Depressed, anxious and really struggling.

[Monnay]

I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Depression last year, but have suffered with anxiety since I was about five, and have been suffering with depression for the past four years, but only last year did I reach out to my dr for help. I began by seeing a psychologist, and had a few sessions with her, but she ended up making me feel worse, and pushed me deeper into my anxiety and depression. My dr then sent me to a psychiatrist and she actually listened to me and was understanding. She prescribed me medication, which I was only on for 2 months. For the first month I felt horrible, I had migraines, and nausea. But then for about 2 weeks or so I felt much better! I felt so much lighter. I didn't feel happy per say, but I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. But then after the 2 weeks, one night I noticed my eyes kept rolling into the back of my head. I tried to go to sleep but couldn't even close my eyes because my eyes were rolling so far back into my head. My mum took me to the hospital and I couldn't even walk because my eyes were so far back in my head. The doctors were absolutely confused and spent way too long trying to figure out what was wrong with me before calling down the clinical psychologist. Immediately he said I had EPS, as well as serotonin syndrome. He gave me an injection and FINALLY my eyes stopped rolling into the back of my head. Since then I've been slowly increasing on a different medication, but it hasn't started working for me yet, so I still feel as down and anxious as ever. My only friend just doesn't understand what I'm going through and is busy with her own life, so I feel quite alone. My mum is going through her own problems at the moment, and she tries to be there for me but it's hard for her. I never want to leave the house, I'm afraid of everything, I'm extremely sad, irritable, anxious and lack energy. I find it so hard to do anything, I am so tired all the time and I have no motivation, which is horrible since I'm trying to study two online courses and I NEED to get through them, but struggle so much. I feel so completely alone at the moment, and I'm angry at myself for feeling the way I do, I wish I could just snap out of it and I feel like I have no right to feel the way I do. I'm 18 and I feel like my teenage years have been completely wasted because I've hardly done anything. I'm just really struggling, and wanted to reach out to people who understand what I'm going through.

[White_Rose]

Dear Monnay

I am so glad you have reached out to Beyond Blue and welcome to the community. I can appreciate how overwhelmed you feel with all that is happening to you. I am so sorry you had such a dreadful reaction to the AD. Most reactions are comparatively minor and often go away after a few weeks. I once had serotonin syndrome and it was horrible but nowhere near as bad as your experience. Hopefully your new AD will be kinder and effective.

How much do you know about depression and anxiety? BB has a bank of information on both of these illnesses. Look under the tabs at the top of the page, Resources and The Facts. You can download this information or ask BB to send you printed copies. There is also information for family and friends. It may be useful to get this publication and give it to your mom.

I have two suggestions about your studies. One is to ask for a deferment for six months and pick up again when you feel better. If this is not possible, then try option two. But think seriously about option one. Try and stand back from your emotions and consider the long term benefits.

At the moment you are overwhelmed by your feelings. This is normal, just in case you are concerned about this. If you want to continue studying now then consider this process. Get out your books etc and study one topic for one hour only. Set an alarm clock if necessary and stop after one hour. Even if you want to continue, don't.

If you push yourself too hard you will exhaust what little physical and emotional energy you have. After studying go and do something more active. I know you don't want to leave your home, but try to go for a walk for ten minutes. Just walk around the block. You will have achieved two things and will feel good about it. Reward yourself with a coffee or similar, No alcohol. Sit on the patio and read a book etc

After a while repeat the process. One hour of study and stop. Do something completely different. Chat with mom if she is home, find a neutral topic. Another short walk, weed the garden.

If you complete short bursts of study, interspersed with a different activity you will retain more information and start to whittle down your workload.You'll be surprised how much you accomplish in these one hour sessions. Aim for two sessions per day if possible.

It will require some discipline on your part. At the moment you are stressing over your lack of progress. Let it all go for a while or do a little each day. Worry and doing nothing will make matters worse.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Hey Monnay

How are you going? Thought I would check in with you.

Mary