Debilitating Anxiety

[Yuki-]

I'm 17 years old, and have had anxiety and panic attacks since I was about 12. My Mum has anxiety as well so she has been able to help me understand it and how to try cope with the attacks.

For me, school is the most stressful thing in the word. I feel like I can't even enjoy the weekends because all I can think about is the stress that starts every Monday. It feels as though it's a never-ending cycle. I cancel plans with friends frequently, I really don't care whether I see them or not most of the time. Sometimes I don't go on my phone for weeks at a time because it makes me anxious. My heart drops every time the phone rings. I neglect my homework profusely. You could call it extreme procrastination but I've been thinking I may have an actual fear of doing homework - as ridiculous as that sounds. Last school-holidays, my English teacher set a book for us to read over the break. I was excited because I LOVE reading. For some reason, I kept putting it off. Eventually, school was back and I had to tell my teacher I hadn't read it. I was so mad at myself. English is my favourite subject too. I'm so used to that look of disappointment that my teachers give me, yet it never hurts less.The most frustrating part of all this is that I know I'm not stupid. I love learning. I know that I have the ability to focus and do well in school, but my mind tells me otherwise. As i write this I am at home. I didn't go to school today - this happens a lot. There was a period of time where I didn't step a foot outside the house for over two weeks. My anxiety is really debilitating. It feels like everyone else is floating while I'm drowning - and no one notices.

I'm unsure of where I should go from here, does anyone have any advice?

Thank's.

[Zeal]

Hi Yuki,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm glad your Mum is able to support you. School can certainly be overwhelming when anxiety is involved. Are you in Year 12 this year? It's important that your teachers are aware of your mental health challenges. If you think you'll avoid telling them, perhaps your Mum could ring the school guidance counsellor or reception office.

I can relate to the constant anxiety and avoidance that surrounds work. This happened in Year 12 and affects me at university too. I told most of my teachers in Year 12. I got through, with some extra help here and there (you'd be surprised how many students need or ask for extra help) and support from my parents. My TER score wasn't high, but it was acceptable and allowed me entry into a uni course I wanted to try. Year 12 is only one step in life, and there are many ways to gain access to future courses.

Sorry for the divergence - I just wish I had those things in mind when I was 17. I am now 23, and I'm studying third year psychology at uni. About three weeks ago, I saw a new psychologist for the first time in several years. I find it easier to be kind and give guidance to others than to myself! I've had anxiety (OCD) since I was 13, so for 10 years now. When I get really anxious in the moment, I find just concentrating on the action of my breathing helps. I don't get fully-fledged panic attacks, however. When I got this panicky feeling during a uni exam last year, I just rested my forehead against my hands, closed my eyes and breathed deeply and evenly and just focused on that. I did this for about 5 minutes, and found that it got me over the panicky feeling. There was residual anxiety, but the immediate panic had evaporated.

Do you visit your doctor (GP) about your anxiety and panic attacks? It's important to have that diagnosis so you can receive help for the condition. It's worth making an appointment with your GP (your Mum could do this), and getting a referral to a psychologist. Your Mum can go with you. If there is a counsellor at your school, seeing them would be great.

If you want to hear stories and advice from other young people like yourself, you can look at other threads in the Young People section.

You are very welcome to reply 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Merm97]

Hi Yuki,

Much like SM I can relate to what you're describing. When I was in Year 12 I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and panic disorder. I went from being a straight A student studying for hours a day and loving school to not even being able to go to the area I studied without having an episode. I distanced myself from my friends as I didn't know what to tell them and I honestly didn't feel I was worthy of having them around. I felt as though my teachers didn't really know what was happening or how to address it. I lost all sense of self worth and had regular panic/anxiety attacks during school and work due to everyday events that provided triggers. I was physically unable to bring myself to do work that I know I could have done because my mind put up this wall that no matter how hard I tried to strain against I couldn't get through.

What helped me was asking for help and accepting the support around me. For me that was really hard as I wanted to be this strong, independent person and I thought by doing this I was being weak. Honestly though, it is the only thing that really started my healing. I really leant on my family who were absolutely incredible. I went to my GP who then got me onto an amazing psychologist which then got me talking about it and understanding what was happening. Once I started talking it through, all these thoughts that subconsciously circulated my mind came out and I was able to realise the effect they had on my health. They then helped me to work through this and once that healing started I felt comfortable to start telling people close to me, then friends, and slowly but surely I started to return to a place that I felt comfortable. My friends, once they understood what I was going through, have actually been so supportive and amazing in helping me get back to a place that I feel happy. I have also found meditation and visualisations have helped to calm myself, concentrating on breathing or visualising yourself in a place or situation that you are happy (like a memory).

It's a continuous process, but by accepting and seeking help I have been able to get to a place that I am happy in myself and getting back to a better version of who I used to be. The help is always there for you, so use it when you need it. I wish I had accepted the help offered to me earlier.

[Yuki-]

Hi SM, hi Merm97, (this is a reply to you both)

Thank you both so much for taking the time to reply! (and sorry for my delayed reply) I very much appreciate your advice and personal stories, your help really means a lot to me. So thank you again!!

It's only been a couple of months since my post above however, reading it back makes me realise how things have changed - both good and not so good. (and also realising how overly dramatic and cringey I sounded haha)I have since been seeing an excellent psychologist, and I feel as though my anxiety and panic disorders are finally being acknowledged and validated. When I was younger and newer to anxiety, I just assumed that these feelings and attacks were something that everyone experienced. As I got a bit older, I realised however that this was not the case. The severity of my anxiety continued to escalate until I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't go to school or even leave the house. I never answered my phone and whenever someone knocked on the front door I would literally hide under the nearest table. I felt constantly on edge.

I thinks it's also been hard for my dad and older sister to accept my disorder, especially because they still see me as 'the baby' of the family. I was the kind of kid who when I saw someone close to me cry I would cry as well even if I didn't know why they were crying. It made me incredibly sad to see people upset. Therefore, I never told anyone when I was feeling sad - I still find it hard to discuss to this day.

(sorry for rambling, I promise I'm going somewhere with this)

Thank's to my mum and psychologist, very soon I will be starting a program called Distance Education (DECV). which is essentially like regular school but done from home. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and a bright future ahead. I can finally get my education back on track and feel safe at the same time! I'm very excited!

I too wish I had accepted my anxiety earlier, but I won't dwell on that. I'm now learning new skills from my awesome psychologist to take on the world and to have the courage to exist!

I hope you are both well! and thank you x

[Zeal]

Hi Yuki,

Thank you so much for your grateful and informative reply! Your first post wasn't dramatic. You were struggling and desperately needed help. Posting on the forum was actually brave and wise.

It's great to hear that you're seeing a psychologist who is really helping you! I am also glad that your Dad and sister know about your anxiety. It's fantastic that you now feel as though your anxiety and other concerns are being acknowledged and properly taken care of. This Distance Education seems like an option that will suit you well, and I am glad both your Mum and psychologist are on board with it! You sound far more positive and hopeful now since your first post a few months ago - that's definitely progress 🙂

I am very well, thank you! My last semester of my university degree started today, so I've been trying to get organised! I love uni because the learning is more flexible than at school, and there are more options and pathways to take! I am very happy for you that you have found a way to forge ahead with your education.

Keep up the good work Yuki!

Best wishes,

SM