Assumptions causing trouble

[Deltius]

Hello again,

I posted a while ago about not achieving dreams but I come with a different issue. Anyone had problems with making assumptions that tend to be wrong and cause far more issues, normally negative in nature. For example, a friend normally has snap map on and I can not longer see her on snap, my brain naturally goes "well clearly she just turned it off for you specifically" but in reality, it is something like her location might just be off on her phone. To be clear, I have no reason to think why she would turn of GPS for me but my brain instantly goes there. This is a major issue I am trying to solve, I am blessed with being self-aware but it doesn't make getting rid of the issue any easier it seems. The reason for needing to fix this is it has caused and is causing friendships to be lost and reputations destroyed.

Any tips are appreciated.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome
You are not alone in making assumptions.

Two things-

it is very human to make assumptions, the more immature or the less intelligent imo the more we assume. There is two sides to every story. Ensure you see the other side.

the other thing is, you can't expect others to be forgiving if you make assumptions but you can be forgiving yourself. When a true friend receives your apology for assuming something and accept such an apology then that is a strong friendship. Seek and support such friendships.

Finally- always, when in doubt of details and you are about to assume the worst, get it straight from the horse's mouth e.g. contact them direct by voice and ask nicely...you'd be surprised how often someone says "oh, I didn't mean it like that..."

This is as great topic

TonyWK

[Deltius]

My issue is less rooted in intelligence as it is negativity, I would say the best way to describe it, is a strong voice yelling illogical nonsense that you know is illogical but it keeps yelling at you until you accept it. It is constant and uses a lot of energy to ignore, I am self-aware of the issue and keep applying logic but that doesn't stop it from happening. I also keep getting proven wrong, like right now I can't help that think that one of my friends and my brother are rocking the bed so to speak yet I know for a fact that my brother is far older and not interested in her, and she is only interested in people younger then 19 AND sees my brother as, well a brother. Yet I know for a fact it isn't happening but that voice keeps yelling it. It is extremely draining and frustrating, it probably doesn't help that I know they have been alone for both Friday night and tonight because her mum is away and he is acting as a guardian. (To be clear btw there is nothing illegal going on if they were doing stuff it is completely legal).

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there

I do exactly this and it's super problematic. I don't think it's necessarily immaturity or lack of intelligence at play, brains are very complex. What I'm fairly sure of though, is that habits become ingrained, and styles of thinking can be habitual. I read a quote that's something like - our thought patterns are like well-trodden paths through a wheat field. We need to continually tread a new pathway until it becomes easy and familiar. If you can recognise when you're thinking unhelpful thoughts that are probably not true, then you can challenge them. There are lots of tools if you google "challenging unhelpful thoughts". Also, love Tony's suggestion to ask questions. If you can do that without it causing relationship problems - it's a great idea.

All the best. Katy

[geoff]

Hello Deltius, assumptions start maybe because you have incomplete information, so you fill in what you believe will be the outcome and this happens because of past experiences but these could be way off from the current situation, so your assumptions may be incorrect and could land you in more trouble than mandrake.

Assumptions rely on old information stored away, so instead of asking questions to get the information you need, you jump to conclusions, such as a girl is looking at you, so you assume that she likes you, but this may be far from the truth, perhaps you've said something to irritate her and she's offended or it could be another reason, so your assumption may get you into trouble.

Assumptions are what can happen if you are suffering from OCD and to make one you tell yourself that something is true without actually having any evidence that it is and certainly no proof.

Be careful.

Geoff.

[Deltius]

Thanks for everyone's response, I appreciate the information. I would say all of you have some good points, though it makes me wonder if assumption is the right word. I tend to already know the reality, but my brain yells falsities and lies that are completely illogical and against all the facts and logic I already know to be true. This leads to me doubting my own opinion because it happens so consistently. The funny thing is these assumptions are nearly always incorrect and not even near the truth and I know that. But it just kind of drains my energy constantly fighting them off.

[geoff]

Hello Deltius, the word assumptions is one I never use, others are entitled to use it as they see fit, but it keeps you locked in the past, and it allows you to hide behind your version of the story and to possibly make errors in judgement and misjudge or misunderstand other people.

It's a thought that a person believes in, regardless of whether or not it's right or wrong.

For example, there was an assumption that we would have 'global warming', but look how much rain Australia has had, so it was totally incorrect.

Geoff.