Can anyone young give me a hand?

[CrashCoyote]

Hi everyone,

My name is John and I am a fifty year old guy with five kids. I had a career once (Police Sergeant) and suffer P.T.S.D. and depression and like to drink a little too much. I have not given up on life and fight every day to be a better person. One of the things that helps me stay in the fight is posting on here, mainly because I can be anonymous and there is no judgement on this site, just acceptance. I guess I also like to think that my hard earned experience can benefit some people here so I like to help if I can.

There are others on here that have their own life experiences and who also try to provide support for those that need it.

My reason for this post is that I think my well intentioned posts sometimes lack one thing when it comes to young people, and that is relevance. Experience is something earned over time and as we earn it we get older and fall out of touch with youth. The world of today is so much more difficult for young people and people my age cannot hope to really know what youth of today are faced with.

Those of you that are young may feel you have nothing to contribute to others here, even though you may like to, because you are young. Nothing could be further from the truth. You actually know what your peers are facing today because you face it yourselves.

I am asking if some of you get the chance, and would like to, would you please post to other young people? If you are able to do that once in a while, it will mean that other young people on here are getting advice that may make more sense than that of a person old enough to be their dad!

If you can help, please don't under estimate the value of your contribution. I hope to hear from any of you that want to take part.

Kind regards, John.

[Liam007]

Hi John, your post got me thinking.

I feel I know exactly what you're talking about.

Im only 17 and I've felt I'm worthless and selfish, I never done any favors for anyone else because I've never had the the chance.

I've posted to other young people, The most I can do for others is just say "Yeah I feel the same way, I certainly empathize with how you are feeling". and When I Do try to other advice, I feel like I have no right as I'm giving advice that I myself am finding trouble taking.

Should I still keep trying to write to others, I don't feel like I can offer "the magic solution" but I can empathize? Is that still okay

Thanks, Liam

[JessF]

Hello Liam, there is no such as a magic solution, but you have hit the nail on the head, empathising is so important. We just want to know that someone is listening, you don't have to feel like you're solving someone's problem, because that is not possible.  We're not doctors or counsellors.  But we do have the experience of understanding what each other is going through, and I have to admit I do feel like an old nana replying to younger people.

It's interesting that you say you feel that you will give advice that you don't take yourself - don't you think that's an intersrting piece of self reflection? I've often had it said to me in counselling sessions when I've been being hard on myself, "if another person had just told this story, what would you say to them?"

By challenging ourselves and realising that we are not taking the advice that we of course would give to others because we know it's the right thing to do, it's a push to make us take those steps toward getting better at coping, rather than remaining stuck.

[Liam007]

Hi I probably made a mistake with that post,

I'm not saying that wouldn't take the advice but rather I have trouble making it work. So think of it like this, I have trouble with trying to think positively about myself and then I say to someone else "Just think of your positive qualities" . I hope that makes more sense

Liam

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Liam C,

Thank you for your reply and your posts do have what I cannot hope to give, understanding for the issues facing young people in the society of today. Of course I am not so brain addled that I have forgotten my own youth but comparing not just the issues faced by youth back in the day but also the norms of society back then is like comparing motor racing back then and now. So much has changed.

JessF is spot on that empathy is the key.

The point that we often give permission for others to feel or do things we will not give permission to ourselves to do or feel shows the difference objectivity can make.

If you are up to it, keep posting to your peers and others. It is often very helpful for older people like me to hear your perspectives, I get the benefit of your experience!

Also, you may notice that this site lends itself to people choosing whether or not to take anything from the posts of others. If you post something that is seen by another as prying or interfering, they can choose to ignore it. But if it speaks to them, they can take it away. If you don't post, they don't get that chance.

Kind regards, John.

[white knight]

Hi Liam

From what I've read from your posts, you have the kindness and insight to offer support to young people posting here.

Regards Tony WK

[turtl3]

G'day John.

Good to hear you havnt given up on life. Having read you were a sergeant, im not surprised you suffer from PTSD. I'm not sure if you had and training in the suicide prevention area, but i was once told (by a close family friend in the force) you never tell someone that 'things aren't as bad as they seem' - purely because if a person is willing to take their own life, then things are DEFINITELY as bad as they seem...you must reassure them that 'things can, and will get better' :).

Theres no harm in having 2 STANDARD drinks- 'on any given night' according to medical experts, but at the ripe old age of 24, i have personally witnessed people 'smoke like a chimney and drink like a fish' only to outlive gym junkies and fitness freaks, and while it may be a very unfair fact of life, it does happen.

I myself, struggle with the turps, i find what helps it to set myself a challenge! What man doesn't like a good CHALLENGE! my challenge is to not drink on school nights (aka - week nights), UNLESS its a special event, eg. immediate family birthdays. Apart from that, i only drink Fri night up til Sun Arvo (not continuously of course).

I find it keeps me clear minded for work and helps me unwind on weekends (with a lesser intake needed) due to the body not becoming tolerant to alcohol... that being said, i will still take responsibilities such as babysitting and chores into account when 'unwinding'.

I personally don't think that your posts lack relevance. I pose the question - 'Why do grand parents, and grand children, have so much in common?' - 'They both hate the same people!' ( being the grand parents children, and grand children's parents) I find it very easy to connect with the elders in society and i find them a lot more pleasant to deal with than the TYPICAL youth of today (im well aware im only 24).

Everyone has a different story to share and everyone else will relate differently and be able to give different advice. theres no magic fix for anyones issues...

Sometimes people need empathy - a shoulder to cry on - so if you can give, then give.

Remember - Things CAN, and WILL get better!

[CrashCoyote]

Hi turtl3,

Thank you for your post and message of support. I am doing okay.

Unfortunately for the community, police get very little training in managing situations like suicidal or homicidal individuals, or the mentally ill, or even providing first aid for major trauma. (I have beaten the ambo's to more stabbings, shootings and serious collisions than I can remember.) It means that police as individuals manage those situations with varying levels of skill and, obviously, not always to an adequate (much less appropriate) level. The saying that, "When all you have is a hammer, you see every problem as a nail." is, I think, a fair criticism of the level of police training in these areas. More tools in the tool box would not go astray.

Yes, the demon drink. Your message is spot on and it is good for you to recognise this so young. Young men (yours truly included) think their bodies can withstand terrible physical abuse forever but it does catch up with us all. I remind myself that, at its heart, alcohol is a toxin. Translation = Poison. All things in moderation, except moderation!

Your strategy of laying off booze, generally, through the week is very sound. If I'd put every dollar I'd spent on booze just on weekdays into a bank account for my kids, they all have the makings of a very good deposit by now. Seriously! It adds up, financially and otherwise.

I notice your first post was in response to mine and if it is at all possible, I would still urge you to consider looking at the posts in "young people". Of course us older folk will still keep an ear trumpet up to hear if anyone might benefit from our advice, but I stand by my belief that other young people have the ability to make real and valuable contributions to their peers.

Thanks again for your kind words.

Regards, John.