Being in a relationship with a liar..

[Haunted56]

What do you do when you're in a relationship with a compulaive liar? I'm so devasted right now..me and my bf (I think we are still together coz we havent talk since it happened yesterday) have been together for 2 years now and he has lied to me the 2/3 of it. I loved him so much back then that I ignored my instincts whixh were right at the time. I broke up with him last October but somehow he managedto persuade me to give him more chances. We have talked about it so many times that he lied to me and he admitted it. I even caught him red handed a few times but he always just said sorry and promised wont do it next time. I let him does whatever he wants just in return let me know what is it. He lied to me he went to run errands but instead going to club. I love him so much but he caused all the insecurities in me. I trusted him again when I took him back and now he lied to me again. I have my assignment due today and I cannot think straight to study. Its killing me inside...

[geoff]

hello Haunted, I'm sorry but you are in a situation that whatever you decide to do, it's going to affect completing your assignment, but this a decision you have to make, and from what you have told us, I don't think you can ever trust a compulsive liar, especially after you have been together for only 2 years, if it's happening now I can assure you that it will be much more difficult as time goes by.
Lets say you are married to him in 5 years time and have 3 kids, could you ever believe what he has been doing behind your back and the lies he has been telling.
Can I say to you that you are doing the wrong thing by having him as a partner, you may love him, but you can't trust him in what he says, and trust is what a r/ship/marriage primarily needs.
Love can be found else where, with someone who actually loves you, as you do with them, that love is much more important with a solid belief in each other.
I'm sorry but you should look else where, and please don't be conned into him saying that 'it will OK', because it definitely won't be, he will always go back to his devious ways.
Please don't, his 'love' is only because he wants something, that's why I have quoted and unquoted the word love. Geoff.

[Croix]

Dear Haunted~

I'm sorry things are so bad you had to come here - even though it is a pretty good move. I'm even more sorry that I can't find good news to give you.

I would think you would agree that a long lasting stable relationship is made up of two people that love each other, trust each other and support each other. I don't know of any other way and I'm afraid you have not found it.

You may well love him, but his priority is not looking after you, it is protecting himself and it is going to stay that way. I know you have told him he can do what he wants but just tell you, and if this was a logical thing it might work, but it is not.

The need to make up things is simply too deeply ingrained and not subject to logic. For many, though I don't know the facts here, lying comes about though anxiety when young. Whatever the reason it goes deep and this behavior is very hard to change, not something that normally the person involved can do without long-term specialist help.

Something else to think about is this. People that habitually lie can get to be very good at it, they can be very convincing, and become adept at 'pushing people's buttons'. It really does not matter what promises your BF makes, or how much you want to believe them, the problem will just keep going on.

Geoff has given you excellent advice, sadly his thoughts are spot on.

Please feel free to post back and talk more. -and also try for an extension on that assignment if you can. Many educational institutions have a student welfare section.

Croix

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Haunted,

I think it's time you stop ignoring your instincts. You know that this person is a liar and that they have deceived you multiple times. Think about all the qualities you want and deserve in a relationship whether that's respect, kindness, compassion etc. I'm sure he doesn't match up to what you want and even though I don't know you, I think you deserve better. I personally think you should break up with him once and all, because "love" is not worth the pain he is causing you, and there is better and bigger and more beautiful love out there for you, I promise.

J.

[Gisele]

A similar thing happened to me. I was dating this guy and he was the sweetest guy ever. A year later he I had found out he was dating as well. But I forgave him and for back together but 3 months later, guess what?! He was dating three girls at the same time. I found this out a week ago. Now I am still so in love with him that I want to go back. But sometimes you have go with your head instead of heart. I know it is really but you can't let a guy get in the way of your education.