Can this just be over now?

[Lauren987]

I have had the worst day. I would like nothing more then to curl up in a ball and stay there. I tried to get through it and push on but the setbacks are endless, I feel as though everyone and everything work together to  make my life harder then it needs to be and no matter what I do I can't find a way to make myself happy. I know this is a completely irrational feeling but I just can't help it. Sometimes I think I push myself to find happiness in things that mean nothing as a way of coping however it's effectiveness is starting to fade. I am riddled with thoughts, memories, ideas and I just feel like I'm going to burst. What if i want to be happy so badly that the happiness I do feel is simply just not there, it is what i have pushed onto myself? I feel like I am going insane and there is nobody to help, I just feel so invisible. My emotions are all over the place and I can't find a way to piece together what is reality and what am I overthinking.

 On a slightly different note, I was considering seeing my GP to discuss my mental health but I am petrified my parents will find out and it will cause so many problems. I don't want to feel different or be treated differently but I need help, I'm not okay anymore... Any Ideas?

[IAMTHAT_IAM]

Hi Lauren987

Thats why they call it a dark cloud, its a terrible feeling I know! Firstly your GP can get you a mental health plan with someone who can help you with different things and even talking with them helps. 

Personally speaking I know where you are coming from and after I have tried many different strategies for myself I can enjoy and be happy again but there is no one size fits all thing here its what works for you. As an example  I personally listen to music and go for a walk each morning and have some exercises for my mind to stop racing into different thoughts, when I miss a day I tend to start feeling down and then realise its because I didn't have my head space time! My thoughts would get the better of me too and I needed to understand and control why these thoughts would have such an affect on me. I studied online some techniques related to the law of attraction and found a technique where I would not think about anything negative or that I didn't want to happen and would simply swipe right like on your phone as soon as it came into my head and then replaced that thought with ones I enjoyed or wanted to happen. Ultimately I was increasing my mood and after a week I had taken control and simple dismissed any negative thoughts immediately and would do so as if they were sin and sin to think of it, my mood improved and I made a list of positive and negative like: Positive - Love - Compassion - etc and negative Fear doubt anxiety and when I felt my mood slipping to negative I would listen to music or do something I liked to change it! This helped me become happy again but the whole process of this took some time to work out what worked for me.

I totally understand what you are saying with your emotions and reality and overthinking, most people on here can relate to that and will offer support. You have taken the first step to getting better let me know how you go?

Talk soon Aaron

[geoff]

dear Lauren, this is such an important post to everyone, especially when you maybe a young adolescent living at home with your parents, however this I'm not sure of, but if your parents have a strong influence on what you do or who you see, then it's something for you to worry about.

Being in depression really doesn't make you feel irrational, all it does is to make you confused, and your all your ideologies are mixed up, but this is only caused by this illness and not how you actually feel, I hope that you understand what I'm trying to say, OK, it pushes us into being another Lauren, one which we may not have encountered before, so it feels like another life, far from what you normally have, such as having fun with your g/friends, talking about all those guys you like, now all of this has disappeared and swallowed up by this second Lauren and that's why you feel as though you feel invisible.

Invisible means that no one understands what we are trying to tell them, or what we have to struggle with, they simply don't know or accept what this second Lauren.

You are not insane at all, because I don't consider myself as being insane after all those years of depression, it just means that you need help, no different than a student needing help with his/her maths or chemistry with extra studies, it's exactly the same.

Are you compelled to tell your parents if you see a doctor and do they have to know straight away, well depends on whether your parents will accept this, but either way you can't struggle by yourself, because you can't overcome this feeling by yourself, it's virtually impossible, even though you maybe able to face the superficial problems, but it's not these that need professional, because it's those deep underlying problems that need help with.

I could keep going on to help you but my characters are running out, but please I really hope that you can get back to us. Geoff. x

[Lauren987]

Hey,

 I often hear people talk about there solutions to bad feeling but until now I have never felt motivated enough to challenge my own. I will try my best and thank you for your support, it does mean a lot to me! Your post has made my life a little less lonely, talk soon 🙂

[Lauren987]

Hi Geoff,

I have contemplated telling my Mum thousands of times however she has got some health issues of her own and I am not sure if she is mentally stable enough to handle this. I don't want to be sick anymore, because nobody around me understands and I feel so secluded. I completely understand what you mean when you describe a second personality, but no matter how hard I try I can't make anyone understand. I struggle to focus in school, and find that the smallest o things can send me tumbling in a downwards spiral. Life just seems to be pointless at this stage and I'm not quite sure how to overcome it... Thanks for your advice and compassion, it helps more then you will know.

[Kazzl]

Hi Lauren

Welcome to the forum. I think you're great to reach out here for support, and you will certainly get it. Well done.

Talking to your doctor is a good idea. From what I understand, from the age of 16 you are entitled to see a doctor on your own and for your records to be confidential. If I'm wrong on that I hope someone at BB will correct me.

I'm wondering though why you're scared your parents will find out and why it would cause so much trouble. Do you want to tell us a bit more about that? 

Take heart hun, the thoughts and feelings you describe are very common, especially amongst young people, and help is available. Depression isn't always a long-term or life-long thing either, but it's easier to manage if you recognise it early, as you have, and get some help.

Keep posting and let us know how you're getting on. And if you decide you do want to talk with your parents, there's a few of us around with teenage and young adult children who might be able to give some thoughts to help. Maybe other young people in this section could share how they approached their parents about it.

Take care Lauren and know that there are people here who understand and care.

Kaz