Can't Stop Working

[AnxiousS]

Hi Everyone,

Does anyone have any tips on just slowing down without feeling anxious and guilty about it?

This might not make much sense, so let me explain. I am about to finish uni for the year (thank god!) and have nearly 4 months off. I'm exhausted and ready for a break, but I just can't seem to resist work.

I already have my work schedule planned out for a lot of the 4 months (some of it is doing some special events and stuff that I love but that is all planned months in advance). My problem is that I have another part time job (which I don't love but hey money is money at this age) that I just cant resist slotting in at every other available slot to fill my time. I could be working more than 40 hours that week already at another job but I can't resist filling in any extra time with this part time job because I feel like I'm wasting time otherwise.

I was talking to some friends who are planning to go away over the break, and it made me sad that I wasn't going to get to chill out on the beach for 2 months like them because it sounds so nice, but at the same time I just can't bring myself to leave work even for 5 days (which is the longest continuous time I haven't planned work for in the 4 months).

I'm aware this probably sounds like a ridiculous problem to have, but I know realistically that I need time off before I go back to uni next year or I'm going to burn out.

Wondering if anyone has advice on how I can justify taking time off to myself, and feel less anxious about all the time I'm "wasting" if I go away?

Sarah 🙂

[Croix]

Dear Sarah~

I've read some of your other posts, firstly of the transition from school to uni, and that while you have passes you have found it a struggle, with large class sizes and not quite getting the results you have been used to in the past.

I've also read about the worries you have for your sister who, from what you said, has simply not tried, will or has done badly and you can see the consequences. Not just a matter of parents finding out but also severe limitations on future job applications, employment and finances.

I guess you are one of those persons that can see the consequences of one's actions. Not everyone does. It is obviously a very useful and sensible ability, but it can come at a price.

I suppose you have to ask yourself why you are so determined to work so much. Is it money, do you have a specific thing - like a car as an example - that you want to buy? Is it love of the job, some people can't wait to get to work, they are fascinated and fulfilled, is it that? Others cherish the companionship and camaraderie.

There are other reasons. Fear of failure in hte long term, being the grasshopper with the ant, wasting life and opportunities. Maybe that is it? Being at home sor some is horrible, and work is a refuge.

I suggest you ask yourself why you are so driven.

There has to be a balance in life. The world is bigger than uni and casual work. They are indeed necessary, but other things are too. Relationships, appreciating life, gaining a rounded view of the world. Making deposits in the bank account of experience and wisdom.

It can be easy for fear of the future to become so all-pervasive one can spend all one's time trying to prevent disaster.

Would you like to say what you think of these suggestions?

Croix

[AnxiousS]

Hi Croix,

Thanks for responding! It's nice that you remembered my other posts too 🙂

I don't really think it's about the money to me - I have a car that I don't want to change in the near future, I have no real bills or responsibilities (other than personal subscriptions and my car), and I don't have any desire to buy expensive things or really any more than I already have. The extra money just kind of sits there and accumulates and I don't really know what to do with it. I really enjoy two of my jobs, but the one that is not already planned out and that I would take time off from is certainly not something I'm excited to go to.

I think what you said about being afraid of failure and wasting opportunities definitely applies to me though. I see the value from afar of a day at home, doing not much and maybe catching up on some TV and rejuvenating, but I always feel too bad about all the other productive things that I could be doing, or how maybe one day in the future I'll regret not being at work those extra hours instead of sitting around to even enjoy relaxing.

I really like what you said about the bank account of experience and wisdom. I hadn't heard that before and I think it's a really good way of looking at it. Maybe looking a little bit less at the future and more at what's going on right now is something I could improve on.

Thanks for your help!

[Quercus]

Hi Sarah,

Croix has said it all really... Especially the bit about fearing the future.

Your post reminds me of my husband. He is only comfortable 'wasting time' if every chore/duty/job/responsibility is completed first.

The downside... His stress levels are through the roof. I'm starting to question whether he knows HOW to stop.

You said it yourself... Continue and you'll burn out.

I like Croix's idea of working out why you feel so driven. What stops you from enjoying time out?

Have you had any success with "rostering" time for fun? I find with my other half if I give him prior warning he will organise what he needs to do and put time aside for family.

It can help to ask a trustworthy friend for their help. Someone who you know will call you out if you appear.

Nat