been a domestic violence victim since I could remember

[RuneCat17464]

been a domestic violence victim since I could remember- actually my only childhood (as in 2 yo as I'm technically not that old) memory, possibly gay and not a lot of people have been okay with it ,including me because ...well...a lot of people aren't ok with it, feel like no one cares and have no friends and that no one likes me cuz I'm a sad weirdo. Everything I used to do just feels like a chore now and I feel like I suck at all of that (music- yeah i'm a music nerd. Not really because I am trash at it) : my school dragged me to go to the counsellor because i was "crying in class" and I pretended I was fine which worked and then eventually I went to a psychologist for a few months and it felt like trying to have a deep conversation with Siri and I stopped that. And i feel sad all the time and have so for like a year and a half now. Domestic abuse in family a couple of days ago and I called the police and then ran to a friends house and hid there and felt stupid for even going there and my "family" probs wont ever forgive me and I dont know what to do anymore I'm done with all this I swear I've done everything and tried I just...yeah...don't know what to do anymore so yeah

[BballJ]

Hi RuneCat17464,

Sorry to read what you are going through. Everything you have said is so tough and to actually talk about it is another thing so well done for being able to write it down and get your feelings out. Did you feel any better to actually write it out at all? Some people on here say just doing that helps them a little bit?

I understand you have tried to see a psychologist before but it doesn't sound like you clicked with them. One thing I do encourage people on here to do is try to find a psychologist you click with, it isn't easy at all but organise to possibly see another one if you can and see if you click with them. You will know when it clicks because you will feel like you want to talk about everything. If it feels forced and you hide information then you haven't clicked with the psychologist because the best way for them to help you is to be as open as possible. I know it is tough but please do try to see another one because they can help a lot.

Please also remember you can call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/7 to discuss any feelings you have or are going through, they are trained professionals who only want to help so please remember you can call that number whenever you want.

Post here as much as you like as well, we will always try to respond when we can.

My best for you,

Jay

[gld]

Hi RuneCat17464,

You have got a lot of things going on at the moment that is concerning you at present. The most important thing when violence is involved is remove yourself and keep safe, which you did by going to a friends house. Don't beat yourself up for calling the police as that is what they are paid for, to calm situations down.

I feel it must be troubling for you that you are not feeling comfortable with who you are but you are you and you have to be true to yourself.

Our community cares as well as myself and we are always here for you to come gain support. Don't forget about Beyondblue have a call line 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 and you can chat online 7 days a week from 3pm to 12am if you need some urgent support.

Meeting people who have the same interests makes it easier to make friendships. I have had success meeting people this way and also by striking up conversations with others about things i enjoy doing. For example i used to ride a 600 honda hornet and i joined a riding club which i went on a lot of awesome rides with others who enjoyed what i did. I am going for a coffee with a good friend who i struck up a conversation about bikes at work one day and we have been friend ever since.

Be gentle on yourself and keep yourself safe.

Gen [Hugs]

[gld]

Hi RuneCat17464,

How are things going for you at present?

You mentioned you went to a psychologist, "and it felt like trying to have a deep conversation with Siri", do you think you couldn't feel a connection with them or you were doing all the sharing without any feedback. Beyondblue has a section called find a professional under get support where you may be able to find someone you feel a better connection with. There is nothing wrong with shopping around for someone who you feel is giving the support you desire.

Keep safe and look after yourself,

Gen [Hugs]