Bad friends

[Gothamfan]

I haven’t been on these forums in a really long time but since I have it’s gotten slightly better and then just completely worse. I have had friendship problems for a long time with a particular group and a specific person, recently I was ‘kicked out’ by this group with another friend and the build up to it was awful. it really worsened my already awful mental state and put me in a dark place, they were never good friends but they were fun to hang around and I miss having a big friend group, I really want to make friends out side of school but I have no idea how, I just want to find a few accepting people and friends I can be myself around I, my school is very small so it’s not like I can just join another friend group, I do have 2 friends I still hangout with, I love them but they are surface level friends and I really want to find people I can connect and communicate with, I hope this is not to much to ask for and I am not good at making new friends. any tips on making new friendships would be appreciated.

I hope this made sense as I am not very good at explaining things or expressing my emotions. 

[Bob_22]

Hi Gothamfan,

Welcome back to the forums. Are there any clubs or societies at the school you could join? You could potentially make friends by joining extracurricular activities. It also looks good if you're applying for jobs. Otherwise I would suggest making more friends outside of school so that you don't feel so lonely during school if that makes sense. There are some good online group chats hosted by headspace about navigating relationships as well. You can check it out here: https://headspace.org.au/online-and-phone-support/join-the-community/chats-by-peers/ 

Bob

[Gothamfan]

Thank you so much for your advice, I’ll definitely check out the link you provided 🙏 

have an amazing day 

[Doolhof]

Hi Gothamfan,

Welcome back to the community here. I grew up in a small town, we had very few students, so like you, choosing other friends was not always possible. Our school was so small there were no activities out of school hours.

Are there groups in the area you could join? Would volunteering somewhere be an option? Do you have interests you would like to pursue? Can you also find activities you are comfortable to do alone for times when being with other people might not be possible?

Hope you find some new activities, new relationships and fill your days with positive moments.

[sbella02]

Gothamfam,

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles with friendships, my heart goes out to you. Thank you for reaching out on the forums. Bob_22 and Dools have already given some brilliant advice, and I'm here to vouch for what they've said and add my own.

It's taken me a long time to learn how to make friends, and I'm still learning to this day. Talking to people can be tough, and there's not really any one correct way of approaching it (as far as I'm aware, anyway). Volunteering, extracurricular activities, part-time jobs, sports, and clubs based on hobbies or interests are all brilliant ways of meeting people, but in terms of making friends once you're there, here are my best tips that I've collected over the years, amongst people that you've never met or have only met a handful of times:

• Smile and introduce yourself to people. Most people like if you approach them first and make conversation. If this makes you nervous, that's okay, just give people a smile from across the room and this will indicate that you're friendly.
• Ask them what brings them to this particular job, activity, club, etc. You'll find common ground quite quickly. 
• Offer to help with something. Let's say you're volunteering somewhere and you notice somebody struggling with a task that you would be able to help out with. Ask if you can give them a hand in any way, it will be much appreciated.

Just some quick tips, particularly if you've joined a workplace or a volunteering space where there are people around your age. People generally like if you take an interest in them and what they stand for, and quiet confidence is one of those ways to build connections with people quite quickly. There are many different ways to build confidence, but the more you practice approaching people in social situations, the more confident you'll be at starting conversations in future, as a general rule.

Hope this helps! Please feel free to chat with us some more if you'd like, we'd love to hear more from you.

SB

[yours_truly]

Hey Gothamfan,

As a high school student that moved school and ended up having to make entirely new friends, I found expressing myself the hardest. I wanted to be loved for who I was, but at the same time, I couldn't risk anything. It took time for me to understand that if I feel like I can't express myself, it's because I'm not around the right people. You didn't deserve your awful past experience and friends definitely should not be like that. 

Some tips 🙂

Make a list of your interests and what you like about your personality. You sound like an honest and truthful person with kindness and lots of affection to give. Try find people with similar qualities to you and spark conversation. Ask them about homework, subtly change the subject and crack a silly joke. The least they could do is give a little chuckle. 

Have a lovely day and I hope I was able to help

[sbella02]

Yours_truly,

Love this advice. "If I feel like I can't express myself, it's because I'm not around the right people."

Very true. It's lovely to see high school students supporting fellow students too. Thank you for your beautiful post.

SB