anxiety getting the best of me.

[zinha1962]

I used to feel I was so strong, with things I have gone though in life I thought I could get through anything, but I'm not seeing the light at the end of this tunnel.
My biggest fear for as long as I can remember was one day walking into a room and finding someone that had died, and not to long ago I faced my fear and since then I suffer from anxiety. Im also a person that hates change and it takes me so long to adjust but in the grieving process of losing a loved one, I changed my job and other small aspects of my life thinking 'change is better then a holiday' but I can feel myself not coping with it and regretting it making me so overwhelmed and anxious! 
Im always feeling like I'm going to die myself, like I'm going to have a heart attack or something. I'm always having panic attacks over the smallest pain in my body and have had a trip to hospital over how bad they can get.
But not only just me, everyone around me I'm scared of anything happening to even the person sitting next to me on a bus let alone my family and friends.
It's so hard when you spend the whole day so anxious and everyone asks you whats wrong? why? what can you do? and I don't know he answers. I rather not resort to medications since I'm so stubborn and what to prove to myself I can do this without it but I'm don't know what else I can do. I'm scared of what this illness can do and I feel like I'm letting myself down when there are days I feel like I can't fight it.
My family and friends have been so supportive but I'm feel like I'm letting them down when I'm to scared to do things because it makes me anxious and I'm embarrassed although they try to understand what I'm feeling they don't know either.
I know I have no reason to be embarrassed for what I feel as it's something that happens to the best of us but every day I hate myself little more for letting it take who I am away from me. 

I'm in my early 20's and I just want to be able to live my life knowing I can control this because at the moment I feel like I'm loosing who I am and I feel so weak that I can't fight it anymore. I'm lost and I want to find myself again and live my life not being afraid to die.
Is it normal to be this afraid of death? Or to have it always on my mind and effect my life so much?

[Zeal]

Hi Zinha,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm really sorry to hear that you've experienced death so closely. When you are experiencing grief, it is best to avoid big life changes, to allow yourself time to grieve and adjust emotionally.

Have you been formally diagnosed with anxiety by a doctor? Regardless of whether you have been diagnosed or not, making an appointment with your GP is a great first step. I think it would also be a good idea to talk to a psychologist about your recent experience with death, and also your continual fear of death. You can get a referral to see a psychologist from your GP. Keeping emotions bottled up and not dealing with them can worsen anxiety and even lead to physical symptoms, like headaches and muscle pain.

Psychologists typically cannot prescribe medication. An appointment will be centred on talking through personal concerns and also applying behavioural and cognitive strategies to alleviate the distress.
It's great that you have supportive family and friends- this is hugely positive! 🙂 Some people are further weighed down by a lack of emotional support, which can lead to social isolation and a worsening mental state.

I am a 22 year old female by the way, and was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (anxiety condition) at 13. It got severe in my teen years, and is now finally manageable with SSRI medication (I have a serotonin deficiency) and emotional support from loved ones. I still struggle to adapt to change. Mum says she noticed this tendency in me from the time I was a toddler!

Good luck with getting help from a GP/psychologist. I hope something I said has been helpful 🙂

Best wishes,

SM