't ever feel that you are not important, or that you don't deserve the help. You are also NOT an attention seeker - not at all. Keep reaching out talk to your Psychologist don't hold back, reach out to your mum and to other family and friends.

Be yourself and stay strong!! Keep in touch & goodluck

- Lori 🙂

Fubvertet · ‎09-12-2015

Hello Fluroguitar

I understand your hesitations in talking to your psychologist, but the best, if only advice i can offer you is this: Psychologists are exposed to a lot of mental issues throughout their career, because of this i can assure you that simply, telling him "Dr BLANK i think i have depression, and this is why" will in no way cause him to see you as any less of a person. I know because i have done this multiple times. And they have all reacted with the utmost professionalism.

But in the end they are only there to guide you onto the correct path. You will be the one doing most of the heavy lifting.

Personally, i find that listening to music while dwelling on my darker emotions will lead me to breakthroughs in my issue which i will then bring to my next session and discuss with my psychologist who will suggest some tips and so on.

But what works for me might not for you. But i can only give what i have soooo.......

I offer you my Good wishes and want you to know that i will keep cheering you from the sidelines my fellow brother/sister in arms! 😄