Confused- What's wrong with me?

[Jem_S]

Hi, sorry this is gonna be a long one.

About 18 months ago, I began experiencing intense daily panic attacks, and a whole range of physical symptoms (mainly centered around my brain). I was soon diagnosed with anxiety, hypochondria to be specific. I was unable to go to school, see my friends or even get out of bed as I was so obsessed with the idea and belief that I was dying. I felt like I was dying, I went to the doctors 3 times a week, only to be tested and have negative results returned. However the next week I was back with a new "illness". This has since been handled to some degree, and doesn't interfere so much (however I still experience intense physical symptoms such as dizziness and a "brain itch", and I get the thoughts from time to time).

I also am a naturally introverted person, have always been incredibly shy and lack any self esteem whatsoever. I have also been told I have social anxiety.

I' m absolutely terrified by life and it overwhelms me to a degree that I cannot comprehend or explain in words. I often wish I was never born as the thought of myself or my loved ones dying scares me so much that I simply don't want to go through it, and don't think I can. I have contemplated suicide, however am always stopped by my extreme fear. I had trouble sleeping so I haven't slept out of the house since it all began. I can't fly in planes, I did go on holiday at the start of the year and the anxiety was so intense that I was unable to leave the bed and developed a dizziness which has stayed with me ever since.

I've been to 4 psychologists, a doctor and a psychiatrist. Overall have been diagnosed with mild depression,

severe anxiety (generalized, social and health). I also have fears about aliens, global warming, natural disasters and other things I can't control that drive me insane.

The thing is, nowadays I rarely feel anxious, or 'nervous'. I don't know if I'm just used to it or if there's something else going on here. I cry some days, I'm happy the next. Some days I'm dizzy all day, other days I'm really angry and cannot tolerate anything. My fuse is very short. I'm extremely sensitive and get upset over minor things. I feel damaged beyond repair and my last psychologist has run out of ideas. I am just so confused. I don't know whats wrong with me, I'm a mixing pot of emotions and feel like I have some yet to be discovered mental illness.

I haven't even covered half of it, but does anyone have any advice? I don't know whats wrong with me

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[Natarsha]

Hi Jem S,

I have been with my husband for 22 years and married for 20. Only the last few years or so we worked out he has Aspergers when we thought it was some sort of social anxiety or something. Anyway, the reason I am replying is that I noticed you said you were diagnosed with hypochondria and have been experiencing dizziness.

My husband's health has never been good and I use to think he was a hypochondriac in that he kept telling he about all these symptoms and pain in all different parts of his body and I thought he was just doing it for attention. His mother is exactly the same. In October 2012, my husband starting having problems with his heart then was fainting for brief spells and coming to all confused. They refer to these faints as syncope or sometimes pre-syncope which is almost a faint. Anyway, after many doctors and tests they diagnosed Neurocardiogenic Syncope, which is a type of Autonomic Dysfunction. Other terms for it includes POTS, orthostatic intolerance (Greg the yellow wiggle had this) or broadly as Dysautonomia. The messages from the brain stem to the heart or blood vessels are malfunctioning such as telling the heart to beat really slow after vigorous exercise or palpitate or causing the blood vessels to dilate rather than constrict and therefore having blood rush away from the brain. Their advice was to reduce stress and determine your other triggers and make lifestyle changes. Since he was also having intense migraines after each syncope or pre-syncope we went to see a Neurologist and we tried anti-convulsants. Anyway, even though they gave a diagnosis I quickly realised that it was really a symptom of something else, but what. You would think that seeing so many different doctors GPs and specialists they might have some more ideas but it took my knowledge of my husbands health to put the pieces together and come up with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome which is a genetic condition that affects connective tissue and causes multi-system malfunctions throughout the body. This was then quickly confirmed with one visit to a clinical geneticist. It is one of the most under-diagnosed conditions around. Anyway, the point I want to make is that don't accept a diagnosis of hypochondria, be your own health advocate and use the internet because doctors are no longer the gate keepers of medical knowledge.