Dealing with emptiness and loneliness

[smitty651]

All my life I have never really felt like someone out their genuinely cares about my existence, it just like I am here and I have to deal with it and I am just an inconvience to people. Relationship wise I am totally scarred, every single time I get close to a woman, I am left hurt and in so much pain and in the past I was able to focus on other things and sorta of brush past it but now, I feel like my life is just crushing ontop of me and I am being squeezed to death.

I left school and had a plan which didn't go to plan at all, I spent over a year sitting around at home in my own version of hell. Covid sorta of nearly put the nail in the coffin with the chance of employment being snatched away. I am currently unemployed and got no drivers licence. It is hard because I want to fix these things but I just don't know how long I can hold on for, people all around my life are pressuring me to get all this stuff done and it hurts me to lie to them just so they can be somewhat satisfied. I have dreams, I want to be a father, walk a future daughter hopefully down the aisle at her wedding, this dream keeps fading darker and darker.

I am terrified of anyone of my family to find out what I am going through because I don't want to be looked at differently, I just wanted to be treated normally. The last girl I got close to I told her about my problem with depression and ultimately rejected me, I don't know if it changed anything by telling her but it is the story of my life, rejection after rejection.

People say that you will find someone that will care about you, but I have been waiting five years and nothing. People also say you shouldn't need to have someone to make you happy, you should be happy with yourself, but the thing is with me I have never had anyone like that. I have never had a girlfriend that says good morning and good night, a shoulder to lean on when I am upset, someone who I can enjoy life with. It is so frustrating, I look in the mirror and see a not bad looking dude, but whenever I see myself in a picture my first thought is wow what an ulgy person. My self confidence is nearly at a rock bottom, even tho I am nearly at the best shape in my life, it just confuses me. I am studying a course atm which is good atleast but it is online so I find myself stuck in the house most days. I spend most of my free time either watching sports or gaming because those are the only things that help me cope with all these emotions.

[Sophie_M]

Hey smitty651,

Welcome to our friendly forums, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know how tough it can be hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage to reach out. We're really sorry to hear that you're feeling so empty and lonely. It sounds like what was already a tough year has been especially more difficult due to this pandemic, and we can hear that you're feeling worried about the future. It sounds like you have a lot of offer people, and some wonderful goals and dreams that you want to achieve. We're sure that a lot of our community members will relate to these feelings and hopefully some of them will pop by soon to offer you words of support and advice.

We'd also really encourage you to reach out to our friends at Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under, and are available 24/7 on 1800 55 1800, and through online chat at: https://kidshelpline.com.au Please also know that our Support Service is available to you anytime by phone on 1300 22 4636 or through Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of the friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you, and can offer support, advice and referrals to help you through this difficult time.

If you feel up to it, you might also like to reach out to our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. This website is regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. There is also a dedicated support line, staffed by mental health professionals, which is available to you 24/7 on 1800 512 348.

Please feel free to reach out here on your thread and keep us updated on what you're feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it.

[therising]

Hi smitty651

I feel for you so very much as you face the challenges that have come to meet you in your life. I believe, while basic challenges are easy to make sense of and get through, it's the seriously tough ones that both test us and reform us. The seriously tough ones can also become depressing.

So, how to reform our self when we've got little idea of how exactly to go about it and little inspiration to boot? It helps to pay attention to the people around you when you're desperate for support. 'You need to get your license and get a job' are simply opinions when they don't come with a helpful management plan. You may even question those around you, 'How do I achieve these things, under the circumstances (COVID, depression etc)?' and maybe be met with 'I don't know'. Hmmm...yeah...good management plan (not). Do you find people are giving you advice but they're not really helping you manage in ways that can really make a significant difference? Are people typically dealing out the same old uninspiring poop? Do you ever wonder why they're uninspiring? Have you ever considered that the people around you, including ex girlfriends, aren't fully aware of how to raise others? When in a low, how do or did these people raise you from a low to a high? How did or do they raise you from uninspired to inspired? What about sameness to difference or confusion to revelation?

Smitty, I'm a self raiser. This stems from having left 15 or so years of depression behind me. Part of how I manage to stay out of a depression involves raising myself in a number of ways. Yes, this lock down in Melbourne seriously triggers me to find the best in myself (in new ways).

When you're sensitive, it's easy to sense what others can't at times. It's kind of like a super power in a way

• You can sense a lack of support and it can feel depressing
• You can sense a lack of excitement and it can feel soul destroying
• You can sense the carelessness of others and it can feel triggering, triggering many emotions and questions worth asking

Could go on but you get the gist.

So, when you're a sensitive person, with such abilities, others can appear to behave in a senseless manner. They may even say 'You need to toughen up!' Hmm, yes, thank you; I will become insensitive, that will work well. Oh, no it won't, I can tell you. I like to feel my way through a challenge, to sense where I'm at.

Would you say you're sensitive to a deep desire to reform but don't know exactly how to go about it?

🙂

[smitty651]

"Would you say you're sensitive to a deep desire to reform but don't know exactly how to go about it?"

Thankyou for bringing the word sensitive up, I did some research into traits of sensitive people and looking at the traits, after reading all the traits I can now see why my problems are so magnified and why I feel and see things differently compared to other people.

I do have a deep desire to reform, but I just don't know how to. I don't have a plan of what I do on the daily basis, it is just usually I decide on the day what I am doing.

[therising]

Hi smitty651

I can tell you, without a doubt, that it's almost like a full time job when it comes to working our natural self out, in one way or another. By the way, we're in there somewhere. What I mean by this is our natural self exists but while years of suppression may have pushed it down, our job is to work it up and out and present that self to the world. Some may sarcastically say 'Yeah, no worries; I'll do that tomorrow, flick a switch or something and magically present myself to the world'. Of course, working our self out is not some instantaneous thing. We will always be surprising our self in some way, facing some new challenge to grow through or finding a new level of understanding. In other words, we graduate through life, we do not understand our self and life all at once.

Consider yourself having just graduated to a new stage. Now that you're conscious of the fact you are sensitive, there are a lot of abilities that come with this sensitivity. Tuning into those abilities in a productive way is a significant challenge. Now, I could be off on some points here when I ask

• Are you sensitive to a serious need for excitement? Does it even agitate you not to be excited? Are there times where people who 'vibe low' bring you down?
• Are you sensitive to inspiration? Do you easily feel uplifted with deep inspiration? Not everyone recognises inspiration by the way, you have to be open minded. A sensitive person is typically open minded, so you gotta be careful when it comes to what you let in
• You've already expressed being sensitive to the desire for change. Not changing, with such a deep desire, can feel depressing because stagnation goes against your nature. In other words, it's in your nature to change
• A bit of a weird one but are you sensitive to your own energy? Whether you're chatting with a spiritualist or a quantum physicist, they'll both agree that we're energy in motion (this helps explain a lot about intense emotion). So, you'll feel a ramp up of energetic excitement with agitation, serious joy and healthy living and a slow down with a lack of energy input that comes with good food, hydration, physical activity/exercise, restorative sleep, soulful excitement/pure happiness and so on. Working out what's slowing things down is one of the ways to manage your self and others

Figuring out what or even who you're sensitive to is part of the challenge a sensitive person faces. Once you get the hang of it, life becomes pretty interesting indeed.

🙂