Anxiety caused by guilt

[josh067]

Hi all,

 I am 21 years of age, and only just starting to learn about what it is like to live with anxiety. From time to time it creeps up on me and will cause me to stress over matters that are extremely irrelevant in hind sight. 

Recently, my anxiety has been at an all time high, and it has been brought on through guilt I am feeling. To keep it short, I have just begun a new relationship with an amazing girl, however in the first few weeks of us dating I had interactions with a former friend of mine. I was in an extremely vulnerable state of mind at the time (my grandmother passed away), and it was in no means prearranged or intentional. 

Since it happened, the guilt I feel is immense, and anxiety kicks in and I find it hard to do normal daily activities without it consuming me and breaking down. I am ashamed of myself, and am at a loss as to what step I should take next. I don't want to ruin this relationship, but the anxiety that is coming about from this situation is unbearable and making my life hell.

Is there some sort of connection between Anxiety and guilt/regret and what are some helpful ways with dealing with this?

[Paul]

Hey josh067,

Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. Really glad you decided to let us know how you're feeling. It can be really difficult to tell anyone, especially if guilt or regret is involved. It sounds like you're having a really difficult time at the moment.

The difficult thing about anxiety is that it can be triggered by things that seem irrelevant but the experience is real. Keep that in mind because fighting anxiety with "this is stupid" or "this isn't even relevant" can hurt a lot.

To jump to the end of your post, there are a lot of reasons we have anxiety, guilt and regret can definitely be something that bring on anxiety, for example, if I hurt my neighbour's cat and she limped home and I observed the neighbour's little girl crying because her cat was hurt, I think I'd immediately feel guilt. I'd also be concerned that the neighbours might find out it was me, with a dose of guilt and now a dose of concern or fear that they might find out, my natural reaction might be anxiety because I don't want to experience the consequences of what I did - which might be nothing, but they might be a set of powerful emotions that I'm imagining. That's where the anxiety comes in.

So I wonder exactly where your anxiety is coming from, what emotions and experiences are you most fearful of feeling?

If you were to tell your girlfriend what happened, how do you think that conversation might go?

There are some great resources on the website here about anxiety, if you haven't already checked them out, I recommend you do. From the menus at the top, "The facts" then "Anxiety"

There's also heaps of stuff for young people.

Stay in touch, I hope you feel better soon.

Let us know your thoughts on what I've said above.

Paul

[josh067]

Hi Paul,

Thanks so much for your response. Since I posted this I have been feeling some what better, however the anxiety and guilt still does creep up on me daily. 

To answer your question about if I were to speak to my girlfriend about it; I have no doubt that things between us would end. And I cannot blame her for that. We are going extremely well however, and I'm doing everything I can to make her happy and show her I love her.

Im trying to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes and i can't dwell on it too much because you can't change what's been done. Only try and learn from it and be a better person which I feel is what I am doing.

 In terms of where my anxiety comes from, and my fears, there isn't one main stressor I can pin point. I stress about the normal things like money, or succeeding in different areas of my life. I just tend to always have a negative outlook and assume failure. Confidence is something that I have seemed to lost a lot of. 

 I have been looking at different resources and forums to try and help my anxiety and tackle it the most effective way. I think just talking about it and recognising it's there is the biggest help.

 I really do appreciate your response and help. It's nice to be in a  community like this where people know how you're feeling and not being judge

 Sincerely,

Josh