Being/feeling ugly seems to be the source of all my problems

[Maddo]

It's easier said than done to say "just don't let it bother you". That seems to be the top piece of advice on the "I'm ugly" topic, and it's demeaning and hardly motivational. Because it does bother me, all the time. And I can't just switch that off.

I'm losing confidence, because I think I'm ugly. I haven't had my first kiss, because I don't think anyone would want to. I'm too scared of moving schools because I don't think people will want to be my friend. I hang around people who like me even if I don't like them, because what if I never have anyone else like me. I don't open up to people, because I think they'll say to themselves "well, what can she expect".

And the thing is, it doesn't matter what the 'truth' is. Because I know what my truth is and it's my truth that's holding me back. I think I'm ugly and you can tell me I'm beautiful but I won't believe it. And that's my problem. I'm so firm in my views and I don't know what to do. There's so much that I want to do, but I just don't have the confidence to do it

[Maddo]

Hey,

I know this forum has been long inactive, but the other day I googled something along these lines and my post came up as the first suggestion. There’s something strange about that; searching for a consolation and being served only your own dilemma and past advice.

I think honestly though, this was better than reading anyone else’s problem, because it not only showed me how far I’d come but how - regardless of progression - my problem still persists (even if only at times).

I feel that for the sake of encouragement, it’s worth me saying that each problem I prioritised when i first posted this 8 months ago has since been resolved, and yet there I was the other day searching the same old “I feel ugly”. Just now I’ve gone back to see this post has had 33,295 views which - especially in comparison to other forums - makes me sense I’m somewhat in a majority.

I feel like a characteristic of any person searching for this, reading this, relating to this, is not someone who feels as though they are in the majority; for it is often that very feeling of difference that we locate and define as: ‘being ugly’, or ‘feeling ugly’.
And regardless of this physical ‘attribute’ we may feel that we undeniably hold, it’s the emotional effect of this that we endure the most discomfort with. It’s the way it effects our lives, stops us from doing what we want, and is perceivably “the source of all our problems”.

And while I am still occasionally subject to this feeling, it is important to note that (even in such a short stretch of time) I am a much happier person now than I was then. And I can say for sure that the thing which has changed has not been my looks, but instead the extent to which I let them effect me. I feel better about the person I am because I took a few of those risks I was too scared to take and, as anyone else would probably suspect, it didn’t work out as badly as I’d envisioned.

Life goes up and down, and I’m definitely writing this on an ‘up’ - but I want anyone reading this to know that every word I’ve written on this forum has been wholly true in the moment I’ve written it, yet time has caused my posts to contradict themselves and in that same nature, your thoughts and priorities in this moment are fluid and nonpermanent, and it’s very important to recognise that. 🙂

[demonblaster]

Good to hear from you Maddo

What a lovely up beat positive post.

Thank you for getting back and updating.

Good on you. Mindsets a powerful thing isnt it.

Tc

[MD_123]

I'm glad I found your post.

I have been suffering with the same thing. I have good and bad days. The part about it all that annoys me most is that I care so little about other peoples' appearance and feel so superficial that I focus so much on my own. It really consumes my thoughts and can get me down like nothing else. I am a perfectionist so when I feel like my looks aren't perfect, it throws everything else out of whack. I feel really low at the moment and so hideous.

Hope this will pass and that I don't focus so much on this type of thing in the future.

Would love to hear any other tips on how to stop focusing so much on my looks!

Thanks for your post!

[demonblaster]

Hi there Maddo hope you're still going from strength to strength. Not that there's many positives being low but it sure is good when we start lifting again. I think too from depression we can gain strength.

Best to you ☺

Hi MD-123 just realized that rhymes.

Welcome to this amazing caring bb family

I too feel as you, I don't really take much notice of others appearance unless they look lovely and say so.

Glad you don't care about others appearance because recently on the net I stumbled onto I think it was a self esteem thingy and one way of feeling better about ourselves was exactly that, to try not to be critical of others appearance which I think makes a lot of sense. It'd keep us in a negative mindset

If you'd be interested in a search here for DR KIM if I remember it was pg 16, there's a good self esteem video. Pillars of ?

I'm learning to look inside and find things I like about myself and hymmm slowly trying to improve on bits I don't.

Because this thread has quietened down if you're interested in starting a thread of your own I suggest in welcome and orientation section you could get more support and let us know the name and when my heads in good space I'd be happy to come and visit you especially if you have 🍰. That's one of the things I'm slowly getting back to.

Thanks for posting.

Hope your days good ☺