Are my friends bullies/abusive or is it my fault am I the problem?

[Alec29]

Hi everyone

I don't know how to start this but I have extremely low self esteem & sense of self worth (for full story look at my other posts if that would help you understand more) but my dad has always been emotionally abusive and I hate myself and think i'm stupid and worthless etc. But this post is about my relationship with my friends. I have known them since year 8 and i'm in about to finish yr 11 they don't respect me at all. They post photos of me on Facebook without my permission and i have asked many times for them to stop but they just laugh and tell me its funny that im overreacting and tell me to shut up because apparently i love getting my life turned into a joke. The nickname they gave me in year 8 is the only thing they will call me my entire school calls me the nickname and no one is allowed to say my actual name because its a swear word and they make a joke out of everything in my life i have many chronic illnesses that really affect my life and they make jokes about them. Im allergic to cats i told them this and they put cat hair on me threw my friends cat at me and made it crawl over me when i was sleeping they keep doing it and laughing even when i was red and itchy and my eyes were so sore they steal my stuff out of my pocket and locker and hide it they run away from me they invite me out them passively hint that they don't want me to come. they make fun of all my problems they wont listen to me or listen to my opinion if i have an issue i cant talk to them about it i have literally begged them to stop doing the things they do and they just laugh and say that i'm over reacting and that i do like it its gotten to the point where i just go along with the joke because its easier. i cant answer questions they ask because i'm afraid that they will make a joke out of it and i cant trust them ever she asked if i liked Justin Bieber and i couldn't do it because i feel like she wants to make me feel bad. But the issue is i think the arguments are my fault I call one of the friends in particular mean names and i react very poorly to her annoying me or bullying me i call her fat and stupid because she's an easy target i only do this in retaliation to the above i get angry and lose it and I have explained to her many times I don't mean it that I'm sorry and that I just lose control and that its not an excuse but i need them to listen to me once in a while and i feel terrible i'm no better than them or my dad but i feel like its my fault.

Cheers

[white knight]

Hi Alec, welcome

What courage you have. I wished I had your level of perseverance at your age.

ni it isn't your fault. You are actually more mature than your "friends". I wouldn't consider them friends and I'd try to distance myself from them.

I was bullied at school. Once we went ice skating and two if our group grabbed my hands at skated fast then they pulled my arms down and I went face first into the ice. I was distraught for hours.

Please read the following ...google them

Topic: ostracised, its not your fault- beyondblue

Topic: bullying- beyondblue

Topic: so what are their mental illnesses?- beyondblue

Tony WK

[SubduedBlues]

Hi Alec

No, it is not your fault that they are mean. I feel your pain, I know the ridicule. A person bullies another to hide their own insecurities, to keep the focus off themselves. Then again, some people are just mean. TonyWK has made some good suggestive threads, well worth a look.

If you find your nickname offensive or hurtful, make a mention to the teachers at school that you are offended by it and feel harassed when people continue to call you by that name. "Harassed" is one of those keywords that compels teachers into action (so please only use this word if you actually do feel harassed).

As a kid, my grandfather used to tell me whenever I did or said silly things that I should take the wind from their sails .. and not allow them to use anything about me as ammunition to hurt me. He told me that the best way was to always be the first person to make fun of whatever I did. Because if I am making fun of it, they won't want to. And if they won't want to, then they don't. and if they don't, then I can't feel bad about it.

I've said this to other people too: it's the subtle changes that tend to have big impacts on our lives and how those around us perceive and treat us. Big changes make people question the sincerity of the change, but the subtle ones often go unnoticed and people accept it as this is how it has always been. For example, we never really noticed ourselves growing up; we just had that realization that our pants were too short, or shirt too small. We didn't see or feel it happening as it was happening, it was too subtle to notice.

Today make a small change in your approach to live and how you interact with those around you, next week make another one; later another, and another and another. Eventually the sum of the subtle changes has us seen as a different person, by them and by us. And our life it different yet again.

"In order for me to see change, first I must change." So the question you need to ask yourself is: what change will I make today so that my tomorrow is better?

No matter how bad it is in school, life gets better with subtle changes. Trust me, I should know, I was a child that suffered with Tourette's Syndrome. Post again, let's help you find a workable solution for you. Ask questions, seek clarification. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Look forward, into your future, next week/month/year and envisage the path you will use to get there. And, take your first step towards that dream or goal.

SB

[Bells101]

This post really hit home to me, I was bullied at school and always felt like it was my fault for being so vulnerable and passive. I was ridiculed for telling stupid stories and ended up just going along with it although it broke me inside. Even years later after finishing school I am still affected by being teased and find it really hard to say how I truly feel because there's a part of me that completely closes up in fear that I'll be made fun of again.

Your friends sounds horrible, honestly school is a big fat joke as so many people are bullied during school. You just have to be strong and remember that you are better than them, don't let them turn you into someone your not. I know it's hard but maybe try and reach out and make new friends because people that make fun of you and treat you like that are not friends at all.

Also school literally means nothing after you leave, there is such a big world out their full of beautiful people that will treat you well. Just make sure you stay true to yourself and you will attract the right kind of people.

I know its hard, I can't imagine how you must be feeling but whatever you do don't blame yourself. Always remember to love yourself because you are special and unique there are just people out there that will try and take that away from you.

[finchh]

what your going through sounds honestly awful. its not worth spending time with people that hurt you and make you feel upset. You have to remember school is only a temporary place and within a year you can leave it all behind. I think its important to cut the people out of your life if they are repeatedly hurting you even when you have asked them to stop. there are many opportunities to meet other people, either through sports, parties, clubs etc. Focus on making friends outside of the school environment and start establishing connections through that. Focus on education in school and ignore the people hurting you. the stuff People like your "friends" say does not define you and never let their opinions on you affect the way you see yourself even though that is extremely difficult to do.
Best of luck and hope you get the help you deserve xx