As a 17 year old, I have had symptoms of anxiety since my pre-teens, but was only diagnosed by a psychologist at 15 after months of anxiety ending with my first panic attack. For the past two years, I have come to terms with what are "everyday" emotional/physical ups and downs and what are anxious symptoms, with panic attacks happening once every couple months. In the past 6 months, however, I have recognized that my anxiety is worsening both in frequency and intensity. Firstly, my panic attacks began to occur more often what with the demand of school and and unstable relationship with my mother. I now have a panic attack every 1-2 weeks, ranging from a crescendo of sickness and/or hyperventilation, to uncontrollable emotions and shakiness/inability to sit still. In the past month, I have also recognized my emotional state becoming almost unbearable. I am constantly clingy to my boyfriend and have the inability to be alone - one night alone often results in the constant need to cry, the fear of being left out and ultimately ending in a fair few tears shed. My need to cry and the resulting exhaustion from focusing on not crying goes hand in hand with feeling sick and the fear that I am simply being annoying. I have such a strong negative response whenever my boyfriend does things without me - I try my very best not to let him know, however I get angry, irritable and very, very sad due to the fear of missing out.
I recently went to a music festival where I had volunteering shifts each day. My friends (and boyfriend) had paid for their tickets, which meant I had unbearable feelings of being left out, to the point where I had a panic attack after being released for the day from my volunteering shift. It's been a couple of days since this festival, and yet my feelings still have not gone - I shouldn't be stirring over such negative emotion and yet I find myself thinking that there was no point in being there; no reason as to why anyone would want me there.
I was just looking for ways to lift such negative responses to being alone, or having friends/partner doing things without me. An insight into why I may be feeling such things would also be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
