Completely alone and shut off from people

Amiii · ‎15-08-2017

Hi, so i've never done anything like this before and if you can tell from the title i'm not much of a talker. I constantly feel like I need to hide myself and shut my emotions off from everyone. I stress a lot and have had problems with anxiety when I was at a very young age. However they have seemed to come back as I am now finishing high school and have noticed that I am often sad all the time. I don't really have a close family in the way in which we actually talk to each other about feelings or whats going on, or at least that is how I feel about it. I Know I have tried opening up a bit to my mother but it has never ended well and I think that is why I have such a hard time trusting anyone with knowing how I feel. I have always had a hard time talking to people in general and avoid uncomfortable topics, but i do want to improve myself. I am getting sick of feeling alone and sometimes feeling fake around everyone. last week I had come home and just sat on the floor and cried by myself. when I heard my mum come home, I just pretended I was doing homework and that nothing was wrong at all. I know part of the problem might be me, but talking to anyone just isn't an option, not even my school councillor for reasons I wont go into. I understand that everyone has there own lives, and issues to deal with and thats just the way it is. As cynical as it sounds, I feel like no-one just has any time for me or anyone else. I go for walks and runs a lot which seems to help but I guess what i'm really asking is if there is anything else that I can do? or do i just need to wait everything out?

MsPurple · ‎16-08-2017

HI Amiii. First of all welcome to the BB forums :). We are a peer based forum and most of us are not professionals so just keep that in mind

Thank you for sharing your story. YOu are not alone in how you feel. It sounds like you maybe struggling with your mental health. It sounds like you may some aspects of anxiety. It is common to feel agitated and struggling to hang out with people. When I'm depressed and anxious I struggle to converse with people , struggle to look into peoples eyes, struggle to concentrate and I just feel a bit low. When I'm like that I just wanna stay in bed all day and wait for it to be over. But I could be waiting there for a while. That is why I got help and I am so glad I did.

One thing you can do to help yourself is to go see your GP and discuss it with them. You'll need to book a long appointment. They can go over your feelings and complete a mental health care plan with you. If eligable they can refer you to a psychologist. You get 6-10 subsidized/free sessions. Psychologists can help you deal with your issues and help you manage it. FOr me (as I have GAD) they worked on how to deal with my anxiety and how to reduce it's severity

If you think seeing your GP is not for you there is are mental health services around. You can google your local centre. There is a national youth mental health service called headspace. They work with a wide range of youth mental health issues. It maybe something to consider

Hope some of this helps. Feel free to ask me anything you like. I completely get it. I struggled when I was 18. I ignored it and got worse and worse till I was 23 and finally got help. I wish I had done it earlier as I struggled alone and could have gotten well sooner

MP

Amiii · ‎16-08-2017

Thanks MsPurple for replying, I will think about some of the things you mentioned but I also wanted to say that I can completely relate to what you said about not having eye contact when talking to people, I often struggle to look them in the face when i'm talking or might be feeling uncomfortable. As well as the concentration, I always start wondering off in my head when i'm trying to work. Im worried this will be more of an issue as I have more upcoming assessments. Did you do anything to block things out and help focus?

Fallenangel2401 · ‎12-09-2017

MsPurple is totally right in saying your not alone with these feeling. I've found it hard to communicate my feelings to anyone since the age of 13. It wasn't till the age of 16 when people started noticing something different about me. I just kept everything bottled up and was pushing everyone away. I made up imaginary friends saying I was going for sleep overs but would just stay on the streets by myself for the night.