Controlling Tears

159357 · ‎05-12-2016

Hey, just looking for some ways to control my tears as i still 2/3 nights and tear up every day. Should i first aim to fix depression or should i just toughen up and concentrate on other stress.

SubduedBlues · ‎06-12-2016

My son is one of those people who wears his heart on his sleeve. It is not uncommon for him to tear-up when faced with emotionally difficult situations. For him it is sometimes embarrassing, particularly since he is actively serving in our military -- a society that views crying as a childish behaviour. I told him that he should pointedly ask anyone who gives him grief about his tears: "what? aren't you man enough to cry?" to which they all back down as often they are too immature or embarrassed to show any emotion.

Now for those of us who haven’t been through something traumatic or are anxious or depressed, the average Joe goes through his day accumulating little conflicts and resentments. Sometimes these gather up in the limbic system of the brain and in certain corners of the heart. Crying is cathartic. It lets the devils out before they wreak all kind of havoc with the nervous and cardiovascular systems.

So I say go ahead a cry... it's good for you.

SB

Just Sara · ‎07-12-2016

Hi ewrc;

There isn't really a lot of information to go on hun. Could you please elaborate some more on your situation? I don't know your age, family issues or gender either. It's so difficult to answer your questions when only two lines are provided ok?

In any case, if these crying sessions go on for a long time and you don't have any idea of the cause, your GP is the best place to start. Do you have friends or family you can talk with? BB counselling service on 1300224636 and Lifeline on 132224 can be great at all hrs of the day or night to get things out on the table.

I hope you stick with us; we're caring and compassionate people who are dedicated to assisting others to get on with their lives.

Warm thoughts...Sara (Hugs)

geoff · ‎07-12-2016

hi EWRC, the question you have asked isn't an easy one, because with tears comes sadness, grief and/or depression which can all be the same reason why you are crying.
Your stress and any chance of being able to toughen up can not even begin while you have depression, and vice-versa, your depression won't get any better while you can't cope and have all this stress, but maybe the stress and depression are both linked, that we're not sure of,so please get back to us.Geoff.

159357 · ‎09-12-2016

Thanks for all the replies, i haven't been able to access the internet for a few days, so sorry for leaving you hanging.

I normally cry whenever i'm confused or helpless. Which is what happens whenever my mind drifts off to old thoughts. I really can't control it. Just thinking now makes me feel sick and start tearing up, i hate the way things happened and that i have regrets. But i don't REALLY regret it because at the time, it was exactly what i wanted. After those happenings i've noticed that being such a pushover and not stepping in to change the outcome is a bad thing, i honestly feel that if i had a second chance things would be better.

I don't intend to ask for help with direct mental faults, just ways to control the tears, it's really bad when in a situation and i get a memory and it just hurts.

If i can hold back the crying i should be ok-ish, i hope.

SubduedBlues · ‎10-12-2016

"just ways to control the tears"...

Unfortunately, we cannot control what happens in our lives, but...
Fortunately, we can control how we react to the events that do occur.

Changing how we react takes time and practice. We need to retrain our minds to behave the way we want them to behave, and allow ourselves to react the way we want to react. But we will never change without penalties and rewards.

This doesn't work for everyone, but it does work for many people; but it does take commitment and discipline for it to work.

Determine your bad behaviour that you want to cease.
Decide the good behaviour you want to replace the bad ones with.
Write down these behaviours and put in your wallet for future reference.
Setup a new bank account that you will use solely for this exercise
EVERY time there is a situation that would normally cause you to do the bad behaviour, stop, exhale, inhale and then react. Stopping, exhaling and inhaling, before reacting, gives your brain sufficient time to determine how it wants act, versus how it normally reacts.
However, EVERY time that you do the bad behaviour, transfer $5 from your operating budget to the new account; this is the penalty for misbehaving. (most banks have a phone app -- so this is easy enough to do)
And whenever you do the good behaviour, with the $5 from the penalty account and treat yourself something for being good.

Over time, we learn what the antecedents are that trigger or proceed our bad behaviours. Being aware of these antecedents, we are better prepared to deal with the bad behaviours as they arise. At first whilst we are learning to acknowledge these antecedents and control our behaviour, the penalty account grows in value. But as our brains want the reward more than continuing to pay the penalty, particularly as we see the rewards grow, the brain will allow us to stop doing the bad behaviours so that it can receive the reward.

This takes self discipline in ensuring that we pay the penalties every time. If we ever allow ourselves to not pay, even once, then the penalty has no value and the exercise will not be able to cause the brain to change.

---

It is said: In order to realize a change, first I must change. So, what are you prepared to do, to realize a change within yourself?

SB

159357 · ‎10-12-2016

Using a reward system seems usable, but i think it's just best for me to find a way to deal with this.

Thanks for the help. /thread

Jess_164 · ‎13-12-2016

Hey Ewrc

I sometimes struggle with this myself.

I went through some pretty tough times with friends. Sometimes at school when I'm put in a group with nobody I know I just cry. I know it's stupid but I do. My anxiety kicks in and I feel like no one likes me.

I find its good to talk to someone. Sometimes just letting it out, even just to your self helps. Also deep breaths and trying not to blink to much will help fight the tears.

I hope you fight this. Remember you are strong.

pipsy · ‎13-12-2016

Hi ewrc. Am I right in assuming you are a kind person who tries to help others less fortunate than you. This being the case, you start believing yourself a 'pushover' for the everyday 'sob story' you hear, then regret 'falling' for it. Perhaps, also you cry when you can't solve the problems presented. Unfortunately no-one can solve all the problems presented. Psych's, Dr's, therapists, counselors, all anyone can do is listen and offer support, guidance and caring. Most professionals have the 'text' book knowledge, but till they've lived through problems presented, it's pure guesswork and hope. I feel you are being very hard on yourself and you need to perhaps back away and start caring for you. Some on these forums have experienced some of the problems we read, therefore we can offer hope. Some tend to 'wing' it and hope they're on the right track. No one person has all the answers, if they did these forums, and others like them would 'fold' because one person would be able to solve everything. Marriage problems, again, no one solution fits all. Be kind to yourself and use the rewards system for you. Have you ever heard of the 'prayer of tranquility'. I find that a tremendous support when I'm out of my depth.

Lynda